Older

by Jennifer Hartmann

But envisioning some kind of fucking future with her was the real killer that would put us both in the ground.

Thirty-five-year-old men didn’t just fall for teenagers. It was twisted and wrong, and sometimes I had to wonder if there was something wrong with me.

looks like there’s something wrong with both of us 🤓

“Are you listening?” Blinking, I lifted my chin and looked over at Halley as she swallowed down a bite of food. When I glanced at my own plate, I realized I’d somehow finished eating. And no, I definitely wasn’t listening. “Sorry, I was in my head,” I muttered, reaching for a piece of bread. “Care to share?” Hell-fucking-no. “Not really.”

“Something’s bothering you.” “It was just all that time out in the cold,” I said, shaking away the dark thoughts. “Gave me a headache.” “Anything I can do?” “No…tell me about your photography thing. I’m listening.”

I was lost again, but not to my own intrusive thoughts. I was lost in her words, in the magic of them. In the magic she’d found in a pastime that I’d helped bring to light.

She didn’t want to lay roots in the same place that had tried to strangle her, and that made sense. When the roots you were born into shriveled and decayed, the only thing to do was to lay new roots. Build a new home, far away from the dead soil that would decompose you from the inside out.

clean up.” “I got it.” Pushing my chair back, I blew out the candle. As I moved into the kitchen to put the leftovers away, I felt two arms encircle me from behind. I stiffened as her hands linked at my chest and she whispered a warm breath between my shoulder blades. “I just wanted to say thank you,” she said softly. I swallowed hard, the feel of her pressed against me lighting me on fire. “For what?” “Everything. For using your free time to train me, while getting nothing in return. For turning me into a fighter, making me strong and capable. For believing in me when I didn’t even believe in myself.” Nuzzling closer, she continued on, her grip on me tightening. “For helping me look for Ladybug, then going back out to pick her up in this blizzard. For giving me a safe place to spend the night.” She sighed. “Just…for everything.” I inhaled a breath laced with the residual smoke from the blown-out candle but only tasted her. Vanilla beans, peach pie, and hair spun with honey; a recipe for catastrophe. When I lifted my hand to her clasped palms, she didn’t let go. She wanted catastrophe. She embraced it with two slim arms around my waist and a breathy whimper that kissed my back and sent obliteration down my spine. This was as close as I’d ever get to her, and I was reluctant to pull away.

She watched the movie. I watched her.

TBIS. THIS BITCH YOURE FUCKED FUCKSJSNSNSNWNWEDDDD

“Relax, Halley.” My tone was even as I held firm, not wanting to give her the easy way out. She needed to overpower me, needed to win. “Come on. Flip me over.” Grunts, pants, whimpers. Her fuel was morphing into fear as she struggled in my grip.

“Reed—” I yanked her arms apart and slammed them to the mat by the wrists. “Stop being afraid,” I demanded. “Fight back. You can do this. Stop being fucking scared⁠—” A growl tore from her lips and she popped her hips up with renewed strength, putting me in another headlock and pivoting her body to the left with all her strength. I lost leverage and she flipped me over, straddling me with her bare thighs.

“That was good,” I breathed out, sweat forming on my browline. I grappled with her, hauling her onto her side as our limbs tangled and our bodies intertwined like a pretzel. “Use your legs.” She huffed and heaved, moving her arms over mine, trying to swivel my hips with both of her legs. “I thought you didn’t dance,” she forced out, my face pressed to the crook of her neck. I stilled for a beat, replaying her words, and then my mind reeled back to Jay’s bedroom. A pile of CDs in our laps. Her hazel eyes sparkling, bewitching me, altering my fucking DNA. “Do you dance?”

😭

She released a hiss into my ear when I caged her legs in with mine. “Damn you,” she cursed, on the verge of giving up. “Let me go.” “Make me,” I taunted. “I’m done. I quit.” “Not a fucking chance,” I gritted out. “C’mon, Halley, harness your anger. Stay mad. Use it against me⁠—” “I am mad,” she spit back, voice muffled by my shoulder. “I’m mad at you.” “You were thanking me earlier. Cooking for me, hugging me. You didn’t seem mad.” “I’m both,” she countered hotly. “You’re mixing me all up inside. I don’t know whether to hug you, strangle you, or kiss you.” A shot of heat swam through me. “Yeah?” “Yes.” She grunted, her legs linking around me again as she used her hips to try and swing me onto my back. “I hate the way you look at me like I’m a burden.” “You are.” I was dousing her rekindled flame in lighter fluid because she was stronger when she was pissed off and throwing fury in my face. “You’ve been nothing but a burden since I laid eyes on you.” Another growl.

“The way you talk to me.” She fisted my hair with white-knuckled fingers. “Like you can boss me around, bark orders at me.” “You like it when I do.” “No,” she seethed, breathing hellfire.

“I hate you,” she snarled, thrusting upward against my erection, a contradiction to the way her arms tried in vain to shove me away. “I hate the way you spar with me like I’m your equal when you’ll only ever see me as your student.” She wheezed, struggled, her words hardly coherent as she fought for breaths and leverage. “A prodigy you can whip into shape so you can place me on your mantel and appreciate me from afar.” “That’s where you belong.” I squeezed the globes of her ass until her legs loosened on a cracked moan and I tossed her flat on her back, towering over her, my hands flying out to catch her by the wrists. I held tight, relentless, my sweat-soaked chest heaving against hers. Leaning in close, I ground out, “Far. Away. From me.”

“You wish. But you can’t stay away from me.”

“You’ll never be anything to me. Nothing more than my daughter’s friend. A lost little girl I met at a party, who tried to lie her way into my bed.” She squirmed against my rock-hard cock and delighted in the way I shuddered. “It kills you, doesn’t it?” She lifted her chin. “That you want to fuck your daughter’s best friend? A teenager, half your age.”

Halley’s gaze dropped to my mouth as she whispered, “Tell me your plans for us that night.”

“I would have taken you back to my apartment,” I said darkly, teeth gritted, my fist still tangled in her hair. “And we wouldn’t have made it to the bedroom before I knew what your pussy tasted like.”

Oxygen strangled me. My heart rate rocketed to a deathlike pace. I held my breath so long, I swear I saw stars. And then she pulled her hand out of her underwear, her gaze locked and loaded on mine. Two berry-tipped fingers came back glistening. Soaked with arousal. I watched, shellshocked, as she reached out and pressed her fingertips to my parted lips and I almost fucking died.

BITCH IM FUCKING DYINGJDMEKSHWNSUEB

“Now you know.” Now I know. Yeah, I knew. I knew just how close I was to burying my cock inside her while simultaneously burying us both alive. Her taste was unadulterated ecstasy, honey in my veins, but something else mattered more.

Now I know. Now I knew what it felt like to really play with fire. And I was damn certain, that any day now, I’d go up in flames.

“You’ve been nothing but a burden since I’d laid eyes on you.” His words often funneled through me like an angry windstorm. A blizzard. Part of me understood what he’d been doing—trying to get under my skin, rile me up, keep my fire burning through a blaze of anger. But part of me wondered if he truly felt that way. And that was heartbreaking.

NOOOOOOO BABY NOOOO (real)

“Mom and Dad have been working too hard. I want to enjoy time with them before I move out and start my own life.” I wanted that, too Too bad Reed didn’t agree. “That’s where you belong. Far away from me.” His words were acid in my lungs, tainting every breath with venom.

“So do you, Hals. Mom and Dad love you like their own.” Tara had no idea how much that hurt. There was beauty in some of that hurt, knowing Whitney likely did see me as a makeshift daughter. And I was thankful for that. So damn thankful for her kind heart and giving spirit. But there was darkness in the hurt, too. The kind that eviscerated me from the inside out.

“Self-preservation can be found in a lot of ways. It isn’t always black and white.”

When I lifted my chin, Reed was standing over me. I could see Scotty skating toward me in my periphery, but my focus was on Reed and the hand he was extending to help me up. He reached. We clasped. I melted. Long, warm fingers wrapped around my palm as he hauled me up before Scotty could come to my rescue. My feet skidded in every direction, forgetting their primary purpose of how to be feet, and I latched on to Reed’s biceps to keep me steady. Both of his arms wrapped around me until I found sweet relief in balance, while my fingers curled into his hard muscle. His hold loosened with every passing second. “You okay?” he asked softly.

“You sure you’re okay?” he asked quietly. I glanced at him, and I could tell that he knew. He knew that I wasn’t okay, but it wasn’t from the physical fall. It was from a different kind of fall, the kind that was going to drain me dry. This feeling was the world’s longest blood draw. A needle sucking out my life force, after a nurse spent an agonizing amount of time poking and prodding, looking for a usable vein. I was bruised, sore, and weaker than ever, and I didn’t even get a consolation prize in the form of a cute Band-Aid to patch me up.

Before I knew what was happening, Tara reached for Reed’s hand as he came up on my left, then reached for mine, and twisted around so she was skating backward, tugging us both forward. I nearly choked when my shoulder brushed with Reed’s. He glanced down at me, the hint of a smile peeking through whatever animosity he’d been holding on to. “Hey,” he said. I looked away, meeting Tara’s eyes. “Hi.”

HELP

In my friend’s mind, she was gliding along with two of her favorite people. Her father and her best friend—a friend who she thought of as her father’s second daughter. It was excruciating. There was a boulder in the pit of my stomach, filled with graphite and lead. I could hardly breathe.

Scotty was seated at a table with Josh and a group of guys from school, leaving Reed and I skating together alone. Alone, save for the elephant on the rink in the shape of me sticking my arousal-soaked fingers in his mouth seven weeks ago. The memory had me close to buckling, but I kept my balance, refusing to grab onto him for support.

“Listen, Halley…” His chin dipped down. “I haven’t meant to⁠—” “It’s fine. I understand.” He glanced at me, his neck corded, veins dilated. “This is complicated.” “You don’t need to spell it out for me, Reed. I totally get it.” “This can’t…become anything. I hope you know that.”

“I thought we needed distance.” “We did.” I swallowed again. “We do.” “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Frowning, I looked up at him as irritation flickered through me. “You didn’t hurt me. I’m not a soft little ragdoll you need to be gentle with. I’m an adult, and I’ve been through far worse than this. I’ll be fine.” “This is different. I never wanted to⁠—” “You don’t need to explain.” “Halley.” My name flew past his lips like a burial hymn. Two heartrending syllables hellbent on burying us both. “This is killing me.” I opened my mouth to speak but only found myself choking on the ashes of his words. Soot in my throat, cinders in my lungs. There was something raw in his declaration, a candid hitch. Pain. We both felt it, we both wanted to carve it out of us.

When I looked up at him looking down at me, I prayed that no one saw the currents swimming between us, despite it feeling like a tangible thing. I pulled my hand away and scratched at my knuckles, cradling my palm to my chest. I didn’t speak, didn’t respond in any way—other than to flee.

He didn’t call after me, didn’t give chase. He couldn’t. It wasn’t allowed, especially not here, with Tara, Whitney, and Scotty in plain view.

I ran and I ran and I ran. I ran straight into my father.

WHAT

“Who is that?” “Nobody,” I said, frazzled. “I need to go. I left my purse inside⁠—” “Is that your father?” How? How did he know that?

Reed glanced at me, his gaze meeting with mine for a tension-filled beat, as if he were making a decision. Analyzing the data. All in the span of a single breath. And then he was storming past me. Oh, my God. My eyes rounded with horror as I whipped around. “Reed!” I shouted, disbelief sinking into my gut and weighing me down. I sprinted after him, but his strides were long and his intentions were unflappable. He’d crossed the sidewalk before I could reach him, and I watched as his arm reeled back, his fist meeting my father’s jaw as I cupped a hand over my mouth and screamed. All hell broke loose.

I don’t support murder but now I say GET IT REED PUT THAT DISGUSTING PIECE OF SHIT SIX FEET UNDER

There’d been a time in my life when I’d thought that my father was the strongest person in the world. Indestructible. Unbeatable. But Reed was smarter, swifter, and he knew exactly how to take down a monster. He unleashed a barrage of powerful strikes on my popeyed father, each blow landing with careful precision. Father staggered backward, stunned by the unprovoked assault.

Ignoring my father’s pleas for mercy, Reed drove a knee into his back, pinning him to the ground with bone-crushing force and smashing his face to the pavement. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. We were in public. He was defending my honor in front of openmouthed bystanders, but it wasn’t an honor he was meant to defend. No, no, no.

This man had just risked everything for me. Everything. And I wasn’t even his.

“That’s not what it was. I was protecting her,” he said firmly. “I’d do the exact same fucking thing for Tara.” “I am protecting Halley.” She slammed a flat palm to her chest. “Me. I’m protecting her in the legal, non-violent way. Giving her shelter, love, and safety.” Her glare was sharp and cleaving. “That was not the way.” “You do it your way, I’ll do it mine,” he shot back. “Are you hearing yourself?” “Loud and clear.”

“I was defending Halley. That bastard wrecked her.” “He wasn’t being a threat. Your actions were barbaric and unprovoked.” “His existence provoked me.” Reed held his ground, eyes narrowing. “As long as he’s alive, he’ll be a threat. And if he ever comes within breathing distance of my girls, he’s a dead man.”

“Yeah.” That was all he said. No clarification, no expansion, no context.

What is he thinking? I wanted to slap him. I wanted to hug him tight and never let him go.

“I told you,” Tara whispered to me, stroking her hand up and down my spine. I turned to look at her, my eyes puddled with tears, as Ladybug nosed my ribs for comfort. “What?” She smiled through a sigh and pulled me close. “I told you he loved you like his own.”

My makeup was subtle, aside from the bright raspberry lipstick kissing my lips. Copperglow Berry; my favorite. I’d been wearing it the night I met Reed, so I wasn’t sure if it was blessed or cursed,

I latched on to the private moment and entwined myself in its grip. His eyes were fire. Lightning. Embers and jade flames.

Tara jumped up from the sofa, waving at her father. “I didn’t even hear you come in.” I did. Every atom in my body heard him and felt him.

I gathered a breath and began to walk forward. But then two palms landed on my hips and I went deathly still. Heat broke out all across my skin, staining my chest and collarbone. I fought for air, but it was stuck in my throat like bubblegum. Warm breath coasted along the nape of my neck as Reed leaned in and whispered, “You look…so goddamn beautiful.”

Nobody saw. He was careful, and I only wished he’d be that careful with my heart.