The Sky Beneath Us

by Fiona Valpy

life falls apart; and maybe some things can’t be mended, but perhaps they can be reshaped into something even more beautiful.

‘Because it’s only when we stop clinging on to the plans we’ve made that we step on to the middle way – the way of the unknown. We call this the sacred path of the warrior.’

He must notice the uncertainty in my expression because he reaches into a pocket beneath his robes and brings out a length of

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fine red string. ‘Here,’ he says. ‘You tie it around your wrist. This is called a sungdi. It will bring you strength, love and luck. It will also give you spiritual protection. And I think you may be in need of a little of that on the journey ahead. Remember, you are never alone.’

We all do it, don’t we? Unwittingly making the same old mistakes, over and over again.

Sometimes you just have to throw your heart into the river of life and dive in after it.

Our guide, Mingma, who is a member of the Sherpa people, refers to the highest mountain in the world by the name of Chomolungma, the female deity they believe inhabits the summit. He would never climb it, he tells me. His people believe it would be disrespectful to stand on top of the head of the goddess.

‘When the rest of the world talks about Sherpas, they think it means the guides who lead expeditions to the top of Mount Everest,’ says Pema. ‘But that’s wrong. Sherpas are a distinct people. They were from Tibet originally, but they brought their yaks, their language, their faith and their traditions over the mountains from the east to settle here in Nepal.

And because they’re so well adapted to living and working at high altitudes, they’ve gained a reputation for being the best guides to lead climbers wanting to reach the summits.’

She said life is like trekking: it’s hard sometimes, but just keep putting one foot in front of the other, until you finally reach a place where you can see the sky beneath you.’

‘My mother often used to say that life is not about finding yourself – it’s about creating the person you want to be.

Life doesn’t always give us answers. She taught me we have to accept there are some things we can’t understand, and in the end our lives will be defined by what we do with that fact – how we accept it and pick ourselves up, facing reality and adapting to it, rather than denying or ignoring it.

‘It’s never easy, making changes, is it? It takes quite a bit of work because, as we Buddhists know, the natural human way is to cling blindly to the desires and beliefs that make us suffer. Wishing life was otherwise keeps us stuck. Accepting where we are and focusing on finding the goodness in every day can go a long way to getting us out of that downward spiral of suffering.

‘It’s the love in our hearts that makes us invincible.’

‘Buddha say three kinds of people. First kind have mind like rock: thoughts are carved there, like on mani stones. Stay angry or sad or frightened a long time. Second kind have mind like sand: anger, sadness written there but pass away quickly as sand shifts. Third kind most pure and undisturbed: mind like water. Thoughts never can be written there, just flow through. Mind like water best. Let thoughts pass through. Doesn’t mean don’t be thinking them, just not holding on to them.’

‘But it’s what we’re all doing in this life – coming and going, loving and losing, living and dying. In the end, we’re all just walking each other home, aren’t we? Finding our way along the paths of life, sometimes alone, sometimes in the company of others, until we find a way to let go. This is what our faith is for. Because this is where all paths eventually lead.’

Violet used to say to me when I was feeling sad that even in the hardest times the joy is always there, like the blue sky behind the clouds. When we know that, maybe we can let the clouds drift away, letting happiness shine through again.’

life is

not about finding yourself – it’s about creating the person you want to be.