Mars and Venus on a Date: A Guide for Navigating the 5 Stages of Dating to Create a Loving and Lasting Relationship

by John Gray

The wise woman learns to give a man his space and trust that he will once again find his hunger to be with her on his own. She understands that “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” She even encourages him to spend time with his friends away from her. By giving him distance, she lets him feel his desire to pursue her and win her over and over again.

By supporting a man’s tendency to pull away, a woman ensures that he can find the love in his heart to come back.

Apologies and forgiveness are interdependent. When one partner apologizes, that makes it easier for the other to find forgiveness. When one partner is very forgiving, that makes it easy for the other to be more responsible and apologize. It is difficult for a man to apologize for his mistakes when he does not sense he will be forgiven. It is equally difficult for a woman to forgive a man’s mistakes when he does not apologize. One cannot exist for long without the

For a woman to give a man the kind of special love, appreciation, acceptance, and trust that he wants, she must feel confident that her needs will also be met. She needs to feel that he adores, cares for, understands, and respects her so much that he will always be there for her. By settling for anything less, they will have less.

Instead of feeling secure that a man is the right man for her, a woman skips ahead by trying to prove to him that she is right for him. When the man feels uncertain, he may feel the pressure to show how committed he is as a way to impress her when in truth he is not ready.

If you are quick to fall in love, be careful to proceed slowly and let the relationship pass the test of time.

A woman needs to remember that she is the jewel and a man provides the right setting for her to shine. Instead of focusing on pleasing him because he makes her so happy, she needs to let him continue to please her with his actions.

When a woman allows a man to make little sacrifices for her, he begins to feel that she is more special. She does not have to do anything to earn his interest. He is already interested. The more he gives and she graciously receives, the more interested he becomes.

When a woman falls in love and behaves as if she is completely won over, as she would be in stage five of a relationship, a man will tend to stay in whatever stage he is in. There is no motivation to move ahead. When a woman moves faster through the stages, a man will tend to put on the brakes.

When a relationship is giving a woman everything she wants, she is motivated to make it even better, but a man thinks, Okay, I can relax; I must be doing enough.

When a women reacts to a man as if she is in stage five and he is not, he will not be as motivated to move on to the next stage. He will tend to relax and stay put in whatever stage he is in. This is true whenever a woman reacts strongly in a stage beyond the stage he is in.

IF SHE IS IN STAGE TWO (UNCERTAINTY) and he behaves as if he is in stage three, four, or five, then her reaction might be, How can he want me so much? He doesn’t even know me. When he really gets to know me he will leave me. I don’t want to be hurt. I don’t want to get my hopes up. He thinks I am so perfect and I’m not. I can’t trust his instincts.

When women seem to be attracted to men who “don’t really care,” it is because these men are clearly in stage one or two, which is the appropriate stage to begin a relationship. When a man pursues a woman but is not yet sure about exclusivity and beyond, it can make him very attractive.

When a man comes on really strong, it can make a woman feel she doesn’t have the right to feel uncertain.

When a woman lives in the promise of a man’s love, because she believes that she will get what she needs, she is happy to give in advance. The more she gives in advance, the happier she becomes because she assumes she will get it all in return. When she gives in advance and not in response to what he has given, then it has the effect of making him less interested.

Quite often a man feels how much he loves a woman when he is directly faced with the possibility of losing her.

Quite often a man will pull back and then—once the woman has let go—he springs back with greater desire and love.

By slowly moving backward she can create the required distance without having to break up or threaten to break up.

A woman assumes that if a man is physically attracted to her, he is also interested in pursuing a relationship with her. She confuses his attention, interest, and attraction with affection or love.

Women are first attracted to some aspect of who a man is and not just his body. A woman first feels interested in getting to know a man, then she feels affection, and then she feels strong physical attraction and desire. The more a woman feels mentally and emotionally attracted to a man, the more physical chemistry she will begin to feel.

The more physically attractive a woman is, the more annoyed she may become with men. Men who have no deep interest in her are constantly pursuing her. Although a woman may feel flattered by a man’s attentions, after a series of disappointments, it can become a source of resentment as well.

When a shy man postpones the kiss, it may actually postpone or even prevent a woman from feeling her physical chemistry for him.

When a man does little things for a woman, like open the door, compliment her, ask her out, plan a date, or even give her a good-night kiss, it allows her gradually to experience different levels of chemistry.

The more discerning we become about whom we are willing to share a relationship with, the closer we get to finding our soul mate. Although a few people hit the target in a few tries, most of us go through the normal process of trial and error. Through repeated self-correction, we eventually meet the right person. This process of increasing discernment develops in predictable stages.

Soul attraction is not based on recognizing and finding a list of special qualities and characteristics present in your partner. Instead, it is the recognition that you have what that person needs for his or her soul to grow and your partner has what you need.

Just as men with a low level of discernment long to be with women they see in magazines, women at their lowest level of discernment long to be with the men in romance novels.

To a certain extent, the more we have learned to express freely who we are and to feel good about ourselves, the faster we move through the levels of discernment.

Choosing to date someone we already know is not right for us is like shooting for the target and purposefully missing. Not only will this prevent us from hitting the target, but it is very confusing to our inner instincts.

When we choose to pursue someone we know with certainty is not right for us, we lose our momentum.

is much better not to date if you are not meeting people who match your standards.

Too many times, we reject each other not because we have found that a person is wrong for us, but because we believed something was wrong with that person.

When a woman is really interested in a man, he tends to become more interested in himself. If she listens attentively, he will generally talk more. If she seeks to please his every need, he will gladly let her know what more she can do.

A woman is most fulfilled when her needs are met, while a man is fulfilled primarily through being successful in fulfilling her.

when a woman is focused more on giving than receiving, when she cares more about pleasing him than about what would please her, a man will not become more interested in her.

A woman mistakenly assumes that if she is eager to please a man, he will be pleased and become more interested. Yes, he will be pleased, but he will not necessarily become more actively interested.

When a woman is actively interested in pursuing a man, it is flattering to a man and it will probably generate in him some receptive interest, but that is all. He will probably go with the flow as long as it feels good...

What makes a man more interested in a woman is when he feels really ...

No matter what a man receives, he will feel better about it when he feels that he actively pursued it and achieved it. The better a man feels about himself, the more he is motivated to share himself and the more attracted he is to someone who makes him feel that way.

Without an understanding of men, many women think they have to “do something” to earn a man’s love and attention. These women do not understand the intrinsic value of simply being interested in and receptive to what a man has to offer.

Men become actively interested when they are figuring out what to do, what to give, how to provide, how to achieve a goal, how to impress someone, and how to get the love, acceptance, and admiration they want.

No matter how much she learns about Martians and where they are coming from, a woman feels that if a man is truly interested, then he will ask her questions.

Generally a man will feel relieved when a woman joins in and carries a conversation. It takes the pressure off of him and lets him relax and get to know her. Men are happiest when a woman opens up and shares, while women enjoy carrying the conversation as long as they feel a man is interested.

All she has to say instead of “You don’t understand” is “Let me try to say this differently.”

Not only does interrupting give you a chance to be heard, but men like it. It is a sign that you are feeling self-assured, that you trust that he cares to listen, that you accept his style of just talking when you want to, that you are connecting to him and willing to join with him in conversation, that you are receptive to what he says, and that you are responsive.

His instincts motivate him to wait a while before calling to avoid appearing needy or desperate. He senses that if he is too excited or interested, it may compromise his value to her.

A man instinctively doesn’t reveal his excitement, assuming that if he appears needy it will weaken his position.

This is why women are annoyed. If it is a great date, he doesn’t call; if he is not sure, he doesn’t call; and if he wants to end it, he doesn’t call. No wonder dating can be so frustrating and disappointing.

You either feel or don’t feel enough chemistry to pursue a relationship. It is not about the other person at all. Some people like mangoes and some don’t. Whether you like mangoes has nothing to do with the intrinsic value of mangoes; it has to do with you. There is nothing wrong with you or with the mango if you don’t like mangoes.

Keep in mind that when people have just ended a relationship, to a certain extent they are empty and seeking to be filled up. Their discernment is generally at an all-time low. Thirsty or hungry people are generally not very picky about what they eat, but once they are well fed, it is time to be picky again.

Needing a man for everything will ultimately sabotage a relationship with him. No man can satisfy all of a woman’s needs. He may think he can, but he can’t, and it is a big mistake to expect him to. The pressure it eventually puts on him will push him away.