The Story of Us (Carnage #1)

by Lesley Jones

He grabbed me by the shoulders at first, and I panicked and thought he was going to push me away. My heart felt too heavy inside my chest. It beat, but at a slow and sluggish pace. Everything around me faded away. My legs felt like jelly, my fingertips tingled, and I held my breath as my head swam with a million different scenarios as to how this would unfold.

And then he wrapped his arms around me tightly, sniffed my hair, kissed the top of my head, and said into my ear, “I love yo...

“Open your eyes, G. I need to see those beautiful blue eyes of yours.” “I can’t,” I whispered, my voice barely audible. “Why? Why can’t ya? I need to see them. I need to look into them and see us. When I look into your eyes, I want to be able to see you and me, and I need to know that we’re still us, Sean, and Georgia. Are we? After all this time, are we? Can we still be

“You never came back for me, Sean. You just let me go. You didn’t fight for me.” He frowned and leant away from me so he could put the bottles down on the hall table. He turned and looked back over my face with his eyebrows drawn together. “I fought, George. I fought until you sent the letters back. I fought until you told me to stop.” Everything tilted. Panic began to bubble in my belly. “You sent me letters? When—I don’t—Sean, no, I never said stop. No, I wouldn’t…”

“Georgia, I came to your mum’s, but they wouldn’t let me see you. So I sat outside the house in my car all day and all night, but then I had to go back on tour, so I called you all day every day, for weeks. I called, and I wrote and wrote. I sent letter after letter. I sent you the songs that I wrote for you. I wrote down every thought and feeling I had for almost a year. I made videos of the songs so you could hear them. I sent all of it, everything, I sent it all to you.”

“If it’s too late for us, G, then I need to know now, before I get my hopes up, before I start…” He paused again and closed his eyes. He moved his hand from my hip to the back of my head and pulled me towards him. He kissed my forehead and then rested his against mine. “Just tell me, G. Are we too late? Please tell me it’s not too late. I fuckin’ love you so much, but if… If… Fuck, I can’t even say it.”

“Sean, like the tattoo says, ‘There’s no one else. There never was. It’s still only ever you’.”

“I love you, Georgia Rae Layton, so fuckin’ much. I’m gonna give you the world, the whole fuckin’ world, but first, first, I’m gonna kiss ya.” And

I didn’t take my eyes from his. He mostly studied intently what he was doing, but every now and then

“I’ve dreamt about this, so many times, G. How you’d smell. How you’d taste, but now that you’re here, it’s all so much better. I wanted to take my time. I wanted to make this last, but now I just want to be inside you. Fuck, Georgia, I really want to be inside you.”

“Gia, that feels so fuckin’ good, so right, so perfect.”

“I’ve missed you. I’ve missed us. I’ve missed this, so fuckin’ much, G. This is all I want; all I’ve wanted for so long. Just you and me. It’s like coming home.”

“They say that home is where the heart is, and mine has never been anywhere other than with you, always, G. Forever and always, my heart is yours and will be with you no matter what.”

It was all too much. I’d been numb for so long, and suddenly there was too much, too many thoughts, feelings, emotions, and I couldn’t rein it in. So instead, I let it go. I cried, and I cried. We clung to each other, Just me and him. And I knew that everything was as it should be, Sean and Georgia, Georgia, and Sean, us against the world.

"When you speak to him… Cam. When you speak to him, be gentle. I know first-hand just how fucking awful

I

“I came home early to surprise you. I wanted to see you… Wanted to tell you… Wanted to show you how sorry I was for my behaviour Thursday night. Thursday night, Kitten, you remember that? Two nights ago, when I stupidly thought you were in a relationship with me.”

“Sean McCarthy, now why didn’t I work that one out? I knew all about Sean, I just didn’t realise he was that Sean. I didn’t stand a chance did I? Me or a twenty-two-year-old fucking rock God?” He spat the words with such venom that I flinched.

“Cam, please, it’s not like that. I’ve known him since I was eleven. He was my boyfriend from the age of thirteen. He’s the only boy I’ve ever loved.”

And that was the moment I realised just how much Cameron King, my Tiger had come to mean to me. My heart broke as he looked thoroughly defeated at my words, “Thanks, Kitten, t...

Cam was sitting inside on the floor, the water bouncing off him and out of the open door, making the floor wet. There was a pile of vomit on the tiled floor beside the shower and another beside the toilet. I threw a towel over each to cover it. He didn’t notice me because his eyes were closed, his legs were out in front of him, his arms were slumped at his sides and his head was hanging forward. He was completely naked.

He looked… small, which was ridiculous because he was six foot four and a big strong man. Right at that moment, though, he looked small and frail, and I felt so fucking bad that I’d caused this. I stood and stared for a few moments with my hand covering my mouth as I tried to control my sobs. I’d done this to him. I was a horrible human being.

“Kitten,” he whispered, very, very softly. “I love you.” I let out a sob. I couldn’t help it. I held onto each side of his face. “Oh, Tiger, what have you done to yourself?”

“I love you,” he whispered again. He grabbed a handful of my hair, not roughly, just enough to tilt my head and make me look at him. He nodded his head and repeated, “I love you.” I didn’t know what to say. My heart was telling me to tell him I loved him too, but

“I owe you an apology and a thank you regarding the last time you saw me.” I shrugged and knocked back the first of the three shots that had been placed in front of me. “No apology necessary and absolutely no thanks required. You would’ve done the same for me.” He nodded his head slightly. I remembered the familiar movement. “I would, and more, I would’ve done so much more, given the chance.”

My heart skipped a beat at his words, at the sensation of his lips on my skin, and I knew it was time to leave.

“If he didn’t come back, would it have been me? Would you have stayed with me?” I pulled my hand from his and shook my head. “I’m not doing this, Cam. It was ten years ago, and I’m married. I’m with Sean.” “But I still affect you, don’t I? There’s still something there. I feel it, and you’re lying if you say you don’t.” He was stating facts, not asking questions. “It doesn’t matter what I feel. I’m married to Sean. I love Sean. Thanks, Cam, thanks for everything tonight. I’m sorry if it has caused any trouble for the club, and I’m sorry for the past. I have to go.” I reached out for the door handle. “Did you love me, Kitten, even a little bit?” I didn’t hesitate with my answer. “Yes, Tiger, and I think I still do.”

He pulled me around by my shoulder, and his mouth was instantly on mine. His tongue seeking out and then almost attacking mine. His hands were over me. They slid up my hips, over my waist, and then they cupped my breasts. I offered no resistance to any of it. I just stood with my arms at my sides. I wasn’t even debating whether what was happening was right or wrong, I just stood and let it happen. I reached for his hair, grabbing at it, and attempting to pull him away. He started pulling my dress up my legs, and when his thumb brushed my clit through my knickers, I stopped pulling his mouth away from mine and instead forced it down harder. My dress was up around my waist, and Cam was grinding into me. I was grinding back. Hands, teeth, tongues. We raked, clawed, and bit uncontrollably.

“Why, Kitten? Why him?” “He owns me, Cam. I have no choice; my heart belongs to him.” “Not all of it. I know I have a piece; all be it a very small piece, but I know, I just know if you gave me a chance⁠—” I shook my head. “No. No, Cam. It’s too late for us. You would’ve had to have met me when I was ten to have ever stood a chance.” “I don’t believe you, Kitten. Don’t have a baby with him. Please wait a while and think about it. Think about what you really want. Who you really want. If he owns you so completely, then why did you let me fuck you just a couple of weeks ago. All this time and the instant we are together, it’s there, it's back.”

“I want you, Kitten. No one has ever wanted anything more than the way I want you. Please, give me a chance. Choose me, let yourself love me enough, let me show you how good it can be. I’ll never hurt you. I’ll never make you doubt me, not for a second.” A sob escaped me, and fat tears plopped from my lashes onto my cheeks. He wiped them away with his thumbs. “I bought this house for you.” “What?” “That night, when we argued in the restaurant, when I behaved like a prick, I’d put an offer in on this place because I knew you would love it. It was close to your parents, and it had stables. You’d told me how much you wanted to start horse riding again and that you hadn’t had time to get out to your mum’s and ride. I saw the house, the location, the stables, and I knew you’d love it.”

“I was all over the place that night,” he continued, “I was in negotiations to buy this place, and I had a business deal falling apart in Amsterdam. Someone else was bidding on this, and it looked like I was going to have to leave the country. That was why I was in such a bad mood.” He

“But the next morning, the other party pulled out, so the deal was done, and this place was mine. That’s why I flew home from Amsterdam early, and that’s why I came straight to the club. I wanted to tell you about the house, I wanted to ask you to move in with me.”

“I can’t do this… I can’t do this, Cam. I don’t want to hear this! Please… please, I’m begging you, leave me alone. Just leave me to love my husband the way he deserves.” He kissed each of my eyes. “I can’t, Kitten, it’s killing me. I won’t chase you, but every chance I get, every time I see you, I will remind you of how it could… how it should be.”

“If you left me, if you chose him, I wouldn’t survive. G. You might as well kill me because I wouldn’t survive.”

Everything was very quiet for a few seconds. I looked at Sean, his face was level with mine, his eyes were wide, and he gave me a small smile. “I love you, Georgia Rae, show us your tits,” he whispered, and then he closed his eyes—his beautiful, brown eyes, with their flecks of gold.

“Wake up, Gia. It’s time to go, baby.” I sighed and reached out until my hand found his hair, and I ran my fingers through it. “No. I’m so tired. I want to stay here. Let’s just stay in bed.” I heard him chuckle. “We can’t, G. You need to go. It’s time to open your eyes and go.” I tried, I really tried, but my eyes were just so heavy I couldn’t open them. He kissed me again, and I breathed him in. “I love you,” I whispered. “I love you more, Georgia Rae, but it’s time for you to go.” I shook my head. “Gia, I’ll be with you baby, always, every single day. I’m not asking you now, I’m telling you, open your eyes.” “All right, I will, just not yet. In a minute.” “Now, G. Open your fucking eyes right now.” I did and in an instant he was gone.

let out a loud sob, and the tears rolled down my face and into my ears. I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around myself, squeezing tight. Holding on. It didn’t ease the pain. It didn’t stop the ache, and it didn’t do anything to fill the massive, gaping hole that had been punched through my heart, through my life, and through my existence. But for a few, short seconds, it stopped the sensation that I continually had of falling. Only a few, short seconds, and then it was back. I rocked from side to side, just to give me something else to focus on.

And it was, more than he could ever know. At that moment, I realised it was a start. A very, very small start, but a start, nonetheless. The tiniest of steps forward, and for the very first time that year, I had actually wanted to do something.

As I stood with my brother’s arm around me, staring at my beloved Hilda, I suddenly felt the slightest glimmer of hope. Hope that I might just get through my empty, painful, black hole of a life.