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I lost contact with Jim Elson, my father. I had no desire to rekindle a relationship with him.
She was a complicated equation that didn’t need to be solved.
Stupid intellectual pricks. Funny thing is, I’m dating one.
Loren (or Lo, depending on my mood. I usually swap between the two. He prefers the nickname over his full-real name, but I don’t really care).
“Why am I with you? You’re so conceited, arrogant—” “Narcissistic,” I add, “attractive, lovable, brilliant.” “That wasn’t an invitation for you to compliment yourself.” “No? My bad, I thought we were listing my best qualities.”
I grew up wanting to reach the peak of physical and mental perfection. It’s an unattainable goal. But one I set. One I seek. People hope to touch the sky. I dream of kissing it.
“You’re safe with me, you know that, Rose?” I ask her. “I won’t ever hurt you.”
“Je suis passionné de toi,” I say. I am passionate about you.
That’s it, Rose. I have you. You’re safe with me.
I’d do almost anything to help her achieve her dreams.
“I can’t cohabitate with rodents.” She pauses. “That’s a lie. I’ve lived with Loren for nine months, but I draw the line right here.”
Hahahahaha
He is power and perfection in so many ways that I will never admit aloud.
He makes me believe that anything is possible. I don’t think I’ll ever find someone quite like Connor Cobalt.
“Madame,” Scott calls before I can stop him. “Rose would like to go next.” “And then you?” Connor asks. “We’d all love to know when you’ll die.” The muscles in Scott’s jaw twitch.
I also believe Katarina will try to run Rose out of my life, and I want her firmly by my side.
She is shy, nervous, and plagued with social anxiety.
same
Lily’s lifestyle is filled with humiliation. There’s no triumph in that. And I wish I could protect her, but you can’t shield a girl from the world without taking her out of it.
“It must have carried the trap with it.” “Just use your nose,” I suggest. “Dogs have the best sense of smell.” Lo laughs while I casually take another sip from my coffee. “Fuck off,” Ryke curses, which sounds really less threatening through the wall.
Planning. Organizing. Preparing. These are things I excel in.
“Sorry. It’s too early…” I go to turn and Connor catches my arm. “I have time for you,” he says. I watch him sit up, fluff his pillow and lean against the headboard. He waves me on. “Let’s hear it.”
In nearly ten years of knowing Connor, we always seem to return to each other—even when we were thousands of miles apart, on two separate planes of existence—even when it seemed like our futures had strayed.
He may not believe in fate, but I do. And I know I’m fated to be with him.
“I’m just wondering why you’re so concerned all of a sudden.” “I’m always concerned. I just don’t voice my opinion every five seconds like you.”
With Calloway Couture, I could make my father proud—to show him that I could follow his entrepreneurial footsteps. The failure of my company feels not only like a failure of my dream, but a failure of my place in the family. Of my right to have these beautiful things.
I only saw blackness. And I’ll never forgive myself for what happened, how blind I was. I was focusing on the wrong sister. Lily was heading down that dark road, feeding an addiction that not many people understand.
No matter how much I want to save my sisters and just keep them close, I feel as if I’m destined to watch them fall.
Would I have been as fiercely protective of them as Rose is to her sisters? I don’t know. I was never given the chance to see. “My mother had complications during their birth. They both passed, and I have no idea how she coped afterwards. She seemed…fine. She could have been as cold as she appeared to be, or she could have just hid her grief. I wouldn’t know.”
Just me. Just him. Just us. Together again.
I attended her graduation. I saw her walk across the stage and accept her diploma. I was able to witness the look of accomplishment and freedom from four years of hard work and educational slavery. Those memories I hold close.
love him
“You’re not a pit stop. You’re my finish line. There’s no one after you.”
“I want you for eternity, not for a brief moment in time.”
One doesn’t need a partner to live. To succeed. But Rose is not something I’m ever willing to let go. Necessary or not. She’s mine.
These five people mean more to me than words can express. I’ve never once felt like I had a real family. But with them—I know I do.
It’s easier to be born strong than to find a strength that you never thought existed. For that, I believe she has more courage and prowess than I could ever possess.
“If we had to rank who’s getting the most, it’d be my brother, his girlfriend, then maybe Connor Cobalt and his hand.” Beside me, Connor grins and sips his wine, finding Ryke’s comment more amusing than I would.
Hahahaha
“Have you read Fifty Shades of Grey?” “Yep,” Daisy says, “one handed.” She wags her eyebrows deviously.
Okay Daisy and Ryke are hilarious
“Love holds no meaning in my life.” The show fades to black with that last line. In the full-length interview, I added, “But Rose is at the epicenter of my world, whether I allow myself to love her or not.”
I can’t be agreeable with someone I know is wrong, regardless of her being my mother or not.
Right. He can’t love anyone. He’s too analytical, I suppose. I’ve come to accept it, but there’s a part of me that wants so badly to be his first love the way he’s mine.
“It wasn’t fair to the other people I was with, but you’ve been the most fascinating person to me. And no one could really compare in my mind.” I rephrase his words and hear I love you. Even if he won’t ever say them.
I love the way he’s staring at me. It makes me feel more than just beautiful. I feel like I’m his. Like no one else could possibly compare to me. He doesn’t even have to say the words. I see it in his eyes. I can practically read it in his mind.
“No…I’m sorry…” She wipes her eyes quickly and tries to bottle her emotions. “Don’t you ever fucking apologize for another guy’s offense,” he growls.
There was a very dark point where we all believed they’d die together. Where they’d call it quits. There were moments where I wondered how any girl could endure what she was going through. And I think the only reason they both didn’t leave the world was because they refused to leave it together.
“Tout va bien se passer,” I whisper. Everything will be fine. “Comment sais-tu ?” How do you know? “Because I’m here,” I say with all of my confidence, willing it in my voice, my posture, my being.
For me sexuality is about attraction. Whether it’s men, women—it doesn’t really matter. The human race is filled with passion and lust. And to coin terms like heterosexuality, homosexuality or even bisexuality makes no sense to me. You are human. You love who you love. You fuck who you fuck. That should be enough—no labels. No stigmas. Nothing. Just be to be. But life isn’t that kind. People will always find things to hate.
no matter how many boxes people try to put you in, as long as you know yourself, you’ll be fine in the end.
“My body is a temple.” “One that only Rose can enter,” Loren banters. “I’ll let you in sometime, darling. Don’t worry.” Loren laughs.
Connor smiles beside me. Whoever that girl is, she can’t have him. He’s all mine. Or maybe I’m his. We own each other, I think.
“How long do we have left?” I ask him softly, his body beginning to blur. He strokes my hair. “Pour toujours.” Forever.
We came together because we both wanted to be here more than anywhere else. We both had choices, and we both said yes to this, to us. That’s not fate. It’s just desire. And determination. Ambition. Resolve. We have it all.
