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Not that I know her or have seen her before. I recognize this feeling of finding something unexpected and exceptional. Discovery.
All the while his friend’s deep voice rumbles a few paces behind. I don’t want to be rude or nosy and look back, but the rich timbre, his towering height, his face obscured by the hoodie—I’m intrigued. He hangs back
When I look up from my plate, my gaze collides with Canon’s dark eyes fixed on me. Ever since he sat down, his glance has skidded over everyone, never settling, like a bee who can’t find a flower worthy of pollination. But he’s looking at me now, and I’ll be damned if I can look anywhere else. My breath is snatched under his scrutiny. It’s intent and discerning, his stare. I feel like something under glass he may add to his collection.
And every other part of her, but that’s not pertinent. Her ass. Her tits. Her flawless coppery skin. A face so expressive it’s like a blank canvas she paints every emotion across in vivid color, in broad strokes. Big brown eyes that in one moment offer everything and
“I haven’t seen you this set on a particular actress this way… well, ever,” he says, taking the seat across from me. “Don’t make the same mistake again. You aren’t—” “Dating her?” I finish for him through tight lips. “I was gonna say fucking
“Winston Churchill said history is written by the victors, but I would amend that to say it’s often written by liars. History is fact. You can’t change what happened, but you can edit it. People lie and leave out the truth, bend it to suit their needs. I like to tell stories that excavate the facts and expose the truth.”
“I don’t want to change you. I think you’re fantastic exactly as you are.” All humor fades to dust at the
great, a lot of them already famous, but I didn’t see that light until I saw you perform a few weeks ago. I want it. I want that light. I want that heart and that vulnerability and strength. There is so much inside you, Neevah, and I’m warning you now that I want it all.” And in this moment, sitting on
Not to mention, it’s not a good idea to be alone with Neevah
It’s simply who he is—hungry to know, to understand, and his intellect and curiosity consume everything in his path. Every story, every project, every conversation. This conversation. And when you are the subject of his lens, you feel like he’s hungry for you. Like he wants to understand exactly what it is he’s looking at. And I can’t help but wonder how that hunger would feel in a kiss.
broached the subject with Katherine.
know I need to make this call, but I’m bracing myself for that husky-sweet voice of hers, and how the sound of it hits me like a shot of whiskey. And I need a clear head. “You don’t have time
Monk is still on the phone when we board, and neither Canon nor I speak once we’re in motion. I sneak a peripheral glance at him from beneath my lashes, watching the shift of his shoulders under the jacket. I think about how I felt when I saw him with Arietta—the unreasonable jealousy. I wonder if he’s got a girl, some woman he goes home to or finds solace in or who merely slakes his physical needs. And the thought of it embeds a burning thorn in my heart. How can someone you’ve known for such a short time inspire this visceral response?
“Neevah,” Canon calls. I look over my shoulder, committing his face and the way I feel when I’m around him to memory. He stares back, his expression enigmatic, but alert. “Yeah?” I ask, my voice pitched low. Waiting. Breath held. “Nothing.” He frowns, clears his throat. “Good to see you again. Thanks for flying out.” Before I can respond, he releases the door, letting it close between
Oh my this right here
“And?” Takira’s eyes hold curiosity and cautious hope. “They said yes!” I jump on the bed and squeeze her neck. “Girl, we going to Hollywood!” “Ayyyyeeee!” Her squeal probably
“Monk found her.” “Um, you fought pretty hard for her.” I snap a glance up to study her face. “How do you know that?” “Evan told me.” “Figures.” I roll my eyes. “She’s the right choice.” “I believe it and I saw her screen test. I see why you’re so into her.”
It’s getting harder not to want him. Every day I stomp on this unfortunate longing, this ill-advised craving, this dead-end desire. And I cannot make it stop.
“I better get back out there.” He turns and is out the door before I can say anything else. Before I can ask him if I’m imagining this; if I’m alone in this growing awareness, or if he feels it, too. I keep slamming the door on my feelings, but there is a persistent tap, tap, tap constantly tempting me to open it. Daring me to find
I give notes to most of the cast directly, but usually, I send Neevah’s through Kenneth. Nothing good can come of this connection between us, so I’ve steered clear of
Canon please lol
cameraman doing the electric slide would typically make me smile, but I’m too preoccupied with visions of Trey bending Neevah over a couch in her trailer.
Lol ahhhhh jealousy
We share a brief laugh, our amusement cresting and falling, leaving us staring at each other with the same intensity I felt on the sidewalk, in Alabama, on the roof, in her trailer. Hell, every time I’m alone with this woman for more than two minutes, this happens. I don’t look away like I usually do—don’t suppress the rising wave. I let it, just this once, wash over us.
Taking care of the cast is my job, but I’m not sure how much longer I can pretend that the way I think about her,
She’s that way with Trey. I want to ask if she’s kissed him. If she’s fucked him. If he’s been to her house. I know exactly where Neevah and Takira are staying. As a producer, I have access to all that information, but she’s the only one whose housing I’ve checked or cared about.
Because we shared a few innocuous moments on a secluded balcony serenaded by Luther that felt more intimate than every kiss I’ve ever had? Girl, get
“Not strange at all. This is a long haul. Whatever self-care looks like for you, do that.” She looks at me speculatively. “Tell you what. There’s a great little family restaurant in Topanga Canyon that does a crazy-good Thanksgiving dinner. Fantastic view. You’d love it. I always try to convince my
Hmm the same place hyou reccomended canon?
I shoot down the image of Neevah, her smile equal parts sweet and seduction. I got too much shit to do. The last thing I need to think about is the actress starring in the biggest movie of my career. I’m not screwing
That was not okay. Those freckles pose a threat to my sanity and make me want to lick them, find out if they taste like cinnamon. Find out once and for damn all how she tastes. “Are you
“You mean everyone can read my emotions easily?” “I don’t know about everyone.” He holds my eyes over the menu. “I can.” That makes me highly uncomfortable
“Sit down.” The gravel-rough command in his voice sends a shiver clamoring up my spine. “I don’t think so. I really should—” “And where will you go? What
freely as she did.” He toys with the silverware wrapped in his napkin. “She had lovers and never tried to hide it from me. When we needed money, she didn’t pretend everything was okay. Even when times were hard, she didn’t take photography jobs she didn’t like or believe in at least a little. She said, to survive, don’t use your gift for shit you hate. Work in a grocery store, pump gas, pick up trash to get by before you corrupt your art.”
“Neevah, I wasn’t thinking about the movie.” He shifts his gaze to the creek just beyond our gazebo. “I was thinking about you.” A small silence pools between
When she looks at me, I feel like she sees me, and I’m not sure anyone ever really has. Why her?
“You know, at first I didn’t think so either.” She pulls back, the heat in her eyes tempered with a dangerous tenderness. “But then I saw you smile, and I could never think of you as anything but beautiful again.”
stop. If I touch her, this blows up again, and I’m bending her over that sink, shoving that skirt up and pushing her panties to the side. I don’t want our first time to be like that.
“You didn’t make me feel anything I wasn’t already feeling.” I walk forward, risking everything to reassure her. I lift her chin and make her meet my eyes. “It wasn’t anything I didn’t already want. That I still want.” “Then don’t go.” She reaches up, wrapping her hand around
bend to kiss her, giving my hands permission to slide down her arms, over her sides, and to her waist. She strains up on tiptoe, eating into our kiss, her lips soft and warm and eager. Neevah’s sweetness hides a devouring kind of passion. When we happen, she will burn me inside out, and I can’t wait.
And I just want a few more seconds in this world where we are, even if the only real thing here is us.
Neevah lets out another peal of laughter that sails across the set. What is so funny about some damn cards?
mean? Like a party or—” “More private.” He glances up, a slow-burning fire in his eyes. “I was thinking just us for a few days.”
thought I could.” He pushes the hair away from my cheek, over my shoulder. “I was wrong.”
This new beginning with my mother is the greatest gift. It’s restoration, or at least the start of one. I don’t know how or when it will happen with Terry.
“That desperate?” she cuts in, some of the humor fading from the other line. “The holidays are hell sometimes. I’m the only one in our family not married now, and you just feel it. Everybody’s booed up and got their kids and family pics on Instagram, and running around all elated. I felt like an extra trapped in one of those Hallmark Christmas movies.”
“Real talk? I see a man who doesn’t know what to do with what he’s feeling. That night at the Halloween party, I saw you on the balcony with him. Saw him laughing. This is Canon we’re talking about, whose smiles occur about as frequently as solar eclipses. I saw the way he looked at you. It’s so obvious to me he’s feeling you. I don’t know how everyone doesn’t see it. I don’t know how you don’t.”
Laughing at my neck, she pulls back to smile into my eyes. I return the smile and kiss her lightly on the lips. I can’t remember a time in my life where I felt like this. This happy. This satisfied. This starved. This possessive. Every emotion seems to be exaggerated with Neevah.
My life is a turntable in constant motion, and I can’t remember the last time I slowed down this way. She makes me want to slow down so I don’t miss a thing.
“One of the biggest mouths in Hollywood,” he says grimly. “Camille’s publicist.”
Oh no
I hate the chaos Camille’s interview could potentially create, but Neevah is the best thing to happen to me in a long time. Today, when faced with the consequences of our actions, I had to admit that to myself. In spite of all the trouble this could cause, I can’t regret her. Of course, my phone has been ringing nonstop. Neevah nodded off almost immediately and
The way you came into the meeting today and claimed us; not acting like it was something to be ashamed of, or I was something to hide; how you showed them you were fine if they know we’re together? That made me feel like I wasn’t in this alone.” “You’re not alone. I want this, Neevah.”
This is real—eating, laughing with him right now. Talking with the ease of summer breezes until we have to tear ourselves away from each other. Stealing the last kisses
Now, I realize I’m here to serve her—to make sure a voice this rich and true, swallowed by the years and by injustice,
