Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well

by Douglas Stone

As one HR executive joked, “In HR, we’re not happy until you’re not happy.” Of course, everyone knows that the HR function is crucial, but busy people can still find it intrusive. We’re quick to attribute character as the cause: Those in HR are compulsive, uptight, and excessively rule-bound. On the flip side, HR is frustrated by the deadbeats across all functions who are behind on their time sheets, submit perfunctory performance reviews, and skip out on mandatory training. Why do so many of our people behave like flaky, petulant teenagers? At the organizational level, these role tensions serve important purposes, but at the interpersonal level they can be destructive, especially if people are misidentifying the source of the conflict. It’s essential to disentangle the individual from their role by taking two steps back and asking: How are our roles contributing to how we see each other, and to the feedback we give each other? How much is role, and how much is personality or performance? Even if you don’t have an answer, just asking yourself the question, or discussing it between you, can shift awareness.