Hunyee is making a specific request. She’s not saying, “Quit being so critical,” or “I need you to back off.” These requests would reflect how she’s feeling, but they are unlikely to help, for two reasons. First, they set up the terms of a fight. She’s giving her mother feedback but tripping all her truth, relationship, and identity triggers at the same time. Her mother will be likely to argue about whether it’s “true” that she’s critical, or switchtrack because she feels unappreciated. She’ll be distracted as she wrestles with whether she’s a “good mother” and a “good person.” And second, the
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