If you run through this sorting exercise a few times, you’ll notice three things. First, you’ll see that with some effort you can hear most feedback either way. Second, if you’re successful in hearing it as coaching, you’ll notice that your identity reaction is diminished or gone. And third, you’ll start to notice patterns—your own tendencies. Not uncommonly people have this insight: Wow, I oversort toward evaluation way more than I realized. Whether you do that only one out of ten times or eight out of ten times, each of those oversorts is a potential meltdown that didn’t need to happen, and
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