The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships

by Harriet Lerner

In the “nice-lady” category, we attempt to avoid anger and conflict at all costs. In the “bitch” category, we get angry with ease, but we participate in ineffective fighting, complaining, and blaming that leads to no constructive resolution.

Feeling fuzzy-headed, inarticulate, and not so smart are common reactions experienced by women as we struggle to take a stand on our own behalf. It is not just anger and fighting that we learn to fear; we avoid asking precise questions and making clear statements when we unconsciously suspect that doing so would expose our differences, make the other person feel uncomfortable, and leave us standing alone.