The Burns We Carry (Lost and Found in Wallowpine #1)

by Marae Good

“I want to marry you.” I blinked real hard, believing I was dreaming. “I know we haven’t known each other long, and we don’t have to do it right away . . . but I feel like I’ve loved you forever.” I ran my fingers over my lips. My grin was wide, blooming from deep in my core. Inside, I was saying: HOLYMOLYWHATISHAPPENING? But on the outside, I was as cool as a cucumber. “Okay.” He laughed, his chest shaking against my shoulder. “Okay? That’s all?” “That’s all.” I craned my head and kissed his jaw, content to stay here for the rest of my life. Well—not here, in a hospital bed—but with him, yes. I felt his smile against my head, heard it in his voice. “Do you want your ring?” “Of course.” I stretched out my arm, wiggling my fingers. “Pop it on.” “Are the doctors sure your head is okay? Because you’re being way more mellow than I expected. I was expecting you to put up a fight, make me beg.”

“Brooks Graham—if that’s a Ring Pop in your pocket, I’m going to marry you twice.”

“Thank you for turning one of the worst days of my life into the very best.” “I wish I could take all your worst days and turn them into the best.” I closed my eyes and leaned into his hold, into him. “You already have.”

“You always said this was my choice . . . and I don’t want to be a part of your family.”

Noooo! Why are you being so dumb!

“I hope someday you meet someone who you’re brave enough to stop being lost for.”

“Take me with you to California.” There was no going home. Not when I’d burned it.

Shay, I hope if you’re reading this, it means you found the courage to write again and used every bit of space in this journal. But on the high likelihood you opened it up immediately to the last page as soon as I handed it to you, I love you. And now I’m praying you didn’t read this page first, because I really don’t want the first time I tell you I love you to not be with my lips. But wow, I love you. Maybe you’re reading this with me beside you in bed, maybe you’re laughing and calling me cheesy. (I really hope that’s what we’re doing.) But on the chance you’re not with me, and you’re somewhere across the world, I want you to know I still love you. I think I might’ve loved you the first moment I saw you, and that might’ve been why I was the grumpiest man on the planet, because holy hell—I was in love and that was terrifying. I’m proud of you. So proud. And no matter what, if our paths stay the same or break apart, I know I’ll always love you. And every time the sun rises and sets, I’ll think of you. I’ll be grateful that I was able to experience your warmth up close, and that I can still witness your light even from afar. I told you once I thought Dad brought you into our lives. Maybe you brushed it off, but I meant it. Maybe this is wishful thinking, and maybe it’s because he never left when he was alive, but I have a hard time believing that sort of love and devotion just disappears because he died. Regardless if it was fate or not, I’m grateful you’re in my life. And...

“I’ve never wanted to live anywhere but Wallowpine. It’s always been my home,” he said in a rush, like he couldn’t hold the words in any longer. “But then you left, and I realized it wasn’t home without you.”

“I don’t understand. It doesn’t make sense that you could possibly still want this after I broke our family.” “You didn’t break our family.” His voice was soft, but there was a sort of intensity there, like he believed it with his entire being. “Yes, I was hurt, sunshine. But when we started this, I knew we’d go at our own pace. It would be unfair of me to expect nothing but smooth sailing. I knew we’d hit standstills—even take steps back. But I knew we’d do it all together.”

“It scares me how much I love you, how much you own me. But you’re worth the fight, Shay. And I promise, I’ll spend the rest of our lives making sure you know it.”

“Tell me what you want,” he murmured, the words feverish on my skin. “Let me give you the world.” You can change it. You can claim the life you want. It’s yours for the taking. “I want to live in Wallowpine, with you,” I said quietly, but not meekly, claiming the life I wanted. “I want to finish the cabin—” “It’s done.” He must’ve felt my intake of breath, tasted the tears on my lips, because he added, “You were always coming home, Shay. It was just a matter of when.

I closed my eyes, my heart overcome with what he’d done. How could I have walked away, thinking he wasn’t worth the risk of being hurt? Never again. He was worth everything. “I want to work at the shop—but I also want time to write. And I might take an online class or two, because I really don’t know what I want to do. I kind of want to stay at home, at least for a while. I want to go on hikes and sleep under the stars. I want you to dance with me, because you promised you would. I want you at my doctor’s appointments, and I need you to hold my hand during labor and promise me I won’t die, because I’m really scared Tater’s going to rip me in two. I want you to be deliriously in love with our daughter and tell me she’s the most beautiful girl in the world, even if she looks like an alien. Make love to me, and laugh with me always. Give me your highs and lows, and let me cheer you on. I want you to make dinner for me, and I want you to teach me how to cook. And I promise I’ll give you all the lap dances in the world—” His eyes crinkled as he laughed against my lips, the sound filling my soul. “Anything else?” “Everything.” I cupped his jaw, his beard thicker than the last time I’d touched him. “But I’d be okay if you just gave me you.”