Elevator Pitch

by Evelyn Leigh

selah’s fuck it list Have multiple orgasms in one session Have sex in a public place Make pot brownies Recreate a favorite spicy scene from a book Experience an earth-shattering kiss See Niagara Falls Host a successful gathering Explore kink Fly first class Learn to bake Movie Night at the park Have a picnic

I refuse to apologize for who I’ve become because I’ll never be an afterthought again.

Someone is out there waiting to love me. Someone will see all that I am and provide ample space for me to just be. Someone will contribute to the life I’ve created for myself without dimming my light.

I didn’t fight to break down those barriers. Instead, I poured all my focus into work because that was easier than getting my wife to open up to me. I once made an effort to notice all the little things and cater to her every need, but then I became obsessed with the money I was making and the opportunities that came along. I was finally experiencing what validation felt like after years of feeling like I wasn’t good enough, but I lost sight of her in the process.

I *love* that this wasn’t a situation of her being a bitch or cheating or whatever, and that he’s immediately taking responsibility for how he failed in the relationship

I’ve eaten on nearly every continent and prayed to many gods, but love? I’d like to think that if love knocks again, I’ll answer the door.

“Listen, ma’am. I don’t have anywhere to be, but if you’re going to keep eye fucking me…I’d appreciate it if you’d ask me my name.”

“I’d like to know what captivates you.”

“How do you feel now that you got to see me?” He stares adoringly. “Very fucking fortunate.”

“My name is Greyson, but you can call me Grey if you’re nasty,” he adds with a disarming smile.

It was important for me to find a fellow Black woman as a therapist. I wanted to open up to someone who looked like me and would have a better understanding of my daily challenges as a Black woman.

“You know, we often talk about the ‘strong Black woman trope,’ and when you hide your vulnerability, you’re adhering to it. What would happen if you let go and allowed yourself to just be ‘Selah?’ Feel whatever you were feeling in that moment?”

“You forgot captivating, but yeah, that’s her.”

imagine a man describing you this way of his own volition??

For the first time in my life, I felt like I made friends who genuinely saw me. Not the shell of a person I became to survive, but who I was beneath it all. Books brought me to them.

I order my usual and a box of donut holes for us to share, since I’ve suddenly decided that having donuts and coffee with my neighbor is more important than getting to work on time.

Whenever I’ve shown interest in something that’s important to Selah, she’s always so shocked. It’s as if she has no idea how fascinating she really is. Something tells me there’s a lot to learn from the songs behind these tales scribed on her skin. I pull out my phone to make a quick note for myself. Happier Than Ever. Ctrl. Selah. Listen to these immediately.

“I’ve seen you do things to spreadsheets that make my pants tight.”

I can feel him staring at me, and I don’t mind it. His gaze feels like the warm sun on my skin on a spring morning. I want nothing more than to bask in it.

He studies my body language like his desire is to become fluent.

“I feel like I wasted my twenties with a partner that dimmed my light. I missed a lot of opportunities because I prioritized him and once I left, I had no clue how to be alone.

It doesn't escape me that after just one date with Greyson, I already feel more safe and secure with him than I had during the entirety of my relationship with Jourdan.

“Probably because the girls are really invested in him and you’ll be too. I don’t want to be in a relationship again. You’re bound to trip and fall into a relationship with a guy like him. He’s great.”

“You look so fucking good when you’re at my mercy,”

Then again, I haven’t had many partners, and if sex is supposed to be anything like what Greyson did to me, then I’m convinced I haven’t fucked anyone before him, and I’d like to be compensated for my wasted time.

It’s exhausting pretending to be neurotypical in public settings, but masking is a part of my daily routine at this point.

It may be the sweets that calm me or the fact that someone can pick me out of the crowd no matter how well I think I’m masking, but it never makes me feel judged. It feels like when you were a kid playing by yourself on the playground then another kid walked up randomly and started playing with you. They might not have said much at first, but they chose you and from that day on you never had to play alone.

Bossing men around is my favorite thing on Earth, and this was for a good cause.

I wouldn’t say I have a crush on him, but he’s a very attractive man.

dirty fuckin liar

It’s nice that he takes interest in things that matter to me.

I pleased her once and it was an honor. I just thought it affected her.

I’m not mad at her for going on a date, I’m mad at myself for not asking her.

“What am I going to do with you?” “Anything you’d like, as long as you ask nicely.”

“As many songs as you need to express yourself. I think this is the best way for you to share what really goes on in that beautiful head of yours when words don’t seem like enough.”

It’s about taking your time to please your partner, planning for it to take all night long. Good to know she and I are on the same page because she won’t be tapping out until I allow it.

“I should gag you with these for teasing me while I’m driving. I’d like to get you home in one piece before you fall apart.”

I’ve seen monuments, masterpieces, and the seven wonders of the world, and they are nothing compared to her.

I’ve never cared much for kissing before, and I’m convinced that’s because it wasn’t with her.

She catches me staring and smiles sweetly. Peeling back the mask and giving me a glimpse of that radiance she hides from the world. I yearn for her familiarity and I don’t care who knows it.

She can have anything she fucking wants. If she asked me to obey her every word, I would.

“There’s a bug going around that prevents you from lifting a finger. It’s serious, and I’m afraid there’s no cure.” He shakes his head in concern. “You’ve been showing symptoms, so I’m just going to have to take care of you.”

I even felt safe enough to submit to him. He was so encouraging and open. Even when he gave up control, he obeyed my every word. I need to be careful because I could get addicted to that kind of freedom.

“I don’t know how to say this without sounding like a possessive asshole, but I’m going to try. I like the time we spend together, and I didn’t like seeing you on that date. Let me know if I’m being ridiculous, but I feel like we understand each other, and the sex is…phenomenal.” His cheeks heat. “I’m not saying commit to me, but I’d like to know if you’d be okay with us exclusively doing whatever this is. No dates and no sleepovers with anyone else.”

The last thing I need is to get wrapped up in someone else because they’re a balm over everything I’m afraid of.

and I’m happy to have found someone who’s on the same page as me.

Babe lie to yourself, not to me

There needs to be a study done on the effect of this man, and how you can just forget everything you don’t like about yourself under his gaze.

It’s so special to see your friends being loved out loud and properly.

Note to self: Order silk pillowcases and a bonnet for her to keep here.

don’t make me cry, Grey 😭

I roll over carefully and wrap her in my arms. I don’t wish to disturb her…I just need to be closer.

No matter how much we say we don’t want to end up like our parents, we often do.

“How do I look at her?”

“Like if you blink, she’ll disappear. You look at her like you’ve found the peace you’ve been looking for all this time.”