Redefining Realness: My Path to Womanhood, Identity, Love & So Much More

by Janet Mock

Most cis people rarely question their gender identity because the gender binary system validates them, enabling them to operate without conflict or correction.

Objectification and sexism masked as desirability were a bittersweet part of my dream fulfilled.

Many cis people assume that trans women, whether we “pass” as cis or not, are pretending to be someone we are not, and often expect us to disclose that we are trans to all we meet. Disclosure should be an individual personal choice based on circumstances such as safety, access, and resources.

The violence that trans women face at the hands of heterosexual cis men can go unchecked and uncharted because society blames trans women for the brutality they face.

When I am asked how I define womanhood, I often quote feminist author Simone de Beauvoir: “One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman.” I’ve always been struck by her use of becomes. Becoming is the action that births our womanhood, rather than the passive act of being born (an act none of us has a choice in).