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Fickle Ferry, which had driven them across Lake Lachrymose
once again the alliteration makes it easier for children to remember but it also just sounds good. a storybook world without the cliche'd happy ending. plus, lake lachrymose "tearful or given to weeping", a lake made of tears or prone to causing them. freaking brilliant.
Mr. Poe was kindhearted, but it is not enough in this world to be kindhearted, particularly if you are responsible for keeping children out of danger. Mr. Poe had known the three children since they were born, and could never remember that they were allergic to peppermints.
once again, the #1 villain of the series. if poe has no haters im dead.
When Mr. Poe said “this time,” he looked at the children meaningfully as if it were their fault that poor Uncle Monty was dead.
once again, adults taking not even a smidge of responsibility for their actions or in this case in-action
“So long,” Mr. Poe replied, “and good luck to you. I will think of the Baudelaires as often as I can.”
fuuuuuckkkk mr. poe
And out beyond the dock was the inky blob of Lake Lachrymose, huge and dark as if a monster were standing over the three orphans, casting a giant shadow below them.
As the three orphans peered down at their new home, it seemed as if the entire house were holding on to the hill for dear life.
“Actually,” Klaus said,
the only "um, actually" boy i will ever respect
“It is so generous of you,” Violet said, “to give us all of these things.” She was too polite to add that they weren’t things they particularly liked.
the fact that despite everything they are still such good kids at their core just makes everything sadder
“Schu!” Sunny shrieked, which probably meant something along the lines of “It’s been a long time since anything in our lives has felt fair.”
Even from the other side of the glass Klaus could feel a small chill. “I want to complain, anyway,” he said.
as a kid i wanted to badly to be violet but re-reading these now, i think i really am more like klaus. as much as i know that anger and complaining won't fix the situation i still cannot help the bitterness but you fight through it.
The only sound was of Sunny’s four teeth chattering on her soup spoon as she ate her frigid dinner.
Lake Lachrymose felt like a friend to me. But when it took poor Ike away from me I was too afraid to go near it anymore. I stopped swimming in it. I never went to the beach again. I even put away all my books about it. The only way I can bear to look at it is from the Wide Window in the library.”
this series has such a beautiful way to describe grief, especially for a children's story
“Leeches,” Klaus explained, “are a bit like worms. They are blind and live in bodies of water, and in order to feed, they attach themselves to you and suck your blood.”
sort of like olaf lol
“Oh, I could never sell this house,” Aunt Josephine said. “I’m terrified of realtors.”
it's easy to forget how funny these books are sometimes
it is hard to concentrate on somebody else being eaten by a bear when you are staring at your own ugly pimple.
valid
He was smiling eagerly down at her as if she were a brightly wrapped birthday present that he couldn’t wait to rip open.
using something innocent and appealing to children, a present, to describe something potentially horrifying, olaf ripping violet apart. brilliant.
My name is Captain Sham, and I have a new business renting sailboats out on Damocles Dock.
captain SHAM - so blatant, it's hilarious.
DAMOCLES dock - "the sword of Damocles", an allusion to the imminent and ever-present peril.
Aunt Josephine’s eyes welled up, and she placed a hand on Captain Sham’s shoulder. “Oh, you poor man,” she said, and the children knew at once that they were doomed.
I can’t believe you would dare to disagree with a man who has eye problems.” “I have eye problems,” Klaus said, pointing to his glasses, “and you’re disagreeing with me.” “I will thank you not to be impertinent,” Aunt Josephine said, using a word which here means “pointing out that I’m wrong, which annoys me.”
being reprimanded for being impertinent - my childhood in a nutshell
Just because something is typed—whether it is typed on a business card or typed in a newspaper or book—this does not mean that it is true.
sadly, this remains incredibly relevant
“We could call Mr. Poe and tell him Count Olaf is here,” Klaus said. “Maybe he could come and fetch us.” “That’s the biggest maybe of them all,” Violet said. “It’s always impossible to convince Mr. Poe of anything,
mr poe once again being the worst
I have a friend named Gina-Sue who is socialist, and Gina-Sue has a favorite saying: “You can’t lock up the barn after the horses are gone.” It means simply that sometimes even the best of plans will occur to you when it is too late.
once again, snicket teaching me english idioms was something i didn't realize i needed as a child but i am very grateful for as an adult. also, the casual socialism drop is hilarious for some reason.
Violet was afraid that she was calling out Aunt Josephine’s name when her aunt could no longer hear it.
“You are being unbearable, with a U,” Violet cried. “And you are being stupid, with an S,” Klaus snapped.
is this the first time that they actually fight?
Oftentimes, when people are miserable, they will want to make other people miserable, too. But it never helps.
and i oop lol
It seemed clear that Mr. Poe would not be of any help in this situation, either.
understatement of the century
It was as if the disastrous fire that took the lives of their parents had been the beginning of a trap, and they hadn’t even known it.
yeah... about that
Tears are curious things, for like earthquakes or puppet shows they can occur at any time, without any warning and without any good reason.
god i love snicket's voice, it's the perfect balance between lighthearted and sentimental
I am sitting in my room, in the middle of the night, writing down this story and looking out my window at the graveyard behind my home.
just a random graveyard or a specific grave?
“Think of what your poor mother and father would say if they knew you were threatening to run away from your guardian.”
emotionally manipulating children... god he's the woooorst
“Hello, I’m Larry, your waiter,” said Larry, the Baudelaire orphans’ waiter.
oh larry-your-waiter... it's nice to you bud
“Welcome to the Anxious Clown restaurant—where everybody has a good time, whether they like it or not.
LOL
Besides being slimy and cold-blooded, Captain Sham resembled the chameleon in that he was chameleonic, a word which means “able to blend in with any situation.”
oooh buuurn lol
“That’s a very sad story,” Larry said, and everyone turned to see that their waiter was still standing over them. “I didn’t realize this was a sad occasion.
if only the kids had known how to respond...
Like most restaurants filled with neon lights and balloons, the Anxious Clown served terrible food.
If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats.
sage advice
“I don’t understand what you’re saying,” Violet said, scratching at a hive on her neck that was the exact shape of the state of Minnesota.
makes me wonder where and when exactly the story takes place. my headcanon has always been somewhere around new england. definitely east coast.
“Bluh?” Sunny shrieked, which probably meant “gluh?” which meant something along the lines of “Why are you wasting valuable time studying grammar?”
i literally will never vet tired the of the absurdity of these books. lemony is by far one of my all-time favorite narrators
“You’ve been so busy figuring out the message,” Violet said, “that you don’t understand what it means.
can’t see the forest for the trees.
“Carp Cove, Chartreuse Island, Cloudy Cliffs, Condiment Bay, Curdled Cave—here it is! Curdled Cave, page one hundred four.”
all of these are food related. because food is what can get you killed on the lake? that’s hilarious
I have seen a woman I loved picked up by an enormous eagle and flown to its high mountain nest.
the eagles! i’d almost forgotten about them
Stealing, of course, is a crime, and a very impolite thing to do. But like most impolite things, it is excusable under certain circumstances. Stealing is not excusable if, for instance, you are in a museum and you decide that a certain painting would look better in your house, and you simply grab the painting and take it there. But if you were very, very hungry, and you had no way of obtaining money, it might be excusable to grab the painting, take it to your house, and eat it.
wiser words have never been spoken. but in all seriousness… sometimes the ends do justify the beans. right?
Sunny was crawling through the open door of the shack, flattening her little body enough so as not to open the door any wider.
sunny said, yall debate morality as long as you want. imma get shit done
Brobdingnagian—a word which here means “unbelievably husky”—that
“I guess we never noticed it because of Aunt Josephine,” Violet said. “We got used to looking at the lake through her eyes.”
the word “phantasmagorical” here means “all the creepy, scary words you can think of put together”—place.
strange white rock formations, all melted and twisted together so they looked like moldy milk.
CURDLED cave lol
It’s nothing to be afraid of.” The orphans did not move. The sound did not stop. “I’m afraid of it, anyway,” Violet said. “Me too,” Klaus said.
it's moments like these where it hits you that they really are only children. the oldest is barely 14
They understood that she was so wrapped up in her own fears that she had not given a thought to what might have happened to them. They understood that Aunt Josephine had been a terrible guardian, in leaving the children all by themselves in great danger.
adding to the list of dog shit adults in this series lol
The Lachrymose Leeches made a quiet, whispering sound on the water as they swam, as if the Baudelaire orphans were surrounded by people murmuring terrible secrets.
not entirely wrong, that's basically all VFD is good for
