If You Hate Me

by Helena Hunting

“Chill out, Daddy. Everyone knows they’re boning. It’s borderline NSFW when they look at each other.”

can you all be normal THAT IS YOUR FATHER

And it’s good to know he’s taking care of all your needs. He’s not worth your time if he’s not going downtown. Isn’t that right, Hollis?”

SAYING THAT IN FRONT OF UR CHILD IS CRAZY PLEASE SHUT UP

girl-gasm.

i’m losing braincells

I’m in love with Bea.

congrats you are literally the last person to know

“I don’t think I can do this with you anymore.”

😧 bro im begging u to go to therapy or at least stay broken up this time

“That’s the name of a therapist.

REAL

“Hi. My name is Tristan Stiles. My teammate, Roman Hammerstein, gave me your number. I’m in love with my best friend’s sister, but I don’t think I deserve her. She also hates me right now because I’m an asshole, and I’m fucking up my life because I don’t know how to handle my feelings. I could use some help. Please. When you have a chance, can you call me back so I don’t lose her forever? Thanks.” I leave my number and end the call.

that’s not how therapists work

so instead I go to the counter and buy a ticket home.

YOU ARE EMBARRASSING BRO

“Why are you on a plane home from Vancouver when you played a game in Toronto last night?”

she’s real because wtf is wrong with him

“Yeah.” My mouth is so itchy, and my head is spinning

i hope he’s actually allergic to these and goes into anaphylactic shock and dies the end