If You Hate Me

by Helena Hunting

Now it’s an ongoing joke because he’s a next-level fuckboy, as in “Flip me over and do me from behind.”

what a strange thing to call your brother

I wipe and debate whether I should flush but decide against it because it could cause unnecessary noise.

unnecessary noise? bitch you slammed the door and jumped from the loft i think we’re past that

“How the hell did you get in here? Did Flip give you a fucking key?” he demands, listing to the right.

now let’s reiterate for the class. her brother- who she calls flip for totally normal reasons- does not own this condo, his friend does and he just also lives there, and he proceeds to not tell the owner of the condo and his roommate that his sister is going to stay there…. flip what is wrong with you

His smirk grows smirkier.

literary genius

I had a boyfriend in university, before Rob, who was big into Dungeons & Dragons. Sometimes he would dress up as a wizard.

like… during sex?

“That’s probably from the pussy shots you were doing last night,”

what the Fuck is a pussy shot

and I want to hump his leg a little.

…. ok i’m scared

But I shock even myself when I lick the edge of his jaw.

you’re in a car with your brother rn

“I satisfy my partners every single fucking time,” I blurt.

any askers

I always drink too much and end up doing things I shouldn’t. I don’t want to be a problem for the team, and that includes Hemi.

ok so crazy idea. stop doing that

Is buying my brother a car for his eighteenth birthday over the top?

bro HUH

I still send a reply, like an idiot.

yeah you are an idiot

He leaves the door open, flips the toilet seat up, and relieves himself.

now why the fuck is he doing that

“I’m Rix,

rix is such a bad name it makes me forgive the flip situation

“You slept with someone’s wife this summer, Phillip,” she reminds him. “She said they were divorced.” “Seriously, Flip? Where the hell is your moral compass?” I’m flabbergasted.

ok…. what the flip bro

nipples are nipple-y.

again. literary genius

They want you more than a hockey player wants a full set of teeth.”

ok i giggled

jill-off material.

HUH

I open my water bottle, take a small sip, and then tip my head back and pour the contents down my chest.

you are insufferable

“It must burn your ass.”

what are you even talking about

“What you wouldn’t give right now to be able to shut me up with your cock in my mouth, eh?”

EH???? fuckin canadians

“Oh, little girl,

LITTLE GIRL??? HUH

But the fact that he’s totally clear-headed when he makes these choices is also unexpected.

yeah that’s. interesting

My Batdick was lying on the sink.

who keeps their vibrator on the sink and who names their vibrator batdick of all things

jerking it while I’m up here jilling.

jilling is NOT a phrase and i hate it

my angry, extra juicy vagina

your WHAT 😦

as I hurl my still-buzzing vibrator at him.

HUH i’m literally FLABBERGASTED

I fold back and rise to my knees, transferring her ankles to one shoulder. Clamping an arm around her shins,

i feel like i’m trying to solve trigonometric equations tryin to figure out this position

She tenses when I press against her ass.

we’re 25% of the way thru and we’re already doing anal play ok great cool whatever at least we can only go up from here right

“Good. It’s mine then.”

crazy thing to say mr.one-time-only

she yeeted her vibrator

yeeted is not a word that should be in a book

I was today years old when I realized

oh lord i don’t know if i can read this

“You’re being unreasonable about ice cream, Beat. Just buy more.”

that would just piss me off more

“Fuck, Bea. Please, don’t cry. I don’t want to make you cry.”

i want this man to kill himself

He aggressively bites off the end, then slides the unbitten side back into me while chewing.

😧

“About trying to get your cock and a cucumber inside me at the same freaking time?”

yall have problems

He exhales a cucumber-and-vagina-scented breath.

that is disgusting

That my brother is inviting his best friend to take part in a threesome in front of me is indicative of the lack of boundaries in their relationship.

i think you should probably kill your brother

Hammer and Bea rub their lemons on their collarbones, then sprinkle each other with salt.

not only is that disgusting but who tf uses LEMON when doing tequila shots

“The night you got your entire hand in my cock holder.

What the Fuck are you even saying

“I am a big fan of your pussy, but”—I curve a hand around the back of her neck, brushing my lips across her cheek—“the rest of you is pretty great too.”

you folded so hard and so quick bro we’re barely halfway thru

I have a text from Bea. A long one. She said she would stay, and she’s gone. She fucking left me.

hhaahahahahahahahaha

I’m living here rent free, and sleeping with his bed friend,

his bed friend? is there something abt tristan and flip that i don’t know

“Is there room for one more?”

THAT IS CRAZY DO YALL HAVE NO BOUNDARIES OH MY GOD

“We’ve been in the same woman at exactly the same time. My dick and his dick.” He slaps his palms together. “Like this.”

things your sister does not need to know

Hollis gets a salad with cucumbers, and I barely resist the urge to yeet it across the room.

seek therapy

“I’m nervous, too. I’m probably better at railing you than I am dating you.” “You’ve had a lot more practice railing me, so it makes sense you’d be better at it.”

this entire conversation is painful because real people do not talk like this

How painful must that have been? How unloved must he have felt? How powerless? How broken?

wahwah cry abt it

I spend close to five hundred dollars on maple-infused condiments, frozen foods, and three pies.

that is actually fucking crazy

“I thought I was supposed to gargle your balls and choke on your cock?”

PLEASE BE NORMAL IM BEGGINH