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These men don’t deserve my life. In fact, they owe me theirs.
six-three tatted soldier still stained with yesterday’s bloodbath.
was a storm that day, and those men weren’t the only casualties. It razed me to the ground as well.
“One hundred and twenty-four women and children are being held at the Den,” he says softly,
“Three hundred and twelve men keep them there. Using them. Treating them as slaves. Trading them. They use the children to keep the women in line, you know.”
“Eighty of those men are mine. Many more are on the verge of joining me.”
It’s incredible how guilt can take you in little nibbles. Bite after tiny bite, you just . . . disappear.
As far as he was concerned, I was there for sex. What a brilliant opportunity that must have been to make Jasper jealous.
How can he feel that strongly if it’s all a lie? How can I?”
“Did you ever think that he was just in love with you from day one and spent every session trying to seduce you?”
Like I need the reminder that I messed things up for both of us, over and over. But it’s not like he helped. He was always so quick to dive in and kiss every bruise better. Wipe every tear. If I stuck my foot in it, he apologized for me. The only time he ever let me do anything myself was when he was mad or if they pissed him off. Then I was flown in to be the big bad wolf again. It’s no fucking wonder they never trusted me.
She’s struggling to maintain her composure—displaying classic signs of emotional dysregulation, hypervigilance, hyperarousal, as well as bouts of listlessness and aggression.
Take it from someone who grew up with five brothers and was on the force for ten years—you need to be tough, or they’ll snatch any bit of control out of your hands they can.”
is that what I need to do to become strong? Push back like everything is a fight I need to win? It seems . . . exhausting.
I run. I hide. I poison in secret. I let prisoners run free. I lie about it.
Jasper. God. I know what he can help with. With drawing me in, talking me down, with making me feel like we’re the only two people in the world. Only to crush me in his fist. Jasper breaks my heart every time I talk to him. And I don’t have enough glue right now to keep putting it back together.
It hurts too much to come in as less, Lucky. I’ve done it all my life, and I just . . . can’t.”
Dom didn’t choose Eden. Not after she saved our lives, not after the river, not after the battle for Bristlebrook. He didn’t even choose her after running after her for weeks, knowing what almost happened. Not one of her amazing qualities are enough for him, not even knowing that I’m head over ass in love with her, and that all three of us could have had it all. We’re not enough for him.
“You call my boyfriend a middle-aged washout again, and your hair won’t be blue. It will be gone.”
“We can’t change the things that happen to us—only change what they help us to become.”
I want to act in ways that make me proud. I want to be strong enough to protect the people I care about. I want to be brave enough to tell them how I feel. I don’t want to choose between the people I love—and I don’t want them to have to choose for me, either. I want them to have every happiness, because it’s too rare in this world, and they deserve all of it. I want to be better than jealousy and pettiness. I want what Jasper promised the first day I arrived at Bristlebrook—a family and a safe home.
We choose each other, and we choose to be better than our worst choices.”
Prepared this for you, buddy.
Aaron took ages to relieve me.
“He is being left out again. You guys are shitty friends,” Ava mutters, swiping a round of ammo. “None of you even came to say hi when he got back. You take him for granted.”
just can’t spend weeks here waiting, not knowing if you’re going to come home or not.” Just the thought of it has my palms sweating and my throat closing over. “I already thought you were all dead once, and it nearly broke me. I can’t do it again.”
“Rules one through five. Don’t touch me unless I tell you to. Address me as ‘sir.’ Stay where I put you. Don’t speak unless you’re moaning my fucking name, answering a question, or safeing out.”
“And when I ask for a hole to use, you better present one to me. Fast.”
It must be hard to see, watching your betters have everything.”

