Long Live Evil (Time of Iron #1)

by Sarah Rees Brennan

Under Rae’s eager gaze, they drew back a fold of blanket with the reverence of a groom unveiling his bride, and showed the baby’s newborn face. She wasn’t beautiful. She looked like an angry walnut.

Beauty was like a big umbrella, both useful and awkward to handle.

Book characters were dangerously attractive in the safest way. You didn’t even know what they looked like, but you knew you liked it.

Reading a book was like meeting someone for the first time. You don’t know if you will love them or hate them enough to learn every detail, or skim the surface never to know their depths.

“Wait, who’s this guy?” Rae had demanded. “I love him.”

samesies though

The series title might as well be Holy Shit, Basically Everybody Dies.

JJK? Is that you?!?!

“You constantly forget characters’ names!”

“Have you considered the Emperor has great cheekbones? Sorry to the side of good. Evil’s just sexier.”

“Everyone who thinks books will make women date assholes underestimates us. If stories hypnotize people, why isn’t everybody terrified movies will turn boys into drag-racing assassins? I don’t want to fix the guy, I want to watch the murder show.”

saw. Villainous characters had epic highs, epic lows, and epic loves. The Emperor loved like an apocalypse. In real life, people let you go. That was why people longed for the love from stories, love that felt more real than real love.

He had black hair, but not a menacing mane of midnight. Chopped-uneven locks sprang straight from his head with the ends flipping down as if he were a cheery goth daffodil.

#GothDaffodil. I love him.

“I’m a treacherous, power-hungry bitch, and honestly? It feels amazing. Don’t listen to stories encouraging you to be good, telling you to shine in a filthy world and patiently endure suffering. Screw suffering. It’s too hard to be good. Do the easy thing. Do the evil thing. Grasp whatever you desire in your greedy bloodstained hands.”

“High five,” proposed Rae. Key’s smirk tilted smile-ward. “No idea what you’re saying.” Rae’s hand was already lifted. “Hit my hand.” “How hard?” Key asked obligingly. “Should I break it?” Rae started back. “Do not! Tap my palm with your palm. Gently! Gently!”

Nobody had this kind of upper body strength. Fiction was absurd.

Key sounded impressed but doubtful. “Love survives execution?” She recalled an internet manifesto on why villains were better lovers. “Love burns down the world for a kiss.” “Did you say, burns down the world for kicks?”

An anti-hero was just a villain with good PR. The Emperor might sympathize with Rae. She’d always sympathized with him.

“Lady Rahela demanded to see you and tried to hurl herself out a window. Since I’m new to my duties, I wasn’t sure if I should let ladies throw themselves out of windows?”

Seriously, you will be powerful A.F.” The king’s brow wrinkled. “A.F.?” “As foretold,” Rae intoned hastily.

The window above broke silently,

how though

Key’s smile jolted briefly out of place. “How did you know?” Rae shrugged. “You want money, the Cobra’s the richest guy in town. I ain’t saying you’re a gold digger, but—that is in fact what I’m saying.”

The Cobra turned to Rae’s minions. “I must insist. No offence, but you both terrify me. If made nervous, I come over all shy and quiet.”

The Cobra watched as Rae joined him. He was all glittering brightness, except those dark, steady eyes. Rae waited to hear salacious gossip about the court, or the king. Instead he murmured, “Girl, where are you from?” Rae gestured vaguely. “The palace?” The Golden Cobra leaned forward. This close, Rae saw tiny painted dragons spreading gold wings on his cheekbones, dragons’ tails curling in the slight hollows beneath. “That’s not what I’m asking. Where did you live, before you walked into the story?” The wicked Marquis of Popenjoy dropped his voice even lower. “I’m a New York City boy myself.” Rae got up and shut the door.

She’d heard people often asked writers ‘Do you put real people in your books?’ Rae had never thought anyone meant it literally.

“There’s a musical now?” A spotlight of sheer joy illuminated the Cobra’s face, then dimmed. “I can’t believe I’m a villain.” “I can’t believe you thought you could have a snake theme and be a hero.”

The perfect form for a story is an exciting beginning, an angsty middle, and a happy ending.”

“You’re so weird.” Rae patted his head. “I’m fond and everything, but wow.”

“‘Boss’,” Rae decided. “How many knives do you have on your person?” “I can’t do complicated mathematics and kill ghouls at the same time.”

“Do you lift?” He tossed a smile gone sly over his bare shoulder. “Knives. Spoons to my mouth. A woman, once.”

“My lady. I’ll mean it now.” Except he’d already confessed to lying once. He could lie again any time. “Cool,” Rae told him. “Thanks.” “I’ll keep my word. I’ll be yours if you care to keep me.” “It’s a bargain.” Rae hoped that was enough.

“I’m so happy,” Key murmured, “to belong to someone again.” When he tipped his head back, his eyes shone like stars, in a way only the eyes of a character could. No real person’s eyes burned with intensity that cut through darkness and distance, with light so terrifyingly bright it would burn long after the star burned out.

I am CRYING. SOBBING.

“You don’t have to kill if you don’t like it,” Key promised. “I’ll kill them for you.” “Kill who?” Against her hair, she felt his mouth curve. “Everyone.”

Octavian was supposed to save Lia in the nick of time. Instead he was doing the majestic equivalent of turning up late to the meeting with Starbucks.

“The day we met, you said, ‘I’m your number one fan.’” “Did I?” The Cobra made a comically embarrassed face. “Cringe!” It was so rare to see the Cobra flustered, Marius ducked his head to hide a smile. “It was the first incomprehensible thing you ever said to me. ‘One’ is a number and a fan is an object. You might as well say ‘I’m a number five wooden duck.’ What did you mean?” “It means I want you to win.” How nice, but, “To win what?” “The love triangle!”

“You’re getting sharp with us. Please remember: sharp words are okay! Sharp axes, not so much. Stay calm, Emer. Though I understand panic, because our plot has collapsed. Our plot needs bed rest and sea air.

“According to the story, you learn how to be real by being loved,” Key answered. “But I think when you become more real, you learn to love someone the right way.

When nobody believes in you, it’s too hard to believe in yourself.

You can be the centre of the world and the meaning of the story. I will make every word you ever say true.”

She heard the smile in Key’s voice as he murmured, “I believe in you.” Beneath her hand she felt the rhythmic thunder of his heart. As though he were a real living person. As though she held the drums of war in the hollow of her hand.

“Give me a bite.” Instead of breaking off a piece, he leaned down and sank his white teeth into the crust in Rahela’s hand, then straightened up smirking in Key’s direction. “I’m surprisingly glad you survived to devil us.” Key scowled, but after a moment grinned back. “I’ll devil you in particular.” “Please, no.” The Cobra winked at Rae.

A guardsman muttered, “Harlot,” as Rae swept by. She reached to stop Key’s surge forward. “Sticks and stones may break my bones!” Just Key’s smile made the guard retreat. “Sledgehammers break their bones for sure.”

My beautiful and unhinged #GothDaffodil 🥰🥰

“Don’t say serial killer things! We already have one of those.” He gestured at Key, who grinned.

In a strangely calm voice, Rahela addressed Lord Marius. “You said Lia has no family to intervene. But she does.” Wearing her disaster-defying expression, she turned to Key and placed her hands on his belt. Efficiently, she removed the regulation guard’s sword from its scabbard. He watched her, eyes hooded. “Don’t,” Key breathed. She stepped back. “Trust me. I can fix this.” Key moved fast as a monster in a firelit tale of terror, but the movement ended not in violence but gentleness. His fingertips grasped the edge of her sleeve. “Boss. Let me.” Rahela’s eyes travelled over his face. “I know how you feel, but you’re still hurt.” “I swear I’m not!” Her voice echoed as though she were a ghoul calling from the ravine. “You took the oath. I command you to stay.”

you can't hear me but I am SCREAMING right now

Except the manticore didn’t charge. It shrieked as three knives flew through the air like bright steel birds, embedding themselves in its blazing red hide. Key was leaning over the rails. “He didn’t actually go down into the arena, my lady,” Emer pointed out. Rahela sighed. “There’s always a loophole.”

I L O V E KEY

“What did you think you were doing, throwing knives when you’re still recuperating? You’re in big trouble.” Key shrugged. She was glad to see the movement was so easy. “So punish me.” “You’re playing with fire,” Rae threatened. “I’m a heartless villainess. You don’t know what I might do to you.” Key seemed undaunted. “I know my mistress is cruel and without mercy. I will accept whatever hideous fate she has in store for me.”

“You wish me to seduce Lord Marius but marry the king, so we can use him as a tool?” Lia looked impressed. “Lost gods, you are wicked.”

“I could do that,” Key volunteered with a wink. The Cobra took off his sunglasses and started to beat Key with them as Key laughed. “I wasn’t talking about murder! I’m never talking about murder and you’re always talking about murder!”

A second hot bath might be overkill, but Rae had a lot of party eyeliner to remove and she schemed better in her hot tub.

“You told me you were forgettable, replaceable, and insignificant,” Key said. “You said not to risk myself, unless I had an absolutely imperative reason. I do. My universe is altered by your wishes.

“My men will bring you down in twelve seconds.” Face alight with glorious ruin, Key tossed a laugh and a knife into the air. “Let’s see how much treason I can commit in twelve seconds.”

the metal hulk,

Truck-kun strikes again