Beautiful Monster

by Sara Cate

“He bought that house. He’s what...thirty?” she says, screwing up her face. “Forty.”

“You’re almost twenty, Sunny. You’ll be horny for guys like Alexander Caldwell soon enough.

Is he just going to sit there and watch me the whole time? It should make me uncomfortable...but it doesn't. I normally hate when people watch me paint.

He should be out there with my sister. He’s forty. I’m nineteen.

When he asked my age, it changed. Like he was checking to see how illegal it would be to touch me.

It wasn’t about Sunny’s age. But man, I’d like to fuck someone who actually feels things. Who makes me feel things.

I mean, I’m not giving up sex entirely. But the next person I fuck, I want to feel something. Someone with life in her eyes.

I’m not trying to get in a teenager’s panties. I just can’t handle empty stares anymore. No more fake tits. Fake eyelashes. Fake orgasms. Sunny is real, and right now, I’m craving something real.

"Good thing there's space to get through the hedges in the yard."

Predicting this goes away before the third act.

I should not be feeling like this for him. He's twice my age, and Cadence likes him.

Fuck the latter

If you ever need to get out of there, you come here, okay?”

The stinging scent of chemicals in the paint brings that comfort I love. It smells like home. And I don’t mean my house. Home like that feeling of comfort. Home like freedom.

Not like this, I tell myself. My kiss on his lips was different. That moment belongs to me. But this? Kissing him so he can kiss me back while he’s too drunk to remember it and still has some other bitch’s taste on his mouth? No fucking way.

I realize that pulling away doesn’t seem to be working, but he’s starting to drift off, too drunk and exhausted to keep his eyes open while in his bed. So, I let him hold me against his body, rubbing his groin against me a couple times. He only gets in two thrusts before he stills, and his eyes roll closed.

It doesn’t take a genius to see what a guy in his forties who’s fucked a different girl every week since he was sixteen would do with an eighteen-year-old virgin, and if I were any other guy, I would beat the ever loving shit out of me for even thinking it.

My sister jumps into the water without another word, and it’s a moment longer before a soft hand glides across the bare skin of my lower back, sending butterflies sailing through my stomach. I freeze under the contact. “Take a break, rain cloud,” he whispers, his mouth so close to my neck.

And I let myself believe Alex is mine. He’s mine and I’m his, and it’s the safest and most fulfilling thing I could feel.

I let out a shriek as he hoists me all the way to the water, my head hanging back on his shoulder as his laugh fills my ears. Then, I’m airborne. Flying through the air until I land, submerged by water, chilling me to the bone. My scream is cut off, and when I open my eyes underwater, I see him submerge just next to me, pushing off the bottom of the pool. He wraps his hands around my waist again and we glide to the surface as one.

I didn’t realize how badly I needed her attention until she stopped giving it to me. It’s like I’m suddenly the teenager, and she’s the adult. I’d stomp and scream for her to look at me if it worked.

“I’m sorry, Sunny. I’m all kinds of fucked up. I’m doing everything I can not to kiss you, and that was stupid. I know it. But not kissing you would be the most noble fucking thing I’ve ever done. And it will kill me.”

Hugging her to my chest, I kiss the top of her head. It’s like my fucking heart is being ripped out of my chest.

“Happy birthday, rain cloud.” Then his lips are on mine. They are so soft and warm, and I nearly melt from this unexpected moment. I feel his hands travel up my back until he's digging his fingers into my hair and tilting my head. His tongue slips through my lips, and I have no idea how I’m still alive because I swear, I haven’t taken a breath in minutes. As his tongue glides with mine, my legs start to tremble, but his hold on my hair keeps me upright.

"Can I take these off?" he whispers with his face in my neck and his fingers tugging on the fabric between him and my sex. "No," a deep voice barks from the doorway. Liam and I both flinch and turn toward the doorway. There in his gray sweats and white T-shirt, looking stern and angry as hell is Alexander-fucking-Caldwell.

“What are you doing?” I say, watching Liam run from my room like he expected a beating if he stayed another second. “Saving you from giving away your first time to a guy who doesn’t know the first thing about making you feel good.”

“I am a man, Sunny. And Liam is a nice guy, but I know what he’s thinking about you. I know that if you let him, he would shove his dick into you, but he wouldn’t know the first thing about giving you what you need.”

“Has anyone touched you here, Sunny?” he asks, his voice shaking. “No,” I cry, pleading with him to touch me. “Please,” I beg. “Please what?” he asks, looking into my eyes. “Please touch me,” I gasp, feeling so vulnerable.

“Because I want you to know how it’s supposed to feel when a man touches you.”

He nips at my jaw, slipping the fabric to the side and running his thumb from the sensitive nub at the top all the way along my slit to the very back.

Another finger perches along my entrance before slowly sliding. He keeps the pressure swirling around my clit, and my gasps in his ear are frantic. Every touch feels like an explosion.

“You’re so wet, rain cloud,” he groans, sliding his finger in and out. When he works in a second finger, I feel my body building toward something that threatens to shatter me.

He kneels between my legs, and his lips travel the same trail from my knees to my center. Hooking his fingers around my bikini bottoms, he pulls them down, letting them fall to the floor.

I cry out when his tongue runs from the bottom to the top. My feet lift off the floor, wrapping around him as the warmth of his tongue floods my senses. His mouth closes over the top of my mound, his tongue circling my clit, sending me flying.

Without letting up, he applies more pressure to my clit, driving his tongue in circles and sucking while his fingers do that magic, and from there it doesn’t take much more before my toes are curling, my thighs are squeezing around his body and my breathing stops. I feel this orgasm from the tips of my toes to the top of my head, buzzing through me like electricity.

What I did last night should have left me feeling like shit, but I was too busy reliving the way she panted and cried out my name while I was tongue-deep inside of her.

I would have given her a hundred last night if that one didn’t almost break me. I had to put her to bed just to keep myself from pulling down my pants and burying myself to the hilt.

No matter how much I keep trying to convince myself that my intentions were good, that I’m not a fucking creep who wanted to be the first tongue on that pussy, I still feel like one. Corrupting a sweet girl like Sunny because I didn’t want a fucktard like Liam to be the one to do it.

And of course, the other thing I can’t stop thinking about is that I want to be the first one to fuck her. Not because I have some fantasy about virgins but because I should be the first one.

“Come on, Lea,” I complain. “She’s just a kid.” “Just a kid?” she echoes, eyebrows up. “Alex, I’m having a hard time keeping my hands off that girl.”

“You’re a joke, Alex. Everyone knows you’re just putting a big ol’ bandaid over a gun wound, trying to pretend you can just buy a house and stop being such a loser. No one is rooting for you, Alex because no one fucking cares.”

Alex and I still swim together, grocery shop together, eat together—everything a couple would do—except for get naked and have sex. And for that reason, tensions are building.

“I would have fucked you in this pool at least a dozen times by now, Sunny.”

Oh babe, that's not good for her pH

“What else?” I breathe. With his breath against my cheek this time, he continues. “I would have filled every single one of these precious holes, Sunny. I would own them all.”

“What else?” I want this game to last forever. He grinds me roughly against the side of the pool. “I’d have you on your knees for me, Sunny. Hungry for my cock, every fucking day.” “Yeah,” I moan into his ear. “Jesus Christ,” he groans, grinding into me again.

“Don’t touch me, Alexander.” It comes out in a croak, and his hips drive harder against me as I say it. “Good girl.”

“Tell me not to make you come.” My chest deflates, and I want to ignore him. I know that if I don't say anything, he would grind his dick against me until I throbbed with pleasure. I can almost taste the orgasm. “You can’t make me come, Alex,” I whisper, feeling defeated, hanging on his shoulders, wishing I could take it all back.

I hate that the idea of being with me makes Alex feel like a monster. I wish that there wasn’t twenty years between us and that giving him every single part of me didn’t warp his self-image, but it does. And it always will.

“First rule of being a responsible adult, we don’t always get what we want.”

I notice movement across the street, a flash of light, but I don’t think anything of it. I just smile at him and jab him in the ribs like he always does to me.

There’s not much privacy in this neighborhood. I can see directly into his house from my room, so it’s easy to assume other people can see him jumping naked as a jay bird into his pool.

Once my face is submerged, I open my eyes and see him, the dark hair around his thick manhood, which looks a bit harder and longer than it should at a moment like this.