The Burnt Heart (Toxic Hearts Book 1)

by Mae Pierce

Jesse slammed his fist against the doorframe and shot Adelaide a disbelieving look. “You don’t mean that.” He stepped back toward her before I gripped the back of his jacket. “You wouldn’t.” “You’ll thank me when you meet the person who can give you what I can’t.” She sounded so lifeless that it made my heart break over again. How did we get here? There was no-one else for me. Adelaide was woven into my heart and soul deeper than any words could ever touch. I would make her see the truth of it somehow.

They saw me leaving as a betrayal. But I knew this was the right way. Nobody could bully Adelaide into anything, despite what Jesse might hope. She would not give in to persistent badgering and there were only so many times you could say sorry. Eventually, it was about words and actions. Briar couldn’t comprehend that this was part of my process. My heart pulled me to Adelaide, no matter how hard I tried to stay away. Every corner of the city was a reminder of her—I wanted her so badly that my skin ached. I had gone my entire life without allowing myself physical contact, but now all I could think about was holding her.

Jesse and Briar thought I was running away. In a small, dark place inside of me, I suppose I was. Part of me wanted to prove Adelaide wrong. To satisfy the wanderlust and come back to her. Always come back to her. If the cozy pictures online had any truth to them, she was already dating Ray Donato. When I saw his arm wrapped around her shoulders, my heart stopped. I couldn’t comprehend what I was seeing.

They looked so good together, a beautiful, perfect couple. I couldn’t stay in this city and see any more photos of her with him.

We were fools. Worse than fools. We were arrogant. It was our penance to shoulder the agony we were in right now. Destroying the heart of the person I cherished had gone beyond the fake break-up. We’d forgotten our anniversary and neglected her. It was unforgivable.

She’d insisted we were done, but I wasn’t about to let her slip away from me a second time. Two months we’d wait, give her space and let us re-group. Then we’d come at her with a vengeance. I knew what she was thinking, ever the strategist. She thought two months would be enough time for us to get used to life without her. To move on.

My heart was in Greenich Bay. Although she didn’t believe it anymore. But this was all a layover until I could hold her again.

Calder Place. I lay back against the trunk of our tree, below the carving of our initials. Wincing at the sharp twinge of pain in my chest. Soon this wouldn’t exist. Adelaide had pledged to destroy it, but in my feverish thoughts I held onto the hope that she would change her mind. From my bag, I pulled a glossy notebook and pen. The spine cracked as I opened it to the first blank page. I’d chosen it for the photo of a mountain on the front. I was looking up a steep rise of wrongs that I had to conquer. My fingers worried the edge of the blank page. The words I wanted to write bubbled to the surface.

Fixing the betrayal was one thing, but Nicole was another. The lies that she’d spewed had blindsided me. Now Adelaide believed I craved someone else.

All I wanted was her, but who was I? I had nothing to offer, worse I was tainted inside. But the way our lies had been dragged into the light had scarred me. I had to face my demons and admit out loud what I had never told another living soul. Adelaide had two months of space, and I had two months to sort my head out. I was going to write to her every day, to be honest in a way I had never been. This wasn’t a time for bravado. I had lost my girl.

I ran my fingers over the trunk of our tree, staring up at our carving. I fumbled with my phone, bringing it to my ear. “Sandy’s Tree Removal, how can I help?” “I need to speak to someone about a tree.” I inhaled a breath infused with determination.

Jonah grumbled to himself and marched back to the café. I trailed behind him, winding my fingers around my silver stud. “Let’s make a deal,” he tossed over his shoulder. “I’ll let you check on her, but if I see you, you’re gone. You try to get close, talk or grab at her, deal is off. Agreed?” He was tossing me a lifeline. One I didn’t deserve. My lungs flooded with sweet oxygen. Like I hadn’t taken a full breath since Adelaide had left. How far I’d fallen that even an unfettered glimpse of Adelaide was the highlight of my day. “Done. Deal,”

“Why’d you do it?” His gaze turned back to the blonde in the window, but his jaw was tight. “Ask your boss,” I sneered, veins hot with frustration. Logan wanted to tell Adelaide what had prompted us to take such rash action, but I refused. He wasn’t the one whose life had been threatened. Antoni was still sitting on the information he’d read in my letter. I didn’t have anything else to lose, but I didn’t want to bring innocent people into this mess.

I'd protected Briar, Logan and myself when we were younger, thrown my body on the line for them. But even honing my skills as a boxer hadn't allowed me to protect myself against the massive contingent of Orazio men.

“Bry?” Nicole materialized next to me like my filtered memories had conjured her. I didn’t react at first, not computing that my once friend could be here. My shock at seeing her wiped away the tremor of hearing her say my shortened name. She fidgeted with the cuff of her white button-up, her eyes wide with surprise. Oblivious to my mute silence. I hadn’t seen Nicole since the fateful night when everything had fallen into ruin. When she’d lied about me not wanting to be with Adelaide anymore. Her betrayal stung so sharply, especially with the pieces of my life falling in shards around me. I had blocked her immediately, unable to reconcile the mixture of guilt and anger.

“I’ve missed you so much. One mistake and I lost my best friend. I know Adelaide has never liked me. I never thought you would let her jealousy of our friendship influence you. But you just cut me off, like I was nothing. You didn’t even give me a chance to explain.” She choked a little, taking a sip of her drink. My ears rang, and I couldn’t look away from her wounded expression. I had Logan, Jesse, and Adelaide, but Nicole didn’t have anyone but me. She’d always struggled to make friends, and even in the years we spent apart, it appeared her life had only grown lonelier. She considered me her best friend, and I’d treated her like trash. Her confessions confused me. If she had seen Donato, it made everything else seem logical. I was beyond confused by Nicole’s confession. It was my actions that compounded the pain. She’d parroted words I had confessed to her. I wavered slightly.

I’m glad we talked, and you told your side of the story, but I can’t be your friend anymore. Adelaide is my priority, and I have to show I’m listening to her.” Nicole cocked her head with a slight furrow on her brow. “I think it’s sad that you would allow her to influence you to cut off people who have been in your life for years. Who love and support you.” I refrained from reminding Nicole that we hadn’t been in each other’s lives for many years. It didn’t make a difference. We had a history together and her perception of it was different to mine. I was her friend. She had been my shield. My stomach turned over violently, a wave of dizziness crashing over me.

“Tell me one thing you like about her, apart from her gorgeous looks,” I vetted, taking another sip of my water. Ray had ceased his blatant hook ups, or at least was incredibly discreet. “She’s funny. She’s snappy,” Ray sighed with a distinctly lovesick tone. “She won’t give me an inch and it’s getting under my skin. I could have anyone I want, and yet she won’t even let me take her out.” “You can’t have me,” I reminded him with a smirk, and he rolled his eyes. “Why do I spend so much time with the only two women who rebuff me so boldly?” he grumbled, taking a sip of his drink.

“Do you ever wonder if this is all worth it?” Ray sighed. I frowned at him, not comprehending his meaning. Was he questioning his role as heir? It was something I had never done. In my veins was an undeniable need for power. I wasn’t afraid to admit it. This was the only choice I had, but it was one I would choose myself. Ray shook his head and tossed back some of his wine.

What about Logan and Briar? I looked over his shoulder and couldn’t see them. Jesse’s eyes shuttered. “Logan is on his way back, princess. He couldn’t stay in Greenich Bay and not break the space you wanted. He sends you photos of all the places he’d like to visit with us. If you’d unblock him, you’d know that. He had to leave the city outright because being this close to you and not able to be with you was too much to bear. Briar can barely function. He’s down to monosyllables. And me? I’m angry, so damn angry. At myself and for this time we’re losing with each other. Because I know that eventually we’ll be together again, all of us. I won’t stop until I make it happen. But I can’t take it anymore. I can’t breathe without you. Tell me what I need to do, and I will do it.”

I hurt you,” his voice dropped to a whisper. “I regret what we did more than anything, and I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Let me heal the pain I caused you. There is more to this story, and you deserve the truth. We can fix this if you give us another chance.” “You can’t heal someone when you were the one who broke them.” I swallowed, wanting him to go, but knowing if I said anything more, he’d just dig his heels in harder.

Without meaning to, I brushed a kiss on Jesse’s head. A habit ingrained over the years. Offering comfort to a man I had thought part of my forever. “Does taking a bullet for you get me any brownie points?” he gasped, his lips ashen and trembling. “Shut up,” I ordered. But I let myself hold him a little tighter. My panic was easier to wrangle with his solid body pressed up against mine. He let out a soft laugh, wheezing as it moved his arm. I looked into his eyes, so close after being separated for so long. Pain burned deep in their light brown depths. I held his gaze, silently offering my support until his eyelids drooped and he went limp in my arms. I swallowed a sob.

“It’s only a graze, he’ll be alright, Adelaide. We’ve survived plenty worse, haven’t we?” He joked. Jesse’s weight on me was suddenly oppressive. I had my hand pressed against his wound out of kindness, not because of lingering feelings. “This means nothing,” I asserted firmly. Ray’s eyebrows inched up as if he didn’t believe me, but he wisely kept his mouth shut.

“What does it look like I’m doing, Bry?” I flinched at the nickname. “We’ve been doing this dance for years. All those days we spent together at the foster home. You could have gone to your friends, but you chose me. I could read between the lines. If it wasn’t for Adelaide, we would have been together long ago, me, you and…what are you waiting for?” “No, no, no,” I chanted, tugging on my curls. I must be the stupidest person alive. “We were just friends,” I insisted, and Nicole tilted her head with a determined frown. She propped herself on the bed and I turned to grip the door frame, my knees sagging. Oh god. There was a half-naked girl in my room. How could I get her out? I needed to stop this. It was a nightmare of my creation and idiocy.

What happened to me? What did she know? “Oh my god, Bry,” Nicole gasped, rushing to put her hand on my shoulder. I flinched away, retching again. “If you knew what happened to me, you would know why I hate that name. Don’t touch me.” I wrenched my body away from her trembling grasp, holding my hand up as she crouched in front of me.

“You needed time to process him choosing you. I was there through everything,” her voice was soft. “Tell me it didn’t mean anything, you turning to me while you were confused.” Her words violently wrenched open the protective shield to my heart. Nausea blurred my vision, and I clung to the toilet bowl. My skin prickled with heat. What did Nicole know about what had happened to me? Her following comment cut through the desperate, clawing fear.

Logan’s lip curled back, and he glared. “There was always something off about you. But I tolerated your friendship for Briar’s sake, because he saw something in you. But I love being proved right.” Nicole flicked him a blistering look before storming back down the hall. Logan pried his shirt out of my iron grip and glared at me. “I can’t wait for you to explain the clusterfuck I just walked into, but we need to get to the hospital.” I froze, my feet cemented to the ground. The sick feeling rushed back, my stomach turning.

“Are you alright, Adelaide?” I asked instead, focusing on her. She looked worn. Her hair was mussed like she’d used her hands to scrape it back. “Of course, do I not look it?” she sniffed, and I couldn’t stop the wide smile that crept over my face at her snark. “You always look beautiful, but that wasn’t what I was referring to. Somebody tried to shoot you, that would rattle anybody.” A slight flush rose on the apples of her cheeks, and I bit my tongue to stop triumphant glee showing on my face. Not once. Not in two months had she blushed like that for fucking Taillight Ray. He might be suave, handsome and understand her world. But she wasn’t into him. She might hate me, but she was here, had been here for a long time by the state of her and I still affected her. Relief made my muscles weak.

“Look at me,” my voice was low and guttural. Her eyes glittered like hard emeralds as she slid her gaze over obediently. “I would have taken that bullet to the heart to save you. You don’t consider me a part of your life, but princess, I will earn my way back.” The material of the armchair groaned under the sharp pressure of her curled fingers. Her eyes scrunched closed, and I watched her smooth out the lines in her forehead. She flexed her hand. An innocuous movement to some, but I knew Adelaide. I knew the dark places her mind took her to sometimes. “Are you having thoughts again?” I asked. “It’s none of your business,” she snapped, curling into a ball on the chair.

My stomach dropped at the thought of Adelaide suffering like she used to. With none of us there to anchor her. She would never accept my help, not in the place we were in now. My girl was proud, and she didn’t need us. I’d always known it was us who needed her more. Adelaide sighed heavily. Silence fell over us like an oppressive veil and I waited for her to get up and leave. But she didn’t.

Adelaide’s hand pressed to her stomach. And I know she was thinking when her chance to be a mother was stolen from her. “You should. At least one meeting,” Adelaide urged, giving me a brittle smile. “Would you come with me, maybe? I’d love for her to meet my soulmate,” I grinned. Adelaide made a disgruntled noise, folding out of the chair. “Ex-girlfriend. You can explain to her why you broke up with me.” She crossed her arms in front of her chest. I loved the flush of red that filled her cheeks. There were so many reasons we had broken Adelaide’s heart. I wanted to tell her the full truth, but the enormity of it caught in my throat.

Was this the start of a new torture? Jesse had mentioned that two months were up, and he was coming for me. When I’d tossed out the date, it had been out of desperation. My thick walls had been crumbling, and I needed space before I fell apart. I knew they wouldn’t leave until I gave them something. But I hadn’t expected them to wait. I thought they would get used to life without me and realize they were better off.

Jesse’s nose had been swollen and his eyes blackened like a panda. He’d laughed it off, and I’d nursed him with tender devotion, my chest aching after seeing one of my guys hurting. It had been the moment I’d known I was falling in love with them all. Danger was a part of my life, and for the first time it had occurred to me it could touch them. Never had I suspected that it was already dogging their steps.

“Remember when Jesse was mugged?” Logan’s gaze was intense. A gasp strangled in my throat, and I massaged the tight column. “I remember. But you’re not saying...” I shook my head, unwilling to believe my father could do this. “We didn’t want to be a burden on you. People already talked about always needing our woman to sweep in and save us. It would have only exacerbated things.” “I would have listened,” I protested, lurching forward in frustration. But my thoughts curdled. What would I have done if they told me? Logan shook his head with a bitter smile. He could tell how the news disturbed me. How confused I was.

“All we ever wanted was a future with you. This gym became our way to get it. Your father would see we were successful in our own right. And yes, we were desperate and stupid, but the beatings never stopped, they only escalated. So, we kept secrets, we let fear drive us.” “You could have told me.” The words were a hoarse whisper. Briar whimpered next to me, like he could feel the pain tearing me apart. I got my answer, but it hadn’t made anything better. It was sinking me deeper into agony.

“You’re right, we should have let you take care of it, like you always do. We should have let you protect and coddle us while your men snicker behind your back. Pride is a mighty armor for those who have nothing. We were trying to break the cycle. To prove we could be your equal. Instead, we got played.” Logan slumped onto the couch, pinching his nose. My fingers itched with the need to refute him. I’d never seen them as anything but my equals. But I realized not everything was as I believed. If I’d let them be a part of my life fully, this would never have happened a part of me whispered with a spitefu...

Briar who was staring up at me with an expression of such contentment. I wish I could feel the same way, but being this close to him was torture for me. The hurt was ever present. It made all the sweetness of his touch sour. But I couldn’t look away from his face. They’d been hurt because of me. I’d tried so hard to keep my world from brushing against them, but it hadn’t helped. Another thought popped into my mind, one that had shaken me ever since I saw him and Nicole at the bar. In the light of everything that had been admitted, it seemed miniscule. But I needed to know. “Did you ever cheat on me?” I broke the silence. “Never,” Briar hissed,

“Tell her about the letters,” Logan urged, and Briar blinked before looking down at the exercise book. “We’ve all been respecting your wish for space, waiting for it to be over. Briar is a complete idiot, but he’s your idiot. Read these letters before he tells you anything else.” I held the book gingerly, putting it to one side with a look of suspicion. A wave of exhaustion crashed over me. I didn’t have the capacity to delve into any heavier confessions of an ex-boyfriend, even though the journal called to me. “Please read it. In your own time, of course. It won’t make up for what I did, but I hope it will give you answers to questions you have,” Briar whispered.

“We miss you, siren,” Logan sighed from across the room. I bit back the words that rose in me. Weak hearts could be hardened. I might have missed them too, but I wasn’t about to admit it. His beard twitched as a slight smile crossed his face. “You know, yours is the only touch I can handle. Being shot and drugged is out. Any suggestions? What would pull on your heartstrings the most?” he teased. I let out a half laugh, half sob, shaking my head. “I hate that this is how we ended,” I admitted, my walls turning brittle under the pressure. “This isn’t the end, siren, I refuse to let it be,” he promised. The humor in his expression was replaced with intensity.

“What changed?” I asked, needing to know. “You were too afraid to tell me before, so much so that you made a deal with my family’s rival. Why are you so willing to fight for me now?” “We were afraid if we told you, you might not believe us. Or worse, agree. Stupid us believed we could do it all on our own. But we ruined everything any way. Now we have nothing to lose. Siren,” Logan demanded, and I narrowed my eyes. “I’m yours, body, soul, heart. If it takes the rest of my life, I’ll prove it to you. Nothing is worth losing you.”

Lara was currently holed up in her room, eyes red-rimmed from more than just the macabre package left on her doorstep. She couldn’t move fast enough when I confirmed Ray was on his way over. I needed time to dig deeper into that. When my life stopped being threatened, I suppose. “Do you want me to check on her?” Jonah muttered in my ear. I gave him a narrow-eyed look, but he gave me nothing. “What’s with the interest in Lara suddenly?” I replied. His cheeks dusted a light pink and his jaw tightened, but he didn’t give me an answer. “Fine, check on Lara, but don’t push her.” Ray watched him go with stiff, blatant jealousy.

“How is Lara?” I slumped over the kitchen bench, giving up any pretense of control. I needed to be in bed hours ago. “Do you remember what I told you at dinner?” I blew out a sigh. “This is different.” His jaw clenched. “I don’t know anything except she seemed upset. But Lara will fill me in, so be prepared for me to ruin you.” I stared him down until he looked away, cursing under his breath. “It’s complicated.” “Neutering a man is also complicated, but I’m sure I can work it out,” I promised Ray, and he paled. “What could have changed in a few hours? You were begging me for information at dinner.” He didn’t reply, and my father squeezed my shoulder.

“Did you ever beat Briar, Logan, or Jesse up for being with me?” I blurted out. His thick eyebrows bunched together. The clock on my microwave flashed out of the corner of my eye. It was set to the wrong time, static since a power outage. That was how I felt, in a state of limbo. My heart was on ice, but every breath sent waves of sadness crashing through me. “Oh honey, I did what I thought was best. It was when you had first confessed it to me and I admit I didn’t react well. They didn’t listen, obviously. But I wasn’t about to let three upstarts stroll in and take advantage of your wealth and position. I needed to know if what they felt was real or if it was a scam. I won’t apologize for that.” My stomach dropped to the floor, my hands coming out to steady me. It was true?

“I gave them all a solid beating six years ago when it first became clear my only daughter was sneaking around with not one, but three unsuitable matches. They took it well and stuck around, which I give them credit for. Do I like them? Not particularly. You’re a woman in a man’s world, Adelaide. Your grandmother and your mom struggled to find their place, and they weren’t expected to take the reins. It’s your life, but for the men who follow you? It’s hard to swallow that their queen has three guys in her bed and not one of them can even shoot a gun.”

I had fallen for my guys from the first time we met, lost in the bubble of Calder Place. My father gave me a pitying look, reaching out to cover my hand. “If that’s true, why do you care if I threatened them?

My father pulled me into a crushing embrace. His hands stroked my hair, and it made me feel like a little girl again. When his arms were the shield that protected me from the world. Now the only protection I had was myself, and it was lonely and heavy tonight.

Six years I had tried too hard to keep my world from touching Jesse, Briar and Logan. A knot filled my throat. I didn’t want this life to taint them. It was harsh, dangerous and cruel. Scenarios raced in, crowding my weakened mind.

“When I couldn’t get a hold of Ray, I was worried, so I called his papa. He outright accused me of trying to steal Ray away from you. He said I would never be good enough for his son and that you and he would announce an engagement soon.” She sniffled. “I don’t know when I fell for Ray. But he wouldn’t even pick up my calls. He sent me a text saying I shouldn’t have called his papa because he didn’t owe me anything.”

I couldn’t call them. Even though every part of me wanted to. Not one of them told me to get over it, to just try harder. They understood how hard it was for me. They all suffered in their own way, Jesse his need to protect at the expense of his safety, Logan being touched, and Briar trusting himself. But I didn’t need them. I’d managed before I met them, and I would manage now.

“W-w-we didn’t realize anything was amiss until you came, Miss Orazio. Security said they’d alerted you last night and didn’t hear anything. They had the proper paperwork, so I figured it had been arranged in advance. It was getting demolished today. Honestly, it saved us a ton of time. What’s the big deal?” “The big deal?” My voice cracked like a whip and the site supervisor flinched. He scratched at his thick beard. “Someone accessed this site and took something that belongs to me. Not just anything, but a whole. Damn. Tree. Nobody heard or saw a thing? Get me footage and talk to Jonah about hiring more security. This project is not to be tampered with. Do you understand?”