There Is No Ethan: How Three Women Caught America's Biggest Catfish

by Anna Akbari

“It’s not a big deal. Just have swallowing issues (I hope you don’t share them) and they’re trying to rule out esophageal cancer.”

Lord run!

I think I like fighting with you, because you’re all the sweeter afterwards.

Ugh

“You need a simpler woman. A ‘plate filler,’” I retorted. “Any other tests you’d like me to fail this evening?”

What he needs is to get his lazy *ss to the table and fill his own stupid plate. This convo would have been my last.

I couldn’t say if my need to meet the “real” Ethan was motivated more by some lingering hope that he was the man he’d presented himself to be

An *sshole by all accounts?

“Anna, fuck you. Have a good night. Thanks for being so supportive. You broke my heart with the way you dealt with this situation. I can’t forgive you for that.”

Ok. Why didn't she end it here? Real or not he's a selfish *ss hellbent on making her feel like trash.

I’d found the secret formula for managing Ethan: dating other people.

Dont be with someone you have to manage. She seems a bit manipulative herself at this point.

might be yet another way to solidify the relationship and make it just a little more real (and a little more justifiable).

She said the spell was broken but now she hopes to SOLIDIFY the RELATIONSHIP? Unhinged.

“I don’t respond well to ultimatums,”

Few people do. And if you feel you need to issue ultimatums, the relationship may already be unsalvageable. Given the low stakes of an online-only “relationship,” why even bother?

move forward with him with no more secrets or lies.

Right! Because a liar forced to reveal a truth will never lie again, lol.

PowerPoint presentation on financial modeling that he did for Morgan Stanley (complete with a Morgan Stanley logo on each slide): “Ethan Schuman, PhD; VP, Research and Development, Morgan Stanley.”

And this couldn’t be easily superimposed on someone else’s Powerpoint presentation? Do these “brilliant Ivy educated professionals” have no clue that PowerPoint is infinitely editable?

She’d gotten pregnant while they were dating, and that prompted them to marry quickly. Nonetheless, he encouraged her to get an abortion—he knew he didn’t want to have a child with her, and,

This is nonsense! Nobody would hastily marry due to pregnancy then insist on an abortion. For the hundredth time, quit claiming these women are smart. I’ve met gaggles of geese with more on the ball.

she was desperate to get to the bottom of her mounting questions and suspicions.

You’re already at the bottom, sweetie. What you’re doing now is called DENIAL.

“You always had the option of leaving,” Emily replied dryly.

That's what I’ve been thinking this whole story. It was obvious Ethan was full of crap and treated them all so terribly—whether he was real is beside the point. The point being, don't be a doormat then complain when your absentee "boyfriend" wipes his muddy boots on you. Victims are never to blame, but at no point were these gals prevented from just not logging on for more abuse. It honestly makes me angry that their online foolishness is being equated with actual IRL domestic abuse as in situations women can’t safely leave.

“This whole shite has made me feel like a child feels when they have an abusive parent.

Except quite unlike educated, independent, adult, career women, children have to live with their parents and have no option to break up with them or leave. So though you may “feel” that way but it’s really not that way at all.

“The ‘funny’ part is that at this point I have more of a legal complaint against them than they have against me.”

That makes sense--threats, bribes and coercion are illegal while cosplaying a douche bag boyfriend is not.

He knew people could be inclined to victim-blame and wonder why they didn’t know better.

Uhh… yeah. But here’s the thing about victim blaming: first, you need an actual victim.