There Is No Ethan: How Three Women Caught America's Biggest Catfish

by Anna Akbari

Changing how and what we present can alter the reality of our lives and our connections.

“The true identity is constantly unveiling itself, but it’s also constantly creating itself.”

He knocked me down, only to create an opportunity for him to pick up the pieces. It felt icky. The emotional drama was taking a toll.

JUST CHILL UNTIL FRIDAY.

Oh Hail No

Instead of focusing on his bad behavior or unverifiable claims, I obsessed over my own lovability.

Ethan’s ability to pivot from hot to cold in an instant was chipping away at my sanity and my ability to emotionally self-regulate.

That normally would have been her cue to walk away and never look back, but Ethan was skilled at pressing just the right buttons and displaying the perfect amount of vulnerability to somehow stop otherwise rational people from behaving normally. His masterful cunning, combined with the intensity of their emotional connection, heightened by months of anticipation, allowed her to show him unprecedented levels of understanding and empathy, and to continue talking to him, instead of writing him off.

When Anna made one of her many unsuccessful attempts to call Ethan, Riva picked up the phone.

That was what Ethan’s brand of psychological abuse did to her: It slowly, gradually deteriorated her to a point where she found herself accepting things that would’ve seemed unthinkable a year prior. Before meeting Ethan, she was practical and calm. But Ethan plucked away her sanity, one thread at a time, weaving in enough humiliating incidents that she couldn’t fathom sharing any of it with another person. He was her secret, her abuser, and her confidant, all at once.

You won’t have to piece things together or do detective work,” he assured her.

Ha!

Ethan Schuman was a woman.

Ethan had told her tales of the wild sexual romp he’d taken through New York City with me. (I am so sorry I missed it!)

Lol

It’s generally not a good idea to tell a woman you’ve pissed off to just “relax.” That was especially true in this instance.

Or rather, I miss what he was like with you.”

She’s still doing it

Emily worried that she would be deemed psychologically unfit to get a job as a result of us contacting her school. (This, of course, was why we had contacted her school in the first place—to ensure that assessment was done properly using all available data points.)

“I think sanity is overrated,” Emily told her. “Take it from me, insanity is a lot more interesting. I could have chosen the sane route and just been Emily in Emilyworld. But insanity was a lot more fun.”

The universe was not in Ethan’s corner.

Every master predator knows their victims’ weak spots, and who better understands the profound need for emotional connection than another professional woman? Emily brokered in connection—or the illusion of it. She embraced language as her weapon of choice, persuading and emotionally manipulating women with attention, affection, and the promise of love and companionship because the thing many women, especially high-achieving women, lack most in this digital age—far more than access to money or sex—is meaningful romantic companionship.