How to Age Disgracefully

by Clare Pooley

Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day. Dylan Thomas

When you know more about someone than they know about you, it puts you in control. And it makes you safe.

Yet, here she was, utterly alone, stalking her neighbors and talking to her plants. Except for the yucca, which she’d never entirely trusted.

It was probably when she’d loved Jack the most, those long evenings when she would toss him an idea and he’d catch it, reshape it slightly, and throw it back, the to-and-fro volley continuing until they’d created something spectacular together.

She’d spent most of her life distrusting people, assuming that everyone must have some kind of ulterior motive for every decision they made. After all, she usually did. However, she imagined that in order to make friends, you probably had to show them some level of trust. Give them the benefit of the doubt, and not threaten to have them arrested.

“Well, at least it didn’t affect the nursery. I mean, those relics must be on their way out, in any case.” “That’s really not appropriate, Ziggy. Every life is precious,” said Janine, giving him the same hard stare that she used on the toddlers before sending them to the naughty step.

just as she’d started to contemplate stabbing her own hand with a cake fork to ease the burden, a riveting and entirely unexpected death! For a while, it had felt just like the old days!

For the first time in decades, Daphne felt the thrill of being on the inside looking out, rather than on the outside looking in. She had been there, in the room where it had happened.

salutary

Perhaps, given her new circumstances, it wasn’t too late to change the ending to her story. Was it possible that she could share what was left of her life with someone else? Maybe find a man with perfect manners, the ability to follow instructions, and most of his own teeth? She had always made her gums a priority and had no intention of settling for someone who’d been lackadaisical with theirs.

This was what happened when you started letting people in, and letting parts of yourself out. It hurt. Like the nerves of a limb coming back to life after a near brush with frostbite.

How could you create a future when you had no present you enjoyed and no past you would admit to?

“Where’s the fun in aging gracefully?” said Daphne. “Personally, I intend to age as disgracefully as possible.”