How to Age Disgracefully

by Clare Pooley

Lydia helped herself to another celebratory slice of cake. Maybe it would help plump out some of her wrinkles. Like a cosmetic filler, but more tasty.

“It’s not a lie, dear boy,” said William. “We’re not going to say Kylie’s related to Daphne. Photos don’t actually lie; they just encourage people to see their own version of the truth.

And if he did ever have sex in the future, he was wearing a full-body condom. He’d make damned sure none of those suckers ever got loose again.

“You mean a dick pic, I think,” said Ziggy. “Well, whatever you choose to call it, it looked like the scrawny neck of the last turkey in the chiller cabinet. I can’t imagine why he thought that would help his cause.

“Well, then, you’ll know what Michelle says about what to do when ‘they go low’?” said Daphne. Lydia nodded. “When they go low…we get revenge,” said Daphne, with a flourish. Lydia frowned. “I don’t think that’s what she said at all, Daphne,” she said. “In fact, I know it’s not.” “Well, she should have done,” said Daphne. “See, not even Michelle Obama is infallible.