How to Age Disgracefully

by Clare Pooley

She’d considered trying to make amends, but she didn’t want to reveal any form of weakness in front of this group of strangers.

She felt a frisson of excitement, remembering how much she enjoyed commanding the attention of a room, especially one filled with people who’d made the mistake of underestimating her.

I just don’t know what to think anymore. I still don’t trust him, but now I can’t trust myself, either,”

Would she have made a good mother? She’d always assumed not, on account of being way too selfish and—of course—her demanding career, but perhaps she’d been wrong. Maybe having a baby would have changed all that. Changed her.

“The problem as I see it, Lydia,” continued Daphne, more gently, “is that you don’t actually like yourself. You’ve spent so long worrying about everyone else that you’ve completely lost sight of who you are and what you need. Am I right?”

It was the first time another mouth had touched hers since Jack’s, and she found she liked it. Or, at least, didn’t dislike it.

“For goodness’ sake, pull yourself together,” said Daphne. “Women in Dior never cry in public. Or at all. The only emotion they show is disdain, with a touch of boredom.”

Good grief. How on earth had all these people managed up until now without her? And how had she turned into the sort of woman one called in an emergency?

“Can you help?” she’d asked him. “Of course! I’ll rally the friends of Bill. The opposite of addiction is connection!” he’d replied, smothering her in a bear hug. Lydia was getting a little fed up with people talking in riddles. Who on earth was Bill, and was he coming to help, too?

“You’re too old, for starters. I only date toy boys,” said Daphne. “You’re badly dressed, probably insolvent, and you have dubious personal hygiene.” “You haven’t mentioned the stealing, the deception, and my recent near-arrest,” said Art. “No. Those are the things I like about you,” said Daphne.

“Well, I thought he was just a businessman. A club owner, and import/export,” said Daphne. “Needless to say, it was all a bit more complicated than that. I must have been terribly naive, or maybe just deliberately looking the wrong way. By the time I found out the extent of Jack’s operations, we were married, and I was so firmly entangled that I couldn’t see how I could get out.”

For the first time since the early days of her marriage, Lydia had started to really like herself.