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What if I had discovered what had happened and reacted in the exact opposite manner?
people are simply going to find the situation funny no matter what?
The guy who bought the first robot capable of love and handed it back. The guy who came across the greatest discovery in the history of science—and returned it, because his sex robot was crying.
I went, if I am being honest, because it sounded like a relief to spend some time with someone who still thought of me as a person to love.
After you got over the surprise that you didn’t get what you wanted, why didn’t you want what you got?
“Is it just that everything came too easy? Because if you’re romanticizing ‘difficult’
There’s always going to be one more thing. Because that’s what infinite feels like. And the difference between love and everything else is that it’s infinite,
I’m a robot! If I can feel this, you can feel this!
I told her what people tell people. That this was what it felt like when love was taken away—but that it wasn’t the truth, it was just a feeling. It would pass. It would take time. She would recharge.
and she says one more thing.
Poverty in Africa—I have a feeling your charity is going to be around for quite a while,
Dr. de Klerk, you’ve somehow accomplished the impossible: you’ve made more black men happy than Lisa Lampanelli.
President Mandela, every time Charlie Sheen bangs some hooker on his kitchen counter, you are a small but important part of why it looks so goddamn disgusting.
shouldn’t you be sharing your Nobel Peace Prize with this chick who was so hideous that she caused you to jump on a train for a thousand miles to avoid banging her?
Ross. As the room hovers on the edge of total emotional collapse, Mandela starts to laugh.
Oh, my … the looks on your faces as Nelson Mandela told you that your lives were worthless? That your existence was a waste of the privilege of freedom?!
I came up with this idea all the way back on Day After Day After Very Cloudy Day.
One thousand days a year, divided into 25 months, 40 days a month. Why didn’t anyone think of this before?
(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Another small fuck-up: I put an extra r in all the copies I handed out of the calendar, so it said “FebRuary,” even though I already told everyone the next month coming was called “FebUary.”
There’s this new type of berry that looks soooo good, but somebody told me it’s poison. Oh well.
I guess that’s good, when your invention takes on a life you never expected.
Stonk
November 6th—Things with Jane getting better. I think we’re going to work this out. I love Jane. That’s all that matters. November 11th—They sacrificed Jane today. Really happy for the Sun God.
“Oh, really? I invented that for girls.” What a dick.
The one nice thing is seeing how I used to be so worked up about Alice, and now I realize I really don’t care at all anymore.
Woke up at sun-past-mountain
“Oh, I don’t want you to use the word ‘nigger’ less,” said the teacher. “I want you to use it more!”
And the controversy over this word has escalated each year for as long as we’ve been alive—yet the number of times this word appears has not kept pace with the controversy!
these teachers who had just moments earlier confessed to them that as they remembered it, the use of this word in this book wasn’t that big a deal? And, of course, the students will sense their teachers are off-balance—as students always have the uncanny ability to do—and will instinctively take that as their cue to lead the conversation—a conversation which rightfully belongs to them, wouldn’t you say?”
She loved him, but she never quite got over the suspicion that she was just his favorite thing in the bookstore.
“When you look back at the end, and you see all the people way back at the beginning, looking so small and everything, about to go on those same loops you just went on? That’s really cool. You forget that when you were on that part of the ride, you were actually throwing up all over the place.”
‘This should be moving a lot faster,’ ” said 11. “But then at the end I realized, ‘Wow, I can’t believe how fast that was!’
“I thought about jumping off when it got scary,”
“It’s going to end soon enough anyway. Why not just try to enjoy it?”
“What about the other people in the car with you?”
when the fear of what was about to happen was inseparable from the wonder of what would come next.
But his dream was dead now, murdered by idiot whims, and there was nothing he could do about it anymore. Oh well, thought Christo. That’s life.
The sensation of seeing and reseeing that wrist snap was something he couldn’t make sense of, something that would be best described by words he didn’t know yet: surreal, pornographic.
some offbeat calm about this presentation of a paradoxical idea, the promise of a possibility that couldn’t possibly be kept.
I am the boy in the story, and this is the story of how I found out my father was not my father.
“But everything that would follow would be based on breaking that rule,” said my father. “So any change in our lives—and there would be a great many—would be following from a corrupt core, from a foundation of values we didn’t believe in.
I didn’t play soccer or eat pizza, but I accepted this story unedited, and so did my mother when I got home from school that afternoon.
because she hated anything that had to do with money.
is love such a strong force that it needs to be obeyed by the people who lie outside it?
We can’t see and understand all the causes behind everything, but I think it’s more magical to accept that they’re there than it is to believe that they’re not,
He did it because it made him feel like he was eating his meals with more people.
“I want closure.” “There’s no such thing as closure.”
All the times you made me feel like your backup choice when it would have been so simple to just tell me I looked beautiful;
newspapers that contradicted other newspapers.
