Soledad: A Novel

by Angie Cruz

Deep inside I want to tell Isabel the truth, so she can stop wasting her time with him. But it’s part of a family code to protect each other, even if it feels wrong. When I can’t hear Isabel any longer, I hang up and feel terrible about it. There should be a rule. Women should tell women when men are betraying them. I dream for that kind of sisterhood. But in the real world women believe what they want to believe. Even if I told Isabel what Victor was up to, she would only hate me because it just makes her look like a fool for loving him. She might even be the kind of woman that thinks she can change players like Victor.

Problems among women with protecting each other while upholding family loyalty and risking rejection for trying to help

Lately, she’s so busy trying to take care of everybody that she never seems to have time to stop and think about how different things are. These days my grandmother’s house has a blanket of quietness lying over it that doesn’t seem right. I imagine my grandmother feeling lonely. Summers before this I can’t remember a Sunday when the house wasn’t filled with vecinos and Gorda would have the merengue blasting on one side of the apartment and Victor had his game on TV on the other. The times when my grandfather could actually keep my grandmother company. But now people walk in as if they’re afraid the walls will collapse if they breathe too deeply. Even I feel like whispering.

Grandmother matriarchs and the passage of time

That might require a trip to Dominican Republic. Or maybe a weekend trip to the Hamptons. That’s what they do at the art gallery, they all go out to their houses in the Hamptons.

Dreams of Hampton Beach vs DR

Mofongo is good because men like meat in everything, but do it only sometimes, not always, because then they get used to it.

Reference to men's tastes and how women can control it

My grandmother says the secret to keeping a man interested is never letting him know who a woman really is, what she’s capable of. But I want a man to know who I am, love me for everything I think about and desire.

Lesson in relationships

trying to imagine herself walking down the famous New York streets that were supposed to be lined with gold, and the buildings so tall they touched the clouds.

Images of NYC

I like the overpriced cafés. Even if that means I have to skip dinner to afford it. When I’m sitting on one of those tall bar stools facing the window, watching people walk by, sipping my foamy milk, sprinkled with cinnamon, among other university students, I feel like I’ve arrived.

Trying to fit in

And for you, cute means white. Enough said.

Attraction to race

I want to find a mountain that I can sit on that will never change or move. That I can always come back to. I want that in a man, in my family, in my home. I’m tired of the unpredictable. If only one day I could go home and find my mother exactly the way I left her. If I could ever have a home where there are no surprises, nothing breaks, everyone is happy, living normal lives.

Need for stability which she finds in art, at the art gallery, in the lower part of Manahttan

They like to see me sick. That’s when they pray for me, take care of me, give me things. They like to be scared of what I’m about to do next. That’s when they damn all those that have hurt me in my past. Soledad would have never made the time to see me otherwise. But now she comes to me. Now she finds compassion.

Finally noticed

We’ve never talked about sex, or anything related to sex. Our sex conversation went something like . . . men only want one thing and if I know what’s good for me I better not give up that thing or else my life is ruined.

Sexual education non existent

like them spicy, just like my mother. And that makes you proud. Ever since I can remember I try to dislike everything my mother likes. She likes ketchup on her fries, I eat them with mustard. She orders scrambled eggs, I have them over easy. I’m not even sure if what I don’t like is because I really don’t like it or because I’m just reacting to my mother liking it.

Different mother-daughter relationship

Soledad, our mamás are our mamás. You know what I mean? It’s a life law. We must honor our mother, our great-grandmothers, no matter what. It’s all one big cycle of events.

Despite what my family might think about someone like Caramel, I wish I grow up to be like her. With so much strength, comfortable in her own skin, not caring what anyone thinks.

Admiration for another woman and the sense of confidence and belonging Soledad lacks

The dark wood is carved in curlicues and flowers. I’ve never noticed the frame. I think people who notice the frames see the borders to things.

Mention understanding of borders

No, you didn’t see the possibilities because you noticed the frame, where it all ends. The possibilities, I whisper, and think that maybe she could’ve been posing because she knew she was about to die. A photograph to leave behind. Or maybe like her mother made her do it, she was posing to send a picture back to the family.

She created a border by noticing the frame

watches it with foggy eyes and just when Flaca’s about to fall asleep, Gorda stands by the door like a lion tamer holding the belt from the buckle. Soledad is still awake reading. Flaca starts to cry before her mother even walks over to her. Gorda rips the sheets off her and beats Flaca’s legs, not saying anything except Ay Dios perdóname. Gorda, that’s enough, Soledad begs her to stop. Flaca can’t believe her cousin’s defending her. Gorda beats her with the belt and then with her fist. It’s the first time Gorda ever put a hand on Flaca.

Physical abuse. Protection or lack of control as a female

They had a special on women who sleep through depression. They want to die, they said, but they don’t have the courage to go that far. They said depression is anger turned inward. And come to think of it, Gorda has not seen Olivia show anger. She always holds it in, stuffing it inside to the deepest corners.

Mention of depression in popular shows

When Manolo is drunk he says he loves me. Do you think he knows how to love? Look at this. You can touch it, it doesn’t hurt as much anymore. That’s how much Manolo loves me, so I won’t forget, he leaves me marked. It don’t matter what I’ve done, I don’t deserve this.

Physical abuse

She thinks about the ways she has been forced to become stronger as her husband has gotten weaker. When he couldn’t walk any more, she had to do his errands, learn to pay the bills, buy the groceries. When he couldn’t put himself into his wheelchair, she had to find the strength to carry him. And when he would beg her for a cigarette, or a shot of whiskey, she learned to say no to him.

Role reversal of husband and wife

she was afraid he might become violent or leave her for good

woman's fear, violence or dessertion

Doña Sosa imagines Ciego’s wife sitting outside under a veranda, rocking herself on a nice wooden chair, being served her lunch and a cold beer, forgetting the burdens she left behind. Bandida. What a terrible woman Ciego’s wife was to leave him like that. What would Doña Sosa’s own life been like had she left ten years ago just when her husband started to get sick?

Judgment between women, their obligations to their spouses

How soft his hands were on her arms. Those hands have never worked. She can’t remember a day when Ciego was coming home from a hard day’s work. A lazy man, sweet, but lazy. She’s only seen him relaxed, with peace on his face and the kind of optimism in his eyes that is full of love. She remembers the way his hand felt warm on her arm and then tries to push the thought away. Instead she thinks about her husband, how handsome he really is. She takes a glance at the portrait of them when they’re young hanging by the dining table.

Question what is attractive in a man and what is most appealing

Could it be that Richie might be the kind of guy who disproves my mother’s theory about men? She told me, Men listen with their eyes and not their ears. They see a women with a short skirt on, and in their own distorted language they hear, c’mon baby easy access. Or when a woman says no, if they see a glimpse of flirting or lips that are smiling, no echoes yes, yes if you try hard enough you will get me. Yes. They see yes, like they hear, touch me when a women wears tight jeans or her hair’s down, or even when she wears sweats and sneakers, yes. Men hear yes. I know guys around the way who are thirty years old and have no problem dating fifteen-year-olds. It feels good to know Richie won’t let anything happen between him and Flaca.

Mother has planted distrust in men and their intentions

My grandmother always tries to make me feel better when I start complaining about the way I look. She says, but mi’ja you have every woman’s dream. Una melena that will find you a good husband. Tú veras.

Good hair makes up for other features

You go home a lot? What do you mean? Plátano land.

Home. DR. Platano land

No way. Before I go to D.R. I’d go to Europe. To do what? To see the world. Europe is not the world. Dominican Republic isn’t either. But it’s a big part of your imagination. And that’s your world.

Perspective of what exoticism and otherworldly means

Sometimes she sits on the sofa and waits for the spirit, hoping it will appear. Maybe if she confronts it, talks to it, she will find out its name and its intentions. But it’s a sneaky thing and it likes to surprise her. She’s tired of having surprises, of crying, of not having a certain amount of control in her life.

Finally feeling insecure about her transcendental experience

With Gorda’s help she had learned to keep the house in complete order. Olivia, the home is the one place we have control of, Gorda said.

Lessons as a woman

Tell him you want to make sure things are clean, that you want him to find his things easier when he complains. Make him depend on you in a way he’ll never imagine living without you. Make him ask you where things are, Gorda said, at least you will be talking to each other. Let him hurt himself when he comes home late at night and the apartment is dark. Who cares if he hits his shin on the corner of the bed? A little pain never hurt a man. And if he ever cheats on you, he’ll come back home; men have nowhere else to go.

Women controlling the men by managing the house

Many times Manolo said he didn’t like her to be on the streets alone without him because it was unsafe. He took her apartment keys with him when he went to work.

Man controlling woman

So he called himself Manny, she thought. Manny sounded like a gringo, not the Manolo who seduced her on the beach.

Americanizing names

Either he should end his affair with this woman once and for all, or tell Olivia that their marriage was over, so she could go back home to live with her mother in D.R.

She was willing to be left if she can return to DR

Deep down, he knew Soledad wasn’t his child but he held his feelings in and sometimes out of nowhere he exploded at Olivia. He exploded with rage when she would try to surprise him from behind, kissing his earlobes or running her fingers through his hair.

Would he have been abusive and unfaithful if Soledad had been his child?

She sent Soledad away for months at a time to Dominican Republic — that way they could pretend it was only them. She did this so the house would have less tension, be more peaceful. Olivia swore Manolo could love her again like he did when they met in Puerto Plata. When he was good to her she cherished his attention, the way he made her feel beautiful and important in his life. When Soledad returned home, his outbursts of rage started all over again.

Soledad cause of abuse. Greater tension and resentment between mother and daughter

She was trapped between the seat cushion and the dashboard. She didn’t fight. She felt she deserved every bit of it. She deserved it for being naïve, for lying to Manolo about Soledad. Olivia cried along with the taxi driver, who fell on her sobbing, tears on her dress. The taxi driver gathered himself and sat up straight. As if in prayer he looked at the moon.

punishment for her actions

maybe you should stay away, Soledad. You might make it worse, she says, pushing me away and continuing to rub lotion on my mother’s legs. She makes me feel like I’m ten. And how will I make it worse? You’re afraid of her — that’s how. My grandmother grabs my hands, faces my palms up and says, See how they’re unsteady and weak. You have fear in your hands. She’s your mother, yet you’re afraid.

relationship made of fear

Mamá, I’m never leaving Dominican Republic, it’s like selling your soul when you leave.

Today my mother looks dead and although I want her so much to speak, I look into her eyes hoping she’s incubating to become the kind of women she desired to be before my father entered into her life.

Isn’t this the most amazing thing you’ve ever laid your eyes on? he asks.

Richie is comfortable and appreciative of his environment. He is not interested in running away

Your children are supposed to help you. They talk about me as if I’m not in the room. Olivia’s life was not so bad, they say. She had a good husband who paid her rent until the day he died.

Expectations. Child care for their parents. Appreciate a husband that takes care of household finances

White things are always good for you. You ever think about that? Egg whites, Heaven, all good things, you know. And then red, reds always something to stay away from: warning signs are red, blood is red, the devil, Hell, all red. But the sunrise, the sky red and orange like a ripe peach, makes it all very confusing.

Symbolism in color. Good white, bad red, sky a blend of all

Victor tries not to sleep at Isabel’s. It’s too close to marriage he says, the actual sleeping together. He abides by one rule with all women: he’ll make love to them, stay up late talking shit, but never sleep with them. Sleep is to be done alone.

Treatment of women, good enough to fuck but not sleep with. Understands not willing to commit

You know when I was your age, no maybe even younger than you, I knew I had to get out of that country. When Trujillo died, the whole country went mad. You never seen madness until you see people about to lose everything they got.

Trujillo time period, part of that wave of migration

opened a bookstore. A bookstore specializing in Communist books. I made a small fortune you know, people were talking revolution, socialism, and I wanted to get the fuck out of there. Made enough money . . . Damn it, Victor, I wanted to . . . I wanted to do so many things. I wanted to come to the U.S. and be transformed, and when I got here and realized that men like me, like us, are treated like dogs in this country, that they got us, all medicating our lost dreams with mierda like Johnny Walker Black . . . All I’m saying, Victor, learn quick. Do what you gotta do to make a life that you can be proud of.

His story, his treatment in the US--land of dreams and oportunities

shouldn’t be here at all. I’m going back home, Victor.

Returning to DR. Still home

keep wanting to apologize because of all the times I didn’t believe her. I was selfish for shutting her out after she’d gone through so much. Maybe if I believed her we could have fought my father together. Maybe everything got so out of hand because we never talked about it.

Begin to make amends with her mother. Pieces coming together and mind opening up to see better

If your mamá knows about me then everybody in your house will know yo soy tu mujer.

Establishing territory, women also claim ownership. But in reverse "yo soy tu mujer" Giving permission to be owned

she thinks Isabel is pretty for a morena. At least her nose is fine and she has nice teeth. Una sonrisa linda.

Skin color important part of beauty consideration. Grudgingly admires a dark skin woman and her thin nose and nice teeth make up for the disadvantage of dark skin

Besides, he isn’t thinking of getting married. He just wants Isabel off his back, so he doesn’t lose her. If he can only get Isabel to hold on for a while, things will work out well. He can’t understand it himself, this fear that takes over every normal thought he can possibly have when he thinks of Isabel as being the only woman he will ever put his hands on again. He can’t imagine his life that way. Babies with her, yeah. He loves the idea of having one little girl with Isabel’s big round eyes. It’s enough reason for living. But giving up a session like he had with Ramona the other day, he doesn’t know if it’s normal to repress that.

Not wanting to settle down, which means he understands faithfulness after marriage. However, he wants to own Isabel and have a child with her but not commit to only her