Caught Up (Windy City, #3)

by Liz Tomforde

“I shouldn’t have been so close with him this summer, Kai. I should’ve kept the line clearer that I was just passing through.” Kai’s icy gaze hardens. “Why? So my son could spend time with someone who doesn’t make him feel like he’s the most important person in the world the way you have? Or so he wouldn’t know what it feels like to be loved the way you love him? That’s bullshit and you know it. Or are you saying that in regards to me? That you should’ve kept the line clearer with me that you’re just passing through.”

I know he’s speaking, but all I can see is his hat sitting upside down on the kitchen island. The same photo of Max is tucked into the inner brim, but now there’s a new addition. I could pick out that picture anywhere. The bright yellow T-shirt is hard to miss after seeing it on my dad’s desk every day this summer. “What is that?” Kai follows my line of sight, staring right at his hat. His exhale is defeated. “You know what that is.” “Why? Why would that be there? Why is it next to Max’s picture?” He doesn’t answer me, so I pull my attention away from the picture to find him staring at me and it isn’t until he has my full attention that he says, “Because when life or work gets too stressful, too overwhelming for me, I’m able to see who matters most. And that’s you, Miller.” He shakes his head. “And it’s in there because I’m so fucking in love with you, it’s too painful not to be able to see you every second of the day.”

“I fucking love you, and I’m sorry that neither my son nor I could control how we feel about you. I’m sorry that this is the last thing you wanted to hear, but I’m not sorry that I do.” “Kai,” I cry, fresh tears streaming down my face. “You can’t. We just…we got caught up in this. We had rules.” “Fuck your rules, Miller!” he bursts, pacing the hallway that leads to his room. “I’m not asking you to love me back.” But I do. “But I’m not going to keep pretending like I’m not absolutely fucking ruined from having you for the last two months. I know this is the last thing you wanted, but I’m not going to apologize. You’re my favorite person, Miller, and for once I had someone for me. I had someone taking care of me. After being alone for so long, I finally had someone looking out for me.” “I haven’t been taking care of you.” I frantically shake my head. “You were the one taking care of me.” “You’ve been taking care of my heart, Mills, and I’ve been taking care of yours.”

“You want a family to raise your son around. I don’t have that, Kai.” I swear I’m looking for anything to talk him out of his feelings. “I only have me.” “I only want you! We already have a family, Miller. My friends, the team, your dad. And you. I just want you.”

“Miller, you’re not just another person.” He won’t look at me, his attention locked on the ground, and I catch the first tear fall from under his glasses, hitting the floor. “You put me first when I forgot how to. You reminded me what it felt like to be important, to be chosen first. I know you wanted this to be easy and detached, but you’re fucking in here.” His fingers meet his chest, tapping it a couple of times, blue eyes meeting mine, and full of pain. “You’re everywhere, and when you leave tomorrow, I’ll still see you everywhere. In this kitchen. In Max’s room. In my bed. There’s nothing about us that’s easy. This is fucking miserable, Miller, knowing there’s a clock counting down the seconds until I don’t have you anymore, but I’d do it all over again. I’d fall in love with you all over again. I’d break my heart all over again because loving you was one of the two greatest surprises of my life.”

“If I could…” he continues, shaking his head. “I’d chase you. I’d spend every free day on an airplane to get to you, even if that meant I only got to kiss you once before I had to fly back to Chicago. I’d spend my off-season living out of a hotel or out of your fucking van just to be close to you, but it’s not only me I’m making decisions for anymore. And because of that, I don’t want you to say anything. Don’t tell me if you love me, and fuck,” he exhales a painful laugh. “Please don’t tell me if you don’t. But especially don’t give me any hope because if you do, I have a feeling I’d chase you across the country until you were caught.”

“I love you. God, I love you so much, Miller, it feels like it might kill me.”

“Miller,” he says, making sure my attention is on him. “If you ever decide to stop running and make a home…” His eyes are begging, pleading. “Make it with me.”

And that night, when Kai whispers that today was a good day against my skin, I don’t tell him that they can all be good days. Because for me, this was the very last one.

It’s been one week. One excruciating week since Miller drove away. One week since I’ve started correcting Max every time he saw a picture of her and called her Mama. One week since I started using the pillow she slept on in my bed instead of my own, praying that her sweet scent will somehow embed itself into the fibers and stay forever. One week since this world I created, this little family I could finally claim as my own, dissolved, leaving me and my son with only each other once again.

I hope she’s doing better than I am. I hope she’s finding everything she’s looking for. I hope she’s finding her joy. Because I sure as fuck lost mine.

I’m a shell of a human these days, barely showering or eating, only getting out of bed for Max. Having someone else to take care of while your heart is breaking is an odd relief. You want to wallow in self-pity but can’t because someone else is relying on you.

“Do you want me to have her call you then?” Violet asks. “No. No, don’t worry about it. I know she’s busy.” “She is, but it’s all very big and exciting things for her. And she’s happy here. She’s jiving well with this kitchen. She’s got a bright future in the industry. Take it from me. I’ve represented a lot of chefs in my career, but none as promising as her.”

Using the towel over my shoulder, I wipe the edge of the plate clean, delivering the Bananas Foster to Maven standing on the other side of the pass-through window. “Beautiful, Chef,” she says, eyes flicking to me before I return to my station. She’s not wrong. It’s stunning. The problem is no longer that I can’t do my job. The problem is that now, I don’t want to.

God, I miss him. I miss his smell, his smile—the tired one and the confident one. I miss his steady hold, and his overwhelming encouragement. I feel like I’ve been spinning off axis for the past seven days, but this was always the plan. I was always going to be here, without him.

Kai’s handwriting comes into view, right there on the back of the photo. Our names—Max, Miller, and Malakai are accompanied by the date and year with a small inscription below. I hope you’re out there finding your joy because you’re the reason we found ours.

“My advice, after twenty years in the industry, stop giving your brilliance to other people. Put your name on it and own it.” She pulls her espresso back to her lips, smiling behind the tiny cup. “After you finish donating a bit to me this fall, of course.”

“If you ever feel like you’ve truly lost your passion for this, quit. Your food will never meet its potential because you’ll never meet your potential. This career is not for the faint of heart. You will be beaten down on the line, day in and day out. You know this. But if you’re questioning if you made the right decision, you’ve already made the wrong one. “Find your passion, Miller. Find what makes you excited to get up every morning and if it’s not this, walk away.” Well, fuck me, am I that obvious? “This is what I’m good at.” “Oh, you’re fucking brilliant at it. But you know what’s better than being the best at something you don’t love? Being mediocre at something you do.”

“Is that your son?” Maven asks, looking over my shoulder at the screen. “Oh,” I startle, forgetting for a moment that she was here. “No. This is Max. The little boy I was nannying for.” “Interesting.” “What is?” “You look at him the way I look at Luna—my daughter, not the restaurant.”

“Never once, to this day, have I ever viewed our relationship or how our family came to be as a sacrifice. It’s been a privilege to be your dad.”

“There was this one mom, she was a real piece of work. She was the one hosting the whole thing and she looked right at you and asked who I was in a tone that was so obvious she thought I shouldn’t be there, but you didn’t pick up on any of it. You just took a bite of one of those little cucumber sandwiches, looked her square in the eye, and said, ‘This is my dad.’ It was the first time you had ever called me that, and after the tea party I cried in your school’s bathroom for a solid thirty minutes.” My eyes burn. “You never told me that.” He tilts his head, placing a quick kiss to my hair. “It was one of the best days of my life. One of the scariest too, because that name holds so much weight. So much responsibility. And all I wanted to do was live up to it.”

“I’m not telling you what you should or shouldn’t do with your life. I just don’t want you to be so afraid to fail at something new that it keeps you from finding your happiness when you’re the reason I found mine.”

“Miller, when you think of Max, what do you want for his future?” “I just want him to be happy.” “Would you ever expect him to repay you for loving him?” “Of course not.” He looks up to the sky, the sun beating on his smiling face. “Exactly.” We’ve had this conversation before, but it hadn’t sunk in until today. I didn’t relate to him until today. “I think you understand,” he continues. “Leaving my career to become your dad doesn’t seem like much of a sacrifice now, does it?” I shake my head. “Not when I’m thinking of doing the same.” He turns to me, brown eyes soft, looking at me as if I were his entire world. I understand that sentiment more than I ever thought I would. “Go find your happiness, Miller.”

“Have you talked to her?” Because what the fuck? I haven’t even spoken to the woman I’m helplessly in love with. He throws his hands up in admission. “Yes, okay? I’ve talked to her every day since she left, but I wasn’t doing it to go behind your back. Before she left, she asked me to keep her updated on Max. So that’s what I’ve been doing.” She wanted to be kept up to date on my son? Of course, she did. My girl loves my boy.

Stunningly happy smile on her face contrasted to her future husband standing up front and crying like a little bitch. Granted he’s laughing at himself for being emotional and even Indy is giving him shit from down the aisle because Ryan used to be the least emotional man I knew. Now, he’s a blubbering fucking mess over how happy he is.

MY BABIES FOREVER

The man that was standing off to the side steps up, using his hands to interpret everything Stevie has to say while she officiates. Ryan and Indy speak with both their voices and their hands the entire time as well.

“It’s a girl,” Zanders declares. “And I’m stoked. Did you hear that, Max? I’m finally getting you a new friend.” Max giggles in my grasp. “You’re gonna be a girl dad, huh? Congratulations, man, that’s awesome.” I swing an arm over him in a hug. “Did you know they make little hockey skates with tiny hearts on them? I’m going to get her those.”

UGH

Returning, Montgomery proceeded to place a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie on the table between us before casually asking, “Should we get started?”

But the most shocking revelation from our time together is when Montgomery admitted with a beaming smile that after earning the top honor in the industry, she’s leaving it all behind.

“It’s not my passion anymore,” Montgomery admitted. “I took a summer hiatus from the restaurant industry and fell in love with a different kind of life. Baking is all about passion. If you don’t feel it, your food reflects those sentiments. One of those art imitating life situations.” “And you’ve found a new passion then?” I asked. “A new dream as I like to call it.” She wore a meaningful grin at the statement. “One with balance, friendship, and a whole lot of love.”

“Can we expect to find you consulting at kitchens in the Chicago area?” “No,” Montgomery said with a hearty laugh. “There’s only one kitchen I plan on spending my time in and that’s the one featured on the cover of this magazine.”

“I’m looking forward to living in one spot. Having a place to call home. Having my dad close by and being a part of a community that supports me, that I support in return. Hearing the constant encouragement from the man I love, and I’m equally excited to cheer him on in his endeavors. But the part I’m most looking forward to is having the opportunity to bake every future birthday cake for the little boy who stole my heart this summer.” “How does it feel to know you’re settling down?” I asked. “I don’t like the term ‘settling down.’ I didn’t settle for anything. I simply stopped running when the two best boys I know caught me.”

Banana (Nana) Bread—the one that got me back in my groove. M&M Cookies—named after my favorite people. And finally, the one that makes my eyes burn. Mae’s Tiramisu—for the woman I never got to meet but who raised two amazing men. I hope I follow in your steps by being a fantastic boy-mom.

“Not too concerned about those wrinkles, I see. Smiling like that.” It’s that raspy tone I love so much. The one that I haven’t heard in far too long. My lips only curve more as I keep my eyes closed, basking in the knowledge that she’s back. She’s fucking back. “You should probably hook me up with some of that skin care, Miller, because I have a feeling this smile isn’t going anywhere.”

She looks so fucking good. And she looks so fucking mine.

“I want to open my own patisserie and teach classes there a couple of times a week. I want to watch as many of your games as I can. I want to wake up with you every morning. I want to live close to my dad. I want to read stories to Max every night before bed. I want to try my hardest to be who he needs me to be. I want to be the one to bake him cupcakes for his first birthday at school and for all his birthdays after that. I want to have more babies with you because you are such an amazing dad. But most of all, I want to be happy and you two make me happy, Kai. And I hope I make you happy too.”

“You. Just you. I want it all with you, Miller.”

“I love you so much, Kai. Nothing about me leaving was because of you. I need you to know that. You’re more than enough, more than I could’ve dreamt for. I loved you before I left, and I love Max and I’ve never felt so much at once that I’m fairly certain my heart is going to give out soon. I’m only twenty-six, Malakai. It’s too soon.” Hand bracketing her jaw, I pull her down. “Don’t worry, Mills. I’ll go long before you, due to my old age and all.”

“I love you.” She smiles into my lips. “I love you.” “Mmm,” I hum. “You should probably say it again.” “I love you, Malakai, and I love your son.” Fuck, that’s the one that does it.

You and Max are my dream.”

A knock sounds at the back door of the house and we both turn to find Isaiah, Zanders, Stevie, Ryan, Indy, and Rio with their faces pressed up to the glass, watching us. “Jesus, fuck,” I exhale as Miller waves at them. “Did they all know?” “Only Indy. I couldn’t show up to someone’s wedding without RSVPing.”

“Mama!” Max calls out from the other side of the glass, and when we look back, Ryan’s got him hoisted on his arm to get a good view. His blue eyes are wide with excitement, looking right at the woman he and I love so much. He smacks the glass as if it’ll help him get to her. “Max is here?” Miller asks on a gasp. He claps in excitement. “Mama! Mama!” Miller drops her forehead to mine, eyes closed in relief, speaking quietly. “Today was a good day.” There were so many times I said that this summer with the fear that they were going to all end, but now… “They’re all going to be good days, Miller.”

Last month Max caught a little cold and, instead of me, the only person he wanted was his mom. My ego took a small hit but getting to see her confidence toward motherhood grow was well worth the blow.

A few weeks after Miller moved to Chicago, I went to Monty’s apartment and asked how he felt about me asking his daughter to marry me. He cried a little, mostly out of joy, before pulling out a ring he had kept with him for over twenty years. It was the ring he was going to propose to Miller’s mom with, but never got the chance to.

“Dude, she loves it. It’s wild to me that just six months ago, she thought she wouldn’t be good at it. She’s a natural, and every time I see her with Max, I get hit with the craziest baby fever.” I shake my head. “I want to knock her up so badly.” “Yes,” Zanders agrees. “Watching Stevie be a mom over the past four months is seriously one of the most attractive things I’ve ever witnessed.” We both turn toward Ryan, who is attempting to suppress his smile. He’s going to understand how we feel real soon because they just found out Indy is pregnant.

“What do you think this is?” Miller asks Max in a high-pitched voice, not quite catching on to what’s in the bag. That is until her fingers graze the velvet box and her eyes shoot to me. “No.” I chuckle. “You’re saying no already? I haven’t even asked.” “Malakai.” She tilts her head, her lip jutting out.

“Miller Montgomery,” I begin, but she cuts me off before I can continue. She points at the tear that’s already falling down her face. “I hate you for this.” “It really wouldn’t be a proper proposal for us without you telling me how much you hate me, huh?” She laughs that watery laugh, and I carefully take the box from her hand. “Miller Montgomery—” “Yes! The answer is yes.” “Okay,” I chuckle. “Thank you for the vote of confidence but I still got to get this out.”