Caught Up (Windy City, #3)

by Liz Tomforde

I’ve enjoyed having her here, but because it’s one of the most important parts of life. Finding people that make your heart ache when they’re not around. Having a place to call home. Instead of Miller being the one to get lost in the fantasy of her sticking around Chicago, I was the one who did. In what world am I supposed to simply be okay with her leaving? How the hell am I supposed to forget what her laugh sounds like? What her lips taste like? I want her. Fuck, do I want her. Any sane, straight man would jump at the opportunity of having her as an unattached fuck buddy the way she wants, but my brain forgot how to do casual all the while my dick is praying I’ll remember.

Life is about finding your joy, living in a way that brings you and others happiness. So, I guess the real question is, does your career make you happy? Is this job your dream job?”

I want her. There’s no denying it any longer; I want this girl more than I’ve wanted anything in my life. Sure, I want her for more than the next few weeks, but she’s made it clear I can’t have her for any longer than that. So the question is, can I keep myself detached enough to not entirely crumble when she goes?

“Why were you about to knock?” “Why did you open the door?” “I asked first.” “I was going to knock because I’m about to be selfish.” Stepping forward, I cross the threshold between her room and mine, recognizing the metaphor of it all. “For once, I’m going to take what I want.” The corner of her lip lifts in a dangerous grin. “Finally.”

“You’re ready for it, huh?” “I’ve been ready for it since the day I saw you in that elevator.” His middle finger circles my clit, coaxing the truth. “I’ve wanted this since I met you.” He nips at my collarbone, smiling against my skin. “I know.” Usually, the arrogant thing doesn’t do it for me, but Kai having a moment of cockiness? I’m fairly certain his fingers are soaked because of it. “Thank you for that,” he continues. “Not to get all sappy before I fuck you, but you make me feel like a man again and not just a dad.”

“Have you been planning this the whole time, Miller? Ever since that elevator, where you wouldn’t stop talking. You knew one day I’d have to pin you to the wall and make you shut up, didn’t you?” He squeezes my thigh again, his other fingers rolling slow torturous circles over my clit. “And goddamn, these legs are going to feel so warm on my cheeks when I bury my tongue right here.”

“Getting you off gets me off. You should stop entertaining boys with any other mindset.” He drops his briefs to the ground, and I can’t breathe. “In fact, you should stop entertaining other boys in general.”

“I’d do anything for you, Miller.”

When I excel at something, I have the satisfaction of knowing I belong, that I’m worth the investment. Whether that be the chefs that invested in me by selecting me for exclusive internships, or knowing that my dad invested his life by adopting me when he wasn’t exactly in the position to take on that responsibility. At least I’ve made a name for myself.

I get it. He’s absurdly attractive and a professional athlete. I know that selfless single dad thing has to do it for other women the way it does for me, but he’s not available. Right? Since when am I jealous? I’ve never been attached enough to be jealous. And why am I spiraling, imagining this random redhead as Max’s new mom?

Because unfortunately for me, I know no one else will ever compare to how complete she makes both me and my son feel.

“I am. God, I love that kid so much. Is that weird?” Indy, sitting cross-legged, looks down at me. “No, Miller. That’s not weird. Sometimes we can’t explain how or why we love who we love. We just do. You don’t really get to tell your heart what to do.”

“It’s okay for the important things in your life to change, you know?” Stevie nods. “And it’s okay to change directions even when you’ve spent your entire life headed on a one-way street.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” I drunkenly admit. “Everything is so messy. I was just taking a break from work, and now I’m head over heels for Max and I’m having the best sex of my life with his dad.”

“Why do you say that?” “I don’t want to leave Max.” Goddamn, my heart is thundering against my chest, sharp pricks burning my eyes because this girl loves my boy so fiercely. It’s something I wasn’t sure would ever happen, to have someone else love my child in the way I hoped they would. “But I have to go back,” she continues. Biting my tongue, I wait until I can find the right response. “Yeah,” I exhale. “You do.” She tilts her head to look at me. “I do?” “It’s your dream, Mills. I won’t let you walk away from that because of my son.” Or because of me.

“Pressure is a privilege, Miller. Expectations are high because you’re successful. If you were average, no one would be waiting on bated breath for you. I think about that every night I take the mound. You just have to decide if your dreams and goals are worth the pressure. If you want to live up to the expectations set for you.” “I do. I want to be the best.” “Then do it.”

“But I don’t know if it’s about being happy,” she continues. “I want to prove that I can do it. I want to prove that I’m worth the award I won. I want to prove that I’m doing something that justifies the fact my dad gave up his entire life for me.”

“Love isn’t earned. Monty gave up his career because he loves you unconditionally. You don’t have to pay him back by chasing accolades. That’s not how it works.”

“Miller.” My tone is a bit sharp, mostly because I don’t like her talking about herself in that way. “I can’t think of a single person who would feel burdened by having you in their life.”

“If I quit, I’d feel like a failure.” Miller’s voice shockingly cracks a bit, so I pull her into me, allowing her to speak her mind, drunkenly or not. “I thought I just needed a break this summer to get my groove back, but it doesn’t simply feel like burnout anymore. It feels like I’ve spent my whole life chasing a career that I’m realizing, regardless of the awards and the prestige, isn’t all that fulfilling. And over the last seven weeks I’ve been the happiest I’ve ever been, chasing Max around, spending time with my dad, being with you.” “Mills, you’re twenty-five. You could change directions a hundred more times in your life, and you’d still never be a failure.

You’re too hard of a worker to ever be considered a failure. Life is meant to be spent chasing happiness.”

“Miller, when exactly is your birthday?” “Saturday.” Four days. Her birthday is in four days. “Why didn’t you tell me? That’s the day before you leave.” She shrugs against me. “I’ve never really had anyone to tell, I guess.”

“Can we forget about some of my rules? For the rest of the week while I’m here? I just want to know what it’d feel like.” “You want to know how what feels like?” “To be yours.”

“Mills, you already are mine. Even if I haven’t been allowed to show you, you’ve always been mine.” She settles back onto my chest. “Until Sunday. That rule has to stay.”

“I had a dream last night,” she says. “Well, it was kind of a nightmare.” “Oh yeah?” I kiss the skin under her ear, my hand dipping under the hem of my shirt she’s wearing. “Tell me all about it.” “I was in bed with a giant baseball player. Wears glasses. Tattoo on his thigh.” My palm drifts to her bare tits, running over the pebbled skin. “He sounds attractive.” “He was, but when I asked him to take advantage of me, he turned me down.” She rolls her ass against my cock, and I pull her tighter against me to do it again. “What a dick. Clearly, he doesn’t know what he’s missing.” “Clearly.”

“So I think it’s only fair if you take advantage of me this morning to make up for that guy. Really stick it to him by sticking it in me, you know?”

“Is that what you want, baby?” I dip lower, my fingertips trailing over the top of her panties. “You want me to fuck you in my bed? You want to know what I’d be like if I got to wake up to you every morning?”

“You want to regret spending the last seven weeks sleeping in a bed that wasn’t mine?” “Yes.”

“You’re so perfect, Miller,” I whisper into her ear. “So mine.”

As of earlier this week, every night is spent here in this bed with Kai. Every rule either of us put into place has since been thrown out the window, other than our expiration date, and each day that passes with my walls down, defenseless, I can sense him seeping in, taking over my every thought, my every action. Where he is, I want to be, but each passing moment feels as if there were a giant countdown plastered on the wall, constantly reminding us that our time is up soon.

My favorite thing about this man is how stable, how constant he is. He takes on responsibilities others don’t have the strength to handle, including settling me in this moment. I somehow need to figure out how to steal some of his resilience for myself so I can take it when I go.

There’s no part of me that wants to be in the kitchen. I only want to be with them.

Today is Miller’s birthday and it started just the way I wanted it to—with my face between her legs.

Family Day tends to be my least favorite day on the calendar. Every team I’ve played for has hosted one. It’s a bit awkward when no one shows up for me, especially when the rest of my teammates have their siblings, partners, and parents there.

She has a hard time being anything but the best.

I can cocompletely relate to this!

“I hated everything about that photoshoot yesterday,” she finally admits. “I hated wearing that coat again and hearing them call me chef. I’m supposed to be excited. My career is taking off, and I thought it’d feel like a dream. My dream.” I never know what I’m supposed to say when she talks like this. Do I agree? Disagree? I just want her to be happy, and up until the other night, I thought her career was doing that for her. “If it didn’t feel like a dream, then what did it feel like?” She peeks up at me, her chin on my chest. “A nightmare.” I push her hair away from her face, coaxing her to continue. “I’ve been in a bad mood since yesterday because I didn’t expect it to feel that way, and that makes me angry. I’m mad that something I worked so hard for doesn’t feel fulfilling in the slightest. I’m angry that time is against us, and I have to leave tomorrow.” She covers her face with her hands, shaking her head. “I should be excited for what’s waiting for me, but I’m not. And regardless of how I feel about it, I have to go. There are too many people counting on me to get back to work, and as you can see, I’m a fucking mess over it.”

With my name on her back and my son in her arms, Miller stands in the center of the field, looking like mine. She should be mine. Ours.

Craning my neck I kiss her, right there in the middle of the infield where anyone could see, because this is not just a fling. Nothing about our situation is detached. She’s it for me and I don’t know how the fuck to handle that.

“You asked me to come to you if I ever had the urge to ask Miller to stay,” I begin. “And while yes, I want to beg her to say, I’m not going to. We both know she can’t, and I don’t want her to feel obligated to me or to Max, but I am going to tell her she’s always got a home with us, and I just wanted to let you know before I do.”

“Are you not going to ask her to stay because you don’t want her to feel obligated or because you’re afraid she’d say no if you did?”

I don’t ask anymore—for help, for someone to stay. I simply do it on my own.

“I don’t want her giving up her entire life for me only to realize I’m not worth sticking around for.” Monty’s head whips in my direction, but I keep my attention straight on the field. “Then you don’t know her at all if you can’t see the way she looks at you, like you’re the best damn thing to ever happen in her twenty-six years of life.” That earns my attention. “You just might be,” he continues. “After me, of course.”

“I’ll speak from experience. She doesn’t feel obligated to your son, so don’t let that thought cross your mind. She loves him in the way I love her.”

“She’s not my blood, but she’s my girl,” Monty says from beside me. “And she looks at your boy, who is not her blood, in the same way I look at her. I’ve seen it all summer. I watched her fall in love with two people at the same time, and it reminded me of myself when I met her and her mom. She won’t be able to just walk away from that, regardless of if you ask or not.” Monty finally looks my way, eyes welling with unshed tears. “I know I couldn’t.” “Fuck, Monty.” Pressing into my eyes, I will the emotion back. “What the hell?” He chuckles, but it’s watery and choked. “All those times I asked you to come to me first, it’s not because I thought you weren’t worthy of asking that of my daughter. It’s because I was looking out for you. Miller has this intense need to be the best at what she does even if it’s not something she loves all that much, and I wanted to have this conversation before you put your heart on the line. Kai, she might not stay, but I can promise if she goes, it’s not because of you. You need to understand that.” I exhale a long breath. “I’ve noticed that about her, her need to be the best. Like she finds her worth in checkmarks and achievements.”

“Has she ever told you what that’s about?” “Not explicitly, but I have a feeling it has to do with how you two became a family. I think there’s some residual guilt there. As if she feels at fault for taking you away from the life you were living at the time her mom died.” Monty nods, keeping his eyes out on the field and not on me. He clears his throat. “Yeah, I’ve had a hunch that’s what was going on. We’ve talked about it, but I don’t think she’s ever truly understood that nothing about our situation was a sacrifice.”

Anyone who creates an issue with my brother is automatically an issue for me.

“Malakai is the best person I know. He’s my best friend and the best dad to his son. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve begun to realize everything he’s done for me. No fifteen-year-old should’ve been left to raise their sibling. He got me through our mom’s death. He got me through high school. He taught me how to drive. Hell, the guy even took me to buy my first pack of condoms.” He chuckles to himself. “Which is ironic now, seeing as he’s the one who ended up with an accidental pregnancy.”

“What I’m trying to say is that my brother deserves the world and for him, you are the world.”

“If there’s any chance of you coming back to see them...” Isaiah shakes his head. “I don’t know what I’m asking here. I’m just trying to repay Kai for everything he’s done for me, and I’ve never seen him look at someone the way he looks at you. I’ve never seen him so immersed in someone else’s orbit, and I don’t know how you did that. If you found a crack and wormed your way in or what, but he’s been so focused on Max for the last year that he forgot about himself. But you…you didn’t forget about him. I’m asking that you don’t forget about him when you go.” “Isaiah.” My head falls to his shoulder with an exhale. “Trust me, I’ll never be able to forget your brother.”

“What happened is he fell in love with you, and I think you fell right back.” I suck in a shuddering sob. “We had rules to prevent this kind of thing.” Rules that didn’t do shit to keep me from falling for them both. “No, Mills.” He gestures between us. “We had rules. You couldn’t have stopped him from feeling that way toward you, and I think a big part of me knew that from day one.”