Failing Forward: Turning Mistakes into Stepping Stones for Success

by John C. Maxwell

We are all failures—at least, all the best of us are. —J. M. BARRIE

The difference between average people and achieving people is their perception of and response to failure. Nothing else has the same kind of impact on people’s ability to achieve and to accomplish whatever their minds and hearts desire.

Soccer player Kyle Rote Jr. remarked, “There is no doubt in my mind that there are many ways to be a winner, but there is really only one way to be a loser and that is to fail and not look beyond the failure.”

Failure isn’t a percentage or a test. It’s not a single event. It’s a process.

There is no achievement without failure.

If your perception of and response to failure were changed, what would you attempt to achieve?

I don’t know what obstacles you are facing in your life right now. But whatever they are doesn’t matter. What does matter is that your life can change if you’re willing to look at failure differently. You have the potential to overcome any problems, mistakes, or misfortunes. All you have to do is learn to fail forward.

No matter how difficult your problems were, the key to overcoming them doesn’t lie in changing your circumstances. It’s in changing yourself. That in itself is a process, and it begins with a desire to be teachable. If you’re willing to do that, then you’ll be able to handle failure.

One of the greatest problems people have with failure is that they are too quick to judge isolated situations in their lives and label them as failures. Instead, they need to keep the bigger picture in mind.

Someone like Tony Gwynn doesn’t look at an out that he makes and think of failure. He sees it within the context of the bigger picture. His perspective leads to perseverance. His perseverance brings longevity. And his longevity gives him opportunities for success.

Recently I came across something called Rules for Being Human. I think the list describes well the state we’re in as people: Rule #1: You will learn lessons. Rule #2: There are no mistakes—only lessons. Rule #3: A lesson is repeated until it is learned. Rule #4: If you don’t learn the easy lessons, they get harder. (Pain is one way the universe gets your attention.) Rule #5: You’ll know you’ve learned a lesson when your actions change.

The Success Journey. It offers an overview on what it means to be successful. In it I define success in these terms: Knowing your purpose in life Growing to reach your potential Sowing seeds that benefit others The thesis of the book is that success is not a destination—not a place where you arrive one day. Instead, it is the journey you take. And whether you succeed comes from what you do day to day. In other words, success is a process.

Failure works the same way. It’s not someplace you arrive. Just as success is not an event, neither is failure. It’s how you deal with life along the way. No one can conclude that he has failed until he breathes his last breath. Until then, he’s still in process, and the jury is still out.

The answer is that you are the only person who can really label what you do a failure. It’s subjective. Your perception of and response to your mistakes determine whether your actions are failures.

Most people try to avoid failure like the plague. They’re afraid of it. But it takes adversity to create success.

NBA coach Rick Pitino states it even more strongly. “Failure is good,” he says. “It’s fertilizer. Everything I’ve learned about coaching I’ve learned from making mistakes.”

Musicologist Eloise Ristad emphasizes that “when we give ourselves permission to fail, we at the same time give ourselves permission to excel.”

There’s an old saying in Texas: “It doesn’t matter how much milk you spill as long as you don’t lose your cow.” In other words, mistakes are not irreversible. Keep everything in perspective.

Mistakes are not permanent markers. I love the perspective of the late Senator Sam Ervin Jr., who remarked, “Defeat may serve as well as victory to shake the soul and let the glory out.” That’s the way we need to look at failure.

People who fail forward are able to see errors or negative experiences as a regular part of life, learn from them, and then move on. They persevere in order to achieve their purpose in life.

The terrible truth is that all roads to achievement lead through the land of failure. It has stood firmly between every human being who had a dream and the realization of that dream. The good news is that anyone can make it through failure.

Each of us has to make a choice. Are we going to sleep life away, avoiding failure at all costs? Or are we going to wake up and realize this: Failure is simply a price we pay to achieve success. If we learn to embrace that new definition of failure, then we are free to start moving ahead—and failing forward.

Thomas Edison believed, “Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

Get a new definition of failure. Regard it as the price you pay for progress.

Failure isn’t so bad if it doesn’t attack the heart. Success is all right if it doesn’t go to the head. —GRANTLAND RICE

What you have to tell yourself is, “I’m not a failure. I failed at doing something.” There’s a big difference.

All great achievers are given multiple reasons to believe they are failures. But in spite of that, they persevere.

Value people. Praise effort. Reward performance.

When I’m working, I don’t give myself a reward until after the job is finished. When I approach a task or project, I give it my very best, and no matter what the results are, I have a clear conscience. I have no problem sleeping at night. And no matter where I fail or how many mistakes I make, I don’t let it devalue my worth as a person. As the saying goes, “God uses people who fail—’cause there aren’t any other kind around.”

1. Achievers Reject Rejection Author James Allen states, “A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thought.” That’s why it’s important to make sure your thinking is on the right track.

People who don’t give up keep trying because they don’t base their self-worth on their performance. Instead, they have an internally based self-image. Rather than say, “I am a failure,” they say, “I missed that one,” or “I made a mistake.”

2. Achievers See Failure As Temporary People who personalize failure see a problem as a hole they’re permanently stuck in. But achievers see any predicament as temporary.

3. Achievers See Failures As Isolated Incidents

When achievers fail, they see it as a momentary event, not a lifelong epidemic. It’s not personal. If you want to succeed, don’t let any single incident color your view of yourself.

4. Achievers Keep Expectations Realistic The greater the feat you desire to achieve, the greater the mental preparation required for overcoming obstacles and persevering over the long haul.

It takes time, effort, and the ability to overcome setbacks. You have to approach each day with reasonable expectations and not get your feelings hurt when everything doesn’t turn out perfectly.

5. Achievers Focus on Strengths

Bob Butera, former president of the New Jersey Devils hockey team, was asked what makes a winner. He answered, “What distinguishes winners from losers is that winners concentrate at all times on what they can do, not on what they can’t do. If a guy is a great shooter but not a great skater, we tell him to think only about the shot, the shot, the shot—never about some other guy outskating him. The idea is to remember your successes.”

If a weakness is a matter of character, it needs much attention. Focus on it until you shore it up. Otherwise, the best bet for failing forward is developing and maximizing your strengths.

6. Achievers Vary Approaches to...

7. Achievers Bounce Back

Psychologist Simone Caruthers says, “Life is a series of outcomes. Sometimes the outcome is what you want. Great. Figure out what you did right. Sometimes the outcome is what you don’t want. Great. Figure out what you did so you don’t do it again.”4 That’s the key to bouncing back.

“In real life, I had two chances to get the quarterback,” says Rudy. “The first play, I didn’t get there in time. I was too anxious and didn’t execute the play. I failed.” But once again, Rudy didn’t let his failure make him a failure. He was determined to fail forward.

“I knew this was the last chance I would ever get,” he explains. “When they snapped the ball, I wasn’t worried about failing. I’d done that already, and I knew why I had failed. That’s how you eliminate that fear. You keep learning until you have the confidence to perform when you have to . . . When they snapped the ball for the last time, I put the moves I’d rehearsed in my mind on the guy over me and I got the quarterback.”

For many people the pain of failure leads to fear of failure. And they become like the person who says, “I’m too old to cry, but it hurts too much to laugh.” That’s when many people get stuck in the fear cycle. And if fear overcomes you, it’s almost impossible to fail forward.

Prior negative experiences cause the person to develop a fear of failure that starts the cycle.

The fear of rejection creates inaction. Because the person doesn’t act, he doesn’t gain personal experience in that situation—which is the key to learning and overcoming future obstacles. The lack of experience breeds an inability to handle similar situations. And that ultimately feeds and increases the fear. The longer the fear remains unchecked, the harder a person has to work to break the cycle.

fear of failure brings about absolute paralysis. They stop trying to do anything that might lead to failure.

“The worst danger we face is the danger of being paralyzed by doubts and fears. This danger is brought on by those who abandon faith and sneer at hope. It is brought on by those who spread cynicism and distrust and try to blind us to the great chance to do good for all mankind.” People whose fear paralyzes them give up any hope of moving forward.

Other people maintain the hope of progress but never get around to following through. Someone once called procrastination the fertilizer that makes difficulties grow. Victor Kiam stated it even more strongly; he called it opportunity’s natural assassin.