The Canary Cowards

by Jescie Hall

And all I want is to see my boy out there doing what he does best, inspiring the world around him, just as you inspire me.”

She gave everything so I could have the world she ultimately deserves.

With his dark, piercing gaze set on mine, I can almost see the chip right there on his shoulder.

She looks stale. If a person can look stale.

“You may know your body, Mr. Decker, but I know your injury,”

“It's best not to be ashamed of a body that heals itself with such beauty.”

This asshole has the audacity to have gunmetal blue eyes. The kind that shoot you down, catching shrapnel to the chest with every gaze.

No matter how infuriating this life we’ve been dealt can be, I love him so much. I'm his Dyl Pickle, and he's my Collie. It's just us.

The fact that she tries not to look attractive but looks like this when no one is watching is doing something strange to me. A hidden sex pot of honey.

A system in which a younger sister isn't old enough to be the legal guardian to the only person who ever understood her.

I can't help but feel a strange sense of protectiveness over the general attraction that's drowning me.

His entire aura surrounds me like a fog I can't escape, closing in on me, making it impossible to see clearly.

“One night with me would never be enough for you, Decker,”

I want to erase that feeling on my skin only he could produce.

“Please. Just please tell me I can kiss you.”

“How can you be possessive of something that isn't yours?” Because you will be mine. You just don't know it yet.

There's no way I'll be able to forget this. I've already memorized her every curve. Fallen for the taste of her lips.

But fear quickly stamps that anticipation as I eye the school bus full of children he thinks he's driving into me.

I died

He's a God. The archetype of male beauty. Who is this mythical man of perfection, and from which fucking realm did he descend?!

I can't be his prey. I won't be his conquest.

I've never felt so wanted, so valued, so needed by someone before, especially not during sex.

But what's happening between us is only stoking the fire, adding more to the coals that burn beneath.

Lake Decker made love to me. He doesn't need to fuck me. I've successfully found a way to fuck myself.

Colin's future depends on my decisions, and I totally fucked them away by being a selfish, dick-hungry whore.

My wants come last, and I've always been okay with that. I can handle it. But this is something he doesn’t know I've been aching to hold in my hands for the longest time. So small. So meaningless to most, but so meaningful to me.

“It's the not being able to kiss you that makes me want to kiss you, you see?”

This kiss is the kind you wish to never have. You feel it in places you didn't know existed.

She bent. Molded herself into whatever she had to be for us to succeed. She wouldn't have it any other way.

She gave me a taste, and now I need to swallow her whole.

He's slowly pulling me back down into his deep waters, making my ability to breathe nonexistent.

I've never had the urge, the disgusting need to kiss someone so badly in all my life, and that infuriates me.

Colin. Moments like this I treasure. Moments where he's enjoying his life to the fullest. Where his smile is so wide, I fear his face will tear.

This is what he deserves. To be embraced for who he is. Loved entirely. All the good, all the bad.

She can deny it all she wants, but I know for a fact I make her world shift, too.

“I-I'm definitely not ashamed of Colin. I'd never be. He's more normal to me than most people I meet.”

“He did really love me, but not all of me. All of me included Colin, and he hated that side.

“No, you are worthy of so much more. Because of Colin. Because of what you do for him. Your selflessness, your sacrifice.”

“You deserve to have someone who realizes how amazing you are for your endless love and protection of him, not downgrade you because of that.”

He knew how to fix me by doing nothing at all. He listened. Absorbing every wound of my past as they all opened and bled before him.

“I'm a snake charmer, Lake. It's my cross to bear.”

“You told me one night with you wouldn't be enough, and it's not. It's not even close to enough. I need more.”

Dylan has changed me. Gotten in my head. I’m a man who’s falling for someone I can’t have, and realizing that is a torment all its own.

“You can tell me these things. I want to learn more. I want to know more about you and him and what your life looks like from the inside.”

All I see is you. All I can think about is you. All I want is to be let into your little world, to be close with you, with Colin.

“Tell everyone in there I'm yours and I'll give you the world,”

“It's because I'm stale,”

“You deserve to be selfish sometimes. Even if you find yourself hating the idea.”

“If you even for a second think you're gonna run, know I'll chase you. I'll chase until you're mine,”

“It's you, D,” I groan between kisses. “It's us. It has to be.”

She's such a fucking masterpiece. A once in a lifetime woman. One I'm not sure I deserve.