Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck

by Amy Alkon

(Out of guilt, people who’ve done crappy things to you tend to treat you like you’ve done something crappy to them.)

When you’re unsure of what to say or do, there’s a really easy guideline, and it’s asking yourself, Hey, self! How would I feel if somebody did that to me?

Being around people you know doesn’t just deter rude behavior; it promotes neighborly behavior. In a small, finite community, reputation is a major concern.

Empathy is essential to the listening process—putting yourself in the other person’s shoes and then making them feel “felt,” as Goulston puts it, by letting them know that you get how they feel.

Decades of research finds that one of the fastest ways to change how you feel is to change how you behave.