Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck

by Amy Alkon

“Fantastic!” I lied—same as I would’ve if she’d asked me to come on national TV and stick my head up a horse’s ass to look for lost watches.

Many pointed the finger at the permissive parenting of kids these days—conveniently forgetting that the last driver who vigorously flipped them the bird was some wizened old man.

We’re rude because we live in societies too big for our brains.

If somebody being rude looks armed or crazy, I curse them silently and wish them a bad case of genital itching.

cellboors; they simply aren’t mindful. (This is probably true of many

In an environment where group members survive by trading food and favors, there’s a need to guard against the shifty-ass cheaters whose idea of reciprocity is give-and-take—you give; they take. To keep the two-legged rats at bay, our psychology evolved to include a cheater detection and punishment department, logging who owes what to whom and dispatching that information to the enforcement division, our emotions.

Trivers calls the rage we evolved to feel in response to an injustice “moralistic aggression” and notes that it’s often way out of proportion to the offense committed.

Although the person’s Bentley or whatever could get a boo-boo on its bumper while taking up only one space, taking two is like taping a note—“KEY ME!”—on the hood of the car. And no, I’m not suggesting that’s okay to do.