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I was drawn to him, which is why I wanted him.
“Jesus, fuck, baby. You know how to make a man lose his mind.” He blows out a sharp exhale against my swollen lips. I fist his hair tighter. “Not just any man. You
“Not just any man,” he repeats with a blinding possessiveness. “Me. Only fucking me.” “Tell me you’re mine,” I order and it’s such a low blow when he’s trapped in the cloud of lust, but I want to hear it. “I’ve been yours since I met you, baby.” He rubs his chest against mine. “I literally have the ink to prove it.”
You’re driving me fucking mental
“Since when do we use condoms?” “Not condoms. Lube. I figured you didn’t have any here.” “I didn’t think you’d come over…do you go around carrying packets of lube?” “Only when I’m going to see you.” “You’re actually thinking ahead for once.” “Gotta impress you, baby.” “Consider me impressed.” “Mmm. Your husky voice is hot as fuck.”
God, I missed him. I’m never allowing him out of my sight again. He’s mine. Mine. Fucking mine. “You’re drooling, baby. Am I that hot?” “The hottest, if you ask me.” “Jesus fucking Christ. You’re going to be the death of me today.” “Don’t die.” I spread some of the lube on his length. “I need your cock inside me.”
“The drug in me is you.”
I realize with astounding clarity that I’m not fucking him. I’m making love to him. He’s not only touching my body. He’s breaching my newly born heart and my bruised soul.
“In no particular order. The first time I made you come. The first time I sucked you off. First time I fucked you. The second time I fucked you after you were all jealous. The first time you got on your knees for me. That time you jumped me as soon as I stepped into the penthouse and demanded I fuck you. The time you agreed to stay. The time you woke me up with your lips around my cock.”
“Baby, you mean fucking everything.”
“A long time ago, I did something so fucked up and I never…forgave myself for it. Every time I look in the mirror, I see that version of me, and I can’t stand it. The need to crash and burn it flows inside me every second of every fucking day. That’s also why I stopped drawing people, animals, or anything with eyes. I feel as if they’re my own reflection from the mirror following me everywhere.” I smile with difficulty. “The only reason why I never took a shower with you is because I didn’t want you to witness that version of me whenever I look at the bathroom mirror. I’m sorry.”
“Even if you hate yourself, I’ll love you for the both of us.”
Awwww Niko.
He calms my demons in mysterious ways and I feel like I can be a lunatic and he’d still embrace me anyway.
I’m that in love with this asshole.
“Nikolai Sokolov.” He mock gasps, pretending to be offended. “Are you only using me for sex?” “Says the guy who woke me up with his lips around my cock at five in the fucking morning.” His smile drips with seduction. “Well, I had to convince you to go on a run with me.” “You don’t have to bribe me. I’d run with you anyway.” “Does that mean I have to stop waking you up that way?”
“Like fuck you’ll stop. In fact, you should use that currency some more.”
“Baby, it’s because we’re drastically different that you couldn’t stay away.”
“Besides, you let go around me, and I’m so fucking proud of that. I want you to know that you can give up control and trust that I’ll never use your vulnerabilities against you.”
I lift a shoulder. “I wanted to experience it with you. It feels like the first time. I couldn’t pass up the chance when you said you’d take me on a date.”
“I love getting naked for you.” “You love getting naked everywhere.” “Not everywhere. For you, baby.”
“Seriously, stop grinning. I don’t like sharing it with others.” “Who’s the jealous one now?” “I don’t share, Niko. Am I clear?” “One thing we have in common.”
“God. I love how you give the world the middle finger without caring about anything or anyone.”
“I can’t get enough of you, baby.”
“If you don’t remember it, that could be an early sign of dementia. I suggest you call your doctor.”
“Don’t you fucking dare say his name with your rotten mouth. You don’t mention him. You don’t talk to him, and if you see him, you walk the other fucking way or, so help me God, I will kill you. Am I clear?”
I don’t want a life without him. I can’t have a life without him.
“That’s my twin brother. My other half. You don’t get it, Dad. He…he’s my. Other. Half. And I couldn’t be there to stop him from trying to take his own fucking life. I couldn’t be there when it got to be too much. He pushed me away and I thought he hated me. All this time, I failed to realize he hates himself
The pain is so real.
“None of you would’ve known.” I speak in a voice that sounds far away even to my ears. “He made it his mission to hide behind a façade and pretend he was okay. If—when—he wakes up, you will not play this blaming game in front of him. It’ll only make him feel guilty and uncomfortable. He’s already had a lifetime of that, so you better get your fucking shit together when you see him.”
“You’re right, I couldn’t. I didn’t see it coming.” My voice chokes. “But I don’t give a fuck about you or your opinions, Landon. The only one who can be mad at me is him. Not you or anyone else.”
Its not your fault Niko.
“He asked you to stop. Countless times,” I snarl in her face. “You shut him up and took what you wanted.”
I bring out my knife first and slash her wrist so deep, blood explodes onto my face. “That’s for every drop of blood he shed over the years, for every time he looked in the mirror and hated his reflection because of you.” Landon cuts her other wrist. “This is for putting your hands on him and driving him to the fucking edge. You better wait for me in hell, bitch. I’ll fucking murder you all over again.”
Not going lie they are lethal togther.
“There’s nothing you should be sorry about. Absolutely nothing, you hear me? We’re the ones who need to apologize for letting you down.”
“I think I need help. Please help me get better.”
Awwww Bran.
“I’d kill for you, I’d shoot myself if that makes you breathe better without me shadowing you, but I’d never…ever hurt you, Bran.”
“I never hated you, Lan. I hated myself, yes, but never you.” I release a mock laugh. “You were the half I looked at whenever I needed hope. Seeing you being your unapologetic, confident anarchist self made me believe I’d eventually be okay. You gave me strength, even unknowingly, so you shouldn’t apologize. This isn’t on you, it’s on me. You couldn’t have known when I didn’t let you in. And I didn’t let anyone in.”
“I never felt happier than when you asked me to teach you empathy. I was proud that you needed me for once.” “I always needed you, idiot. I used that as an excuse to spend time with you because you’d made it your mission to avoid me for the past eight years. I fucking hated that. You were supposed to be the one who understood me best, but you turned your back on me.” “I’m sorry.” “Don’t apologize. Just…stop doing that. Give the middle finger instead. Works so much fucking better.”
“The peasant should be honored and worship at your feet for you even looking in his direction.”
“How could you try to leave me? Don’t you know I can’t live without you anymore?”
“But you’re okay with me losing you? I’m a shell without you, Bran.” He drags my hand to him and slams it against his chest. “This thing only beats for you and because of you. I used to live an aimless life where adrenaline was my god, but you came along and tamed my demons. You balance me. You complete me. You’re fucking in me. So seeing you bleeding out on the floor was no different than watching myself die. No, it was worse. I’ve never felt so scared for my life, but you…you’re my everything. How could you do that to me? To us?”
“You’re the one who’s stuck with me. There’s no one on this earth who’s able to understand and love me like you do. It’s why I gravitated toward you without even noticing. Falling for you was effortless and final. I thought I was unworthy of you, I fought myself to be with you, but it was pointless. I never loved myself the way I love you, baby.”
“I think I always have been.” “Thank you for coming back to me, baby.” “Thank you for never giving up on me, Niko.”
“You know you’re aching for it. Bran Jr. demands a meeting with Kolya.” I laugh. “You seriously need to stop giving names to dicks.” “Not all dicks. Just yours and mine.”
They’re fucking in love with you.
“I love having a special place in your life. It turns me on.”
My chuckle breaks their banter and I clear my throat. “I like that he oozes confidence, too much so sometimes. I like that he’s fiercely loyal, intensely protective, and loves with every fiber of his being. I like that he never fakes his actions or his emotions—what you see is literally what you get. But most of all, I like, no, I love that he loves me.”
“You’re the most beautiful thing on earth,” he whispers against my neck, peppering kisses there as he meets my gaze in the mirror. “I’m lucky you allowed me in your life.” Kiss. “I’m lucky you love me.” Kiss. “I’m lucky you’re letting me fight your demons with you.”
“I’m the one who’s lucky to have you, baby.”
“You had Niko’s lotus flower tattooed on your chest?” “Not on my chest.” I take his hand in mine and press it on the skin. “My heart.” “Fuck me.” “In a good or bad way?” “I fucking love you, baby.” He kisses my lips long and hard. “I can’t believe you have a tattoo.” “For you.” “For me,” he repeats with raging possessiveness.
“I told her I don’t need help because I’m in love with you.”
“Remember when you told me to tell you something in Russian?” “You said I was cute.” “No. I said ‘I can’t live without you,’ and we take that quite literally in Russia.” “Aw, Nikolai.” “Point is, I love the loving fuck out of you, baby.” “I love the loving fuck out of you, too.”
