Red, White & Royal Blue

by Casey McQuiston

“I wish I were a viscount,” June says. “I could have my sex waifs deal with my emails.” “Are sex waifs good with professional correspondence?” Alex asks.

“Anyway,” June says. “One bad thing would be, uh … well, Woody Allen’s still alive. Your turn, Alex.”

HRH Prince Dickhead You are the thistle in the tender and sensitive arse crack of my life.

oh, definitely worth it. even more worth it now. tell shaan i say hi and i miss that sweet sweet ass xoxoxo

I think he’s cute, Henry responds. that’s because you can’t hear all the menacing gobbling Yes, famously the most sinister of all animal sounds, the gobble.

yo there’s a bond marathon on and did you know your dad was a total babe HRH Prince Dickhead I BEG YOU TO NOT

“I am very, very gay.”

To paraphrase: I hope to see you put your green American money where your filthy mouth is soon. Yours in sexual frustration, Henry

“Get in there.” “Quite,” he observes. “Yes, we can unpack the ironic symbolism later. Go,”

EXPLORING YOUR SEXUALITY: HEALTHY, BUT DOES IT HAVE TO BE WITH THE PRINCE OF ENGLAND?

The phrase “see attached bibliography” is the single sexiest thing you have ever written to me.

Tho I long for the actual sunlight contact between us I miss you like a home. Shine back honey & think of me.

Well, Alex is so in love he could die.

“Stop, are you kidding me?” Alex says. “Prince Consort Road? Oh my God, take a picture of me with the sign.”

“Because I’m not like the rest of the men of this family, beginning with the fact that I am very deeply gay, Philip.”

“For what it’s worth,” he says to Philip, “that is the bravest son of a bitch I’ve ever met.”

“I’ve been gay as a maypole since the day I came out of Mum, Philip.”