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for the weirdos & the dreamers
RULE #1: DON’T GET CAUGHT
“What?” she says. “I want to be prepared for my first-ever royal wedding.” “You went to prom, didn’t you?” Alex says. “Just picture that, only in hell, and you have to be really nice about it.”
“As your mother, I can appreciate that maybe this isn’t your fault, but as the president, all I want is to have the CIA fake your death and ride the dead-kid sympathy into a second term.”
“Both sides need to come out of this looking good, and the only way to do that is to make it look like your little slap-fight at the wedding was some homoerotic frat bro mishap, okay?
This seems … excessive, like the kind of paperwork you get from some perverted millionaire who wants to hunt you for sport.
Whatever, fine. Henry is annoyingly attractive. That’s always been a thing, objectively. It’s fine.
You are the thistle in the tender and sensitive arse crack of my life.
yo there’s a bond marathon on and did you know your dad was a total babe HRH Prince Dickhead I BEG YOU TO NOT
Sometimes when you get too isolated, you start to go a little crazy. Remember last year when Nora and I were both out of the country for a week, and you almost got a tattoo?”
“Christ, you are as thick as it gets,” he says, and he grabs Alex’s face in both hands and kisses him.
Straight people, he thinks, probably don’t spend this much time convincing themselves they’re straight.
“And then you are going to come to the East Bedroom on the second floor at eleven o’clock tonight, and I am going to do very bad things to you, and if you fucking ghost me again, I’m going to get you put on a fucking no-fly list. Got it?”
In an instant of sudden, vivid clarity, he can’t believe he ever thought he was straight.
Are you trying to get fresh with me? Regards, Handsome Royal Heretic
the fact that Bram Stoker was gay as the day is long, and that Dracula is essentially a work of queer erotica.
“I miss you,” Alex says before he can stop himself. He instantly regrets it, but Henry says, “I miss you too.”
The phrase “see attached bibliography” is the single sexiest thing you have ever written to me.
Should I tell you that when we’re apart, your body comes back to me in dreams? That when I sleep, I see you, the dip of your waist, the freckle above your hip, and when I wake up in the morning, it feels like I’ve just been with you, the phantom touch of your hand on the back of my neck fresh and not imagined? That I can feel your skin against mine, and it makes every bone in my body ache? That, for a few moments, I can hold my breath and be back there with you, in a dream, in a thousand rooms, nowhere at all?
Tho I long for the actual sunlight contact between us I miss you like a home. Shine back honey & think of me.
With me it is quite stark: I miss you even more than I could have believed; and I was prepared to miss you a good deal.
Please do keep me in your—what is it American politicians say?—thoughts and prayers.
You and me and history, remember? We’re just gonna fucking fight. Because you’re it, okay? I’m never gonna love anybody in the world like I love you. So, I promise you, one day we’ll be able to just be, and fuck everyone else.”
WORLDWIDE SUPPORT POURS IN FOR PRINCE HENRY AND FIRST SON OF US.
love is indomitable. America has always believed this.
