Just for the Summer (Part of Your World, #3)

by Abby Jimenez

She rubbed her thumb tenderly on my cheek, and there was a very real part of me that would have gotten sick all over again for that one touch alone.

What a simp 😂😍

She glanced at me. “What if you die? Can I have your dog?” “Only if you promise to never change his name,” I rasped.

“Really?” I grinned. “You don’t feel like an apparition to me…” I said, referring to the boner pressing into my hip.

😂😂😂😂😂😂

He didn’t answer for a long moment. When he did, he did it with his eyes closed. “All I ever think about is you.”

😭😭😭

I tried to imagine living here, I really did—signing a lease on an apartment. Getting a permanent position. Living in the same place for all the seasons. Making friends, growing roots. But the thoughts terrified me. Why? Why did anything with strings make me want to run?

And then I knew. I knew why it was scary. Because I would want to live with them. I would want to make those kids mine. Staying meant I would fall in love. I’d fall in love with this place. With him and his family. And that I didn’t do. My lack of permanence was my protection. I left people and places, so I didn’t have to play. If I didn’t play, I couldn’t lose. But if I left Justin, I would lose anyway.

I’d been more affected by my upbringing than I’d been willing to admit.

YES OBVIOUSLY!

He was always going to be this for me. And now we were in a kiss that was more than a kiss, and I didn’t want him to kiss anyone else. Ever. I didn’t want to be kissed by anyone else. Ever.

I was made to experience him.

This wasn’t like anything I’d ever known. I wanted him to hold me after. To wake up with me in the morning and eat cereal in my bed while we watched TV. I wanted to see his pajamas on Christmas morning and find out what he looked like with birthday candles lighting his face and snow in his hair.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I felt full of cracks all of a sudden. Deep, long, jagged cracks. And they’d always been there. I’d just learned to live with them so long I no longer noticed them. I’d hopped over them and built little bridges and taken other routes, but I never filled them. I never fixed them. I didn’t even know how.

It was about love. I was falling in love.

He paused. “I like you more than like.” We held each other’s gaze. “I like you more than like too,” I said quietly.

SAY IT! 😭

“Heeey, Justin.” She gave me a Cheshire Cat grin.

😂😂😂

“We basically spent the whole time barfing,” I said. “Well. Not the whole time.”

😏😏😏

I pulled my shirt over my head. “This was great, Emma. I really enjoyed our time together. When can I vomit with you again?”

😂

She felt stiff. “I’ll get back to you.”

Goddammit, Emma.

“I was wondering if you wanted some company,” she said. I raised my head. “Huh?” “I’m outside.”

FUCK YES!

“We’ll try it,” she said, into the phone. “I’ll stay.”

STFU!!!! Son of a bitch... I'm only 73% through the book 😭

Something was starting to shift inside of me with Mom. Maybe because I hadn’t spent this much time adjacent to her in almost fifteen years, but I was realizing that even though I loved her, I wasn’t sure I liked her.

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

She never replied to any of my texts from the days I was sick. Didn’t return one call. Never circled back to check on me.

Wow. I'm shocked...

He made my lunch every day—enormous, chaotic bags of snacks and sandwiches. He always made one for Maddy too.

😍😍😍

He turned and his little sister blinked at me through tears. Then she outstretched her arms and reached, opening and closing her fists. My heart melted.

😭😍

Sarah was eyeing me from across the table. “We know you stay the night.”

😂😂😂

I liked taking care of him and his family.

😍

I’d planted the rosebush in his front yard and I liked seeing that too.

💜💜💜💜💜

“Your mother has lost her mind! You have fifteen minutes to get here before I call the police!”

Jesus christ...

I hadn’t seen her in weeks. She’d made zero effort to see me and I was so busy with Justin I decided not to care. But now I realized my mistake.

NO EMMA!!

“He accused me of stealing.”

Guilt overcame me. I hadn’t been here. If I had, I would have seen she was struggling again. I could have gotten ahead of it. I could have saved him the grief.

😭

Maddy was right, I should have warned him.

😬😬😬

For all the long nights Maria said she’d worked on it, the rose wall wasn’t even half done. It looked like Mom had painted over it and started again and the restart was sloppy. The herbs Mom had brought home all those weeks ago from the farmers’ market were crispy on the windowsill. The house was full of decaying flowers. Vase after vase.

😳😳😳

“She’s a spiritual advisor, and she’s helped me more than any doctor I’ve ever seen.”

Oh Amber...

“I want you to know that your empathy is beautiful, Emma. I hope you never lose that. I do hope that one day you get some boundaries though.”

“You cannot keep caring about her more than you care about yourself.”

Amber felt like a curse.

It wasn’t lost on me that Maddy pushed me to go with him instead of staying with her. She would never let someone else take care of me unless she was sure they could do it. And he could.

And Maddy was right about something else too—I did care more about Amber than I cared about myself. I needed to think about that. I had to unpack this situation with my mother. I didn’t like the way I was living or the responsibility I’d assumed for her.

GO.TO. THERAPY.

I couldn’t leave her in the world with no one. Even if she could do that to me.

💔

It was Stuffie. He’d been cleaned and his eye sewn back on. His fur was brushed out and white again. His stuffing had been replaced, and he had a new mane. He looked like he used to.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

“You’re not asking too much,” he said. “You were just asking the wrong person. Ask me instead.”

“You can’t help someone unless they want to be helped,” Justin said.

Ain't that the truth.

My whole life I was waiting for her to come back for me. And when she finally did, it wouldn’t be for me at all. It would be for lack of other options. It would be for her.

And under it: Half Brother, on your mother’s side.

Oh shit...

With every name, my heart pounded harder.

WTF...

“Of course I’ve talked to her. She came down a couple times a year.”

Oh no...

“But… she said her parents were dead by the time I was born. They couldn’t have raised you,” I said.

Oh shit..

“Our grandparents died when I was twenty-three,” Daniel said. “Eight years ago.”

Oh fuck.....

I had a brother. A brother she saw, a brother she talked to. Parents she’d visited. Sisters. Nieces and nephews. And she’d hidden them from me. She’d hidden me from them…

😭💔😭💔😭💔😭💔

Justin blinked at Alexis. “I know you. You’re Briana’s friend.”

My jaw dropped so hard it literally popped... Its been too long since I read Part of Your World. I can't believe I didn't pick up on this sooner omg...