Just for the Summer (Part of Your World, #3)

by Abby Jimenez

First the outfit built for a 37 year old millennial and now she’s waiting for her curlers to set??

“Why not forgive? In a world where you can choose anger or empathy, always choose empathy, Justin.

Sometimes the best way to show love or be kind to someone is to meet them where they are.”

“You know how when something bad happens to someone you love, and you wish you could take it from them instead?” “Yeah.” “What if the universe listened? What if you or your mom or the kids were supposed to die in a car crash and your dad said ‘Take me instead’—and the universe did. And nobody remembers the way it was supposed to be because that’s the deal. You never get to know that he’s a hero. The fates are reversed and the tribute takes the thing he asked for to save someone he loves. If you think of it that way, instead of being sad that he’s gone, be happy that he got what he wanted. And that somebody loved you enough to take your place.”

It was like there was no peaceful place to exist, no emotional safe space. I could have chaos, or I could have worry. I could be in the tornado, or I could be in the eye. But I could never be out of the storm. It was so, so exhausting to live this way and I had always lived this way because when it came to my mother, I didn’t know how to not care.

Justin plucked the carrot out of my glass and tossed it in a bush.

He peered over at her. “You said you haven’t seen her in almost two years?” “Yeah.” “Weird she isn’t spending more time with you.” The tiniest twinge of… I don’t know what… pecked at me. Hurt? Jealousy maybe? Embarrassment that Justin noticed this—all three? A part of me wished she hadn’t met Neil so I could have more of her attention. But there was another part of me that was glad she had a distraction. That I wasn’t going to have to entertain her or be fully responsible for her while she was here.

My phone vibrated, and I pulled it out to look at it. I couldn’t help but note that the thought that it might be Mom made me feel preemptively exhausted.

She gawked. “You’re pissed at me?” “Yeah, I am.” I shook my head at her. “I am so tired of this, Maddy.” “Then be mad at her! Not at me for pointing her shit out!” “You think I don’t know?! You think I don’t fucking see that something is wrong with her?”

So I became an island—and the island is small. I don’t need anyone. And I know that sounds sort of terrible, but it’s actually comforting to know that I have this ability to need no one. It feels like a superpower. Like I’m untouchable.”

And I know that it hurts people, but it’s just who I am. And it makes me feel like a horrible person.”

“Be glad you don’t get it. It means your life has been a lot gentler than hers.”

“Unhealed trauma is a crack. And all the little hard things that trickle into it that would have rolled off someone else, settle. Then when life gets cold, that crack gets bigger, longer, deeper. It makes new breaks.

She shrugged. “You don’t have to forgive her. You really don’t. You can still love someone that you’ve decided not to speak to anymore. You can still wish them well and hope for the best for them. Choosing a life without them doesn’t mean you stop caring about them. It just means that you can’t allow them to harm you anymore.

But if you don’t think your life would be better without them in it, then accept that they have cracks.

It was weird how normal today felt against the tectonic shift that would take place twenty-four hours from now.

“I do love Trader Joe’s,” I said, smiling at the bag. “Nothing like a grocery store that makes you have to visit another grocery store right after.”

But it wasn’t the slight that hurt. It was the loss of hope.

Not everything that comes out of crisis is bad. Sometimes your traumas are the reason you know how to help.

“You’re not asking too much,” he said. “You were just asking the wrong person. Ask me instead.”

because leaving was always in me. I was going to do it one day, I think I always knew that.

But I was too disconnected to feel anything other than the void and I was too grateful for the void to want it to stop.