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“It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.” Confucius
Life is too short to waste precious time on people who don’t appreciate and value you—family or not.
“If you think for a second that I don’t have all the time in the world for you, then you’ve got me all wrong.”
Yeah, it’s worth it. She is so fucking worth it.
“You can do this. There’s a life waiting for you on the other side of this wall, and I’ll be damned if I don’t do everything I can to put you on that side of it.” Chest heaving, tone grave, he lifted his head back up. “Please, you have to try.”
“I’m t-trying to fly, but…” “I’ll be your wings,” he says, smoothing back my hair, his chin pressed to the top of my head. “You don’t have to save yourself this time. You’re not alone anymore.”
Gabe slowly drops his forehead to mine, nearly every part of us touching. My heart fumbles in my chest. I feel whole, weightless, free of nightmares. I feel like I could fly.
He holds me tighter and repeats in a fraught tone, “You’re safe.”
“Don’t ever apologize for coming to see me,” he finally says, an easy smile pulling at his mouth. “You can always land here.”
Tabitha Elise Brighton—the girl who loves road trips, wild-cherry pie, mockingbirds, and boys with crooked smiles and arms that feel like home.
His arms squeeze, holding all of my broken pieces together. And suddenly, the stars don’t seem so far away anymore.
“Must be why you’re such a softie,” she teases. Her finger pokes out to jab me in the bicep. “Hey, I resent that.” “You shouldn’t.” Tabitha’s gaze softens, her finger falling from my arm. “It’s my favorite thing about you. Your heart.”
The name makes me think of the biblical Gabriel, a messenger, the bearer of good news and hopeful visions. An angel. Angels have wings. Perhaps that’s the reason he makes me feel like I can fly.
He’d looked at me like he was staring at some prized piece of art hanging in a gallery. Awe-struck.
He pulls me back down, his arm curling around my middle and tugging gently as he presses a kiss to my hair. “You’re safe. You’ll always be safe when I’m with you.”
Tabitha’s voice pitches with a range I’ve never heard before; one octave above pure joy. It’s a defibrillator paddle to my heart, and it’s enough to distract me long enough to forget about Oliver’s text.
The hat practically swallows her whole, but I saw the way her eyes lit up when she spotted it at a seaside boutique, making it the easiest forty dollars I’ve ever shelled out.
She’s already paying me back plus interest right now, just in the way her smile glows brighter than the Ferris wheel lights. She looks so goddamn free.
But it's us. Implicitly, perfectly flawed.
“Gabe?” I glance at her, memorizing her euphoric smile. “Tabs.” “Thanks for flying with me today.” Fuck.
I’m killing him. And he’s bringing me back to life. Somewhere between the two, the perfect balance must exist.
Somehow, two words come to mind. “Tabula Rasa.” It means “clean slate.” It’s a redo. A fresh start.
He has no idea that I said my true safe-word; I’ve said it thousands of times. One syllable of solace. Four letters of sweet relief. A safe place to land when my wings get tired. Gabe. His name is my safe-word. He’s my solid ground.
He drags both hands up my thighs, curling them around my waist. Giving me a squeeze, he murmurs on a wrought breath, “You’re all I thought about. All I saw.”
“I was lying on my driveway, hardly conscious, and all I could think about was you.” His hips arch up, grinding into me. “I’m so fucking crazy about you.” A groan rumbles through him, through us both. “I’d do anything for you.”
He grabs my face between his hands, forcing me to look at him. “You’ve got it all mixed up, Tabs,” he tells me, our eyes locking together as his thumbs stroke the sensitive skin below my ears. “With you in the world, how can there be anyone else?”
I don’t need music to lull me to sleep. I don’t need anything other than this. His arms around me. His beating heart. His warm breath feathering along my hairline. I’ve never felt more cherished. More loved. More safe. I’m finally flying.
“The point is, it doesn’t matter how you survived. All that matters is that you did. That’s what counts.”
“You. Are. Here. Hope is here. And every life you’ve changed, every person you’ve touched because you’re here? That’s where you find your healing. It’s not back there. It’s not in that basement,” I tell her. “It’s right now. It’s right here.”
“You love me.” A smile blooms, pulling at my lips, pulling at my heartstrings. I’m smiling so hard, my jaw aches. “That’s what I heard.”
“Give me the sun and the moon.” I press a kiss to her hairline. “Hand me the sea.” A kiss to her forehead, to her tear-streaked cheek. “Steal every star from the fucking sky…and I still have nothing.”
I place a final kiss to her mouth before inching back and whispering, “You’re my everything, Tabs. Without you, I have nothing.”
“I’ll take your leftover pieces. I’ll cherish those pieces. And I’ll spend my whole damn life doing everything in my power to make your heart whole again.”
My hands cup the back of her head, fingers grazing her scalp. “I’ve got you, baby,” I murmur. “Always.”
“Tabs, I want you to know…” I wait for her eyes to meet mine before I continue because this is important. When her gaze cuts back to me and holds steady, I tell her, “I’ll never expect you to love him less, okay?”
“I’ll never ask you to choose. I’ll never tell you to let him go.” I cup her cheek, hoping she feels my truth, because it is the truth. “Love’s not a competition, and it’s not always singular. I don’t care what the books say, or what society tells us. Don’t ever feel guilty for sharing your heart. You said it like it was a bad thing, but it’s not, baby. It’s not. It’s a beautiful thing.”
“Honestly, I’m not sure what compelled me to put it on that day…but I did.” I waited. I waited in the shadows, hoping his next words brought me light. “I put it on…and then you walked into my classroom.”
“I’m here, Tabs. I’m right here.” A shaky breath skims her lips, warming my skin. “You could have been killed.” “Nah,” I murmur, a smile hinting. “I’m immortal, superhuman. Death-defying.”
“By the way,” I whisper, smoothing back her hair. “I would, you know.” She lifts up. Her gaze darts across my face before she blinks down at me. “You would what?” “Die for you.”
“Gabe,” she says, hardly keeping the sob in her throat. “I don’t want someone who kills for me. I don’t want someone who dies for me.” Swallowing the emotion, she raises both palms and clasps my face. “I just want someone who will live for me.”
And then I realize… That’s really what it’s all about, isn’t it? Living. Truly living. That’s what love is.
And I think we forget sometimes, the whole point of it all. We forget the beauty of living while we’re still alive.
Smiling wide, she reaches for my hand and laces our fingers together. “We found our heroes,” she whispers. “Our lifelines.”
I drop to one knee in front of her, my hands grazing up her thighs and curling around her hips. I press a kiss to the scar above her belly. “Marry me, Tabs. Be my wife. For real…forever.”
“I love you, baby. So much. I’ll get you a real ring, a better ring, I promise. I just needed to know, right this fucking minute, that you’re never going away. You’re here, you’re mine. I need you by my side, in my arms, until I take my last breath.”
“Life is a curious thing. Only a fraction of it lies within what it throws at us, while the greater part is determined by our responses to those things. It’s in how we react, cope, and ultimately, how we rise above.”
“I would have waited forever for you,” I say, pressing a kiss to her temple. “Even if you never loved me back, I would have waited, and I never would have regretted a single second of it.” She looks up at me, sunlight glimmering in her eyes, erasing every shadow. Then she leans in, kisses my jaw, and whispers back, “To rank the effort above the prize may be called love.”
Hope is excited to watch us land while she waits eagerly along with her baby sister—our eight-month-old daughter, Faith. Faith Hadley Kent. The name was chosen to match the initials carved into my skin, transforming the ugliest part of me into my favorite part of me. I turned a flaw into something beautiful.
“I think, sometimes, the things that frighten us become more bearable when you don’t have to face them alone.” Matthew’s words have been on my mind all day, giving me strength. Making me brave.
I wanted to fly among the stars.
