More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
I reach up to undo the clasp, my eyes glued to the ring I’ve been wearing on my chest every day since the day I took it.
“I hate myself for what I did to her, Nate. I know it’s my fault she’s gone. I didn’t quit the drugs because I wanted to turn my life around after she died. I did it because they make me feel…” “What?!” he shouts, making me jump again. “Nothing,” I choke out, sniffing as a stray tear falls over my cheek. “They make me feel nothing, okay? Not doing them makes me feel it all. All the pain and the guilt and the fucking misery. I’m sober because I deserve it. Because it hurts more.”
“You still hate yourself?” He nods, chewing the inside of his cheek. “Good,” I whisper, feeling him tense beneath me. I tighten my fist in his hair and yank his head back, my mouth pressed against the hard line of his jaw. “Now get the fuck out.”
I told myself I only did that because she reminded me of Katy, but that’s not exactly true. She reminded me of Xavi more.
“Fuck, baby, you look so pretty,” I whisper, possessively grazing my thumb over the hickey beneath his ear. “You look like mine.” “Don’t,” he pleads, and I cock my head, watching him look up at me with sad eyes and a fragile heart. “Don’t make me fall for you.”
“Don’t shower tonight.” “Why?” I take his chin between my thumb and forefinger, pulling him in and speaking over his lips. “I wanna go to bed knowing you’re sleeping in our cum.”
“I thought you said you couldn’t feel anything.” “I lied,” he mumbles against my collarbone, and it’s only now I realize he’s looking at Katy’s headstone beside us. “Everything hurts, Nate,” he chokes out.
“I wanna spit in your mouth. Get it all wet and fuck that little tongue ring with my dick.” “That’s disgusting.” “You like it?” I nod, wishing he could do it right now.
I don’t think I’m lying to myself when I realize I don’t want it. I don’t. I’ve got something even better right here on top of me. He’s just as addictive as any drug I’ve ever taken, just as destructive and dangerous to my health.
I find the chain around his neck. Without thinking, I yank on it and wrap the excess around my fist. He’s on me in a flash, his nose touching mine as he holds himself up on his hands. “If you break that,” he says calmly, “I’ll strangle you with it and shove the ring down your throat.”
“Ride it, baby. Hold me still and push your ass back into my face.”
“I hate you,” I grit out. “I hate you so fucking much.” “I know, baby,” he whispers, and I whine pathetically.
“It doesn’t matter how hot you are or how good you are at taking my dick, party boy. You’re still the reason my sister is dead.”
“Whenever and wherever and however I want you, you’re mine.” “And when you don’t want me? What am I then?” He shrugs like it should be obvious. “Nothing.”
I crawl into bed, pull the blanket up over my head, and silently cry myself to sleep, just like I do every time he fucks me.
“I thought he hated you.” “He does hate me.” “So, what, you just let him chew you up and spit you back out whenever he feels like it? Like you’re his bitch?”
“Take all your clothes off,” he says, crossing his arms over his body to peel off his wet hoodie and shirt. “I’ll make sure no one sees you.” “I don’t care if anyone sees my naked ass, Nate.” “Maybe not, but I do,” he stresses, and I pause.
At one second to midnight, he blows his candle out, and at one second past midnight, I blow mine out, signaling the end of Katy’s birthday and the beginning of mine.
Um that's fucking adorable
“Happy birthday, Xav,” he says softly.
“Why did you spend the day with me, Nate?” “Because I wanted to.” “Why?” He hesitates before he admits, “Because I didn’t wanna be alone.” I pause when he says that, and he snatches my waist again, forcing me to keep moving. “I didn’t want you to be alone. Not today.”
“Just get the fuck out of my face.” “Nate, please—” “Get out, Xavi.” —don’t kick me out.
“Shut up, Carter,” I mutter, gripping the t-shirt around my neck while I watch my boy go.
MY BOY
sobrietyandbooks and 1 other person liked this
Katy’s handwriting was a disaster even on good days, but I’ve read this so many times that I can make it out just fine. I licked it so it’s mine. Smiling a little, I toss the picture back into the box and gently set the lid on top. “Too bad, little sister,” I whisper. “He’s mine now.”
I kiss him, and he whimpers, opening his mouth and offering me his tongue. He’s not supposed to give it to me until it’s fully healed, but I still take it, teasing just the tip and the edges with mine, careful not to touch his piercing.
“I changed my mind.” “About what?” “I don’t wanna go out,” he says quickly, his hands shaking as he tries to unbutton my jeans. “I wanna stay here with you. Fuck me right here. Please.”
“If you even try to make me jealous tonight, I’ll fuck you so hard and for so long, you’ll never want dick again by the time I’m done with you.” “I’m not gonna try to make you jealous.” His arms come around my neck, his breath tickling my jaw. “I’m not trying to make you mad, Nate. I just wanted to look good for you.”
“You look so good, baby,” I rasp, cupping his face to study the eyeliner he’s wearing. “So pretty.”
Carter looking up at us as he dances with some pretty, dark-haired boy who looks a lot like Xavi from a distance. I glare, and Carter grins, the fucker.
Carter is very sllooowwwwlyyy growing on me
“Baby…” “Hm?” “What have you got in your ass?” “A plug.” I curse, and he grins proudly, his eyes closing as he continues dancing against me. “You’re such a slut.”
“I don’t know. I was blindfolded.” Jesus Christ. “Wait, why were you…?” And then it hits me. He’s doing it all blind. Fuck. There’s something wrong with my heart.
“You want it?” he asks, moving his mouth around to my ear as he works on my zipper. “I’m an addict, Nate,” I rasp. “I need it.”
“I want to mean something to you,” I admit. “Anything. I want you to remember me after you decide you’re done with me and kick me out of your life for good. I wanna ruin you so bad that it’s me you’ll think about every time you’re fucking the person you really wanna be with.”
“I don’t have a praise kink.” “You’ve got a degradation kink too,” he adds, and I pull my head back, scrunching my nose. “I do not.” “If you say so,” he mutters, moving back up to his knees and slowly stroking his own cock. “Be a good little whore and show me what’s mine.” The flash of heat in my eyes makes him smirk.
I wish I could stay here forever. Be his forever.
“Jesus Christ. Just fuck me like you hate me.” “I do hate you.” “Then stop pretending you don’t!”
“You said I could take whatever I want, remember?” “Not that,” I grit out. His lips twitch as he slides his hand over my chest, over the organ beating wildly beneath his touch. “I want it, Xavi.” “You’re not getting it.” “You’re gonna give it to me anyway,” he teases, pulling my mouth up to meet his.
Fuck him. Fuck him so hard for doing this to me. And fuck me for letting him.
“Good boy,” he says, and fuck me, maybe I do have a praise kink.
No way???
“Why don’t you wear makeup anymore?” “What?” “I like it when you wear it,” he says, swiping his thumbs over the black smudges beneath my eyes. “It’s sexy when it runs down your face like this.”
“I don’t fuck you because I like you. I fuck you because you’re easy.” “I’m not that easy.” I keep playing, smirking as I lean up on my forearms and tease his mouth with mine. “It took you five years to get inside me.” “Baby, I could have had you in five minutes if I wanted you.”
“Have you fucked a girl before?” I nod, already anticipating his next question, trying not to laugh as I wait for his mind to catch up. He searches my gaze, then blinks, quickly wrapping his hand around my neck, the butterfly pendant digging into my throat with his tight grip. There it is. “If you fucked my little sister, I will kill you right now.”
I didn’t realize I was gay until the first time you touched me.”
“Am I your drug now, party boy?” he asks. I nod, unashamed as I finger myself and push his cum back into my ass.
“Who do you think it is?” he grumbles against my skin, looking up at me as he drops his voice to a whisper. “Come before he hangs up or don’t come at all. I’ve got shit to do.”
“Baby, he’s balls deep in love with you and he hates you for it. That’s why he’s treating you like shit. That’s probably why he’s always treated you like shit.”
From the way the water keeps splashing over the side, I think Nate’s drowning him repeatedly, but he doesn’t once take his eyes off me.
Literal toddlers
I pull his head up by the back of his neck, teasing his lips with mine. “Spit in my mouth again.” He does, and I sit up straight, letting it drip onto my dick before I use it to jerk myself off.
I woke up this morning to find him wrapped around me like a blanket, his legs tangled with mine, his head on my shoulder and his messy hair covering his face. I moved it out of the way, and he smiled in his sleep, more content than I’ve ever seen him. He looked beautiful like that, and it pissed me off, so I turned him over, woke him up with my tongue in his ass, and then fucked him from behind until he was screaming my name.
“I think he’s full of shit. I think he’s gonna snatch you up someday and he’s gonna love you just as much as I do. More than I do,” she corrects, pouting as she lifts her hand and presses her thumb and forefinger together. “Just a little, teeny tiny bit more.” “Are you done?” “I think you’re gonna flip his world upside down and there'll be nothing he can do to stop it.”
