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“You know what?” She laughs bitterly, backing up a few steps. “I thought it was hot at first but I was wrong. What you’re doing to that boy is sick.”
I think you’re gonna flip his world upside down and there'll be nothing he can do to stop it. Swallowing, I reach out and grab Katy’s list off my nightstand, feeling myself crumble while I read what she wrote at the bottom of the page. She knew. She always fucking knew.
“Nate…” he says again. “Don’t go,” I rasp, damn near pleading. “I need it.” “It.” “You,” I amend, sucking his lip into my mouth. “I need you, baby.”
“What, did you think I was gonna find out you’ve been in love with me for years, hear you cry and run after you to tell you I love you too?” “Something like that,” he mutters, and I shake my head. “That’s never gonna happen.”
He looks so sad and broken, and it hits me then that this is exactly what I wanted. I have his fragile little heart in the palm of my hand, I just need to crush it. And even though there’s something inside me screaming at me not to, that’s exactly what I do. “I don’t love you, party boy,” I say, channeling every ounce of hate I have left.
“I’m done,” he tells me, grabbing Katy’s list off my nightstand and sliding it into his back pocket. “With what?” “You,” he answers, his voice just as empty as the vacant look on his face. “You win, Nate. I hate you just as much as you hate me.”
“Xavi, if you walk out that door—” It closes behind him, and I startle, frowning at it while I wait for him to come back. He doesn’t come back.
Xavi finally found his spine and I finally found some respect for him
“This is what you wanted, right? Can I leave now that I’ve paid my debt?” His stoic face doesn’t give anything away, but I don’t miss the slight twitch of his fingers at his side. For a moment, I think he might try to stop me, but he doesn’t. Shaking my head, I adjust the strap on my shoulder and unlock the front door. “Xavi.” “Fuck you, Carter,” I choke out, tossing my key on the side table before I close the door behind me.
His textbooks, his makeup, Frankie’s butterfly choker, the box of pictures I gave him for his birthday. Everything but the two hoodies I gave him… It’s all gone. He’s gone.
“I lost him.” Carter nods, then shrugs. “So? He’s a piece of ass, Nate.”
“You know me better than anyone and now you’re acting like he’s nothing to me.” He frowns at me over his shoulder, looking genuinely confused, his face smushed up against the mirror. “If he’s not nothing, then what is he?” “He’s everything, you idiot,” I blurt out, blinking at my reflection as soon as the words leave my lips.
It used to feel good, lifting him up just to tear him back down. I felt entitled to his pain, but now, it just makes me feel like I want to die. Every time I think about that vacant look in his eyes, it makes me want to rip my own heart out and give it to him.
Devin breathes a shaky laugh, his gaze sliding up over Nate’s form. “You wanna know why they look so guilty right now? Ask them what I did to your sister before she died. Ask them why Xavi tried to kill himself four months ago.”
“I didn’t come out here in the middle of the night to watch you kill yourself.” “What do you care?” “I don’t!” he yells, shoving me into the passenger seat of his car. “But I know someone who does, and he’ll kill me if I let you die out here.”
“He’s mine,” I tell him, not even bothering to lower my voice. “He’s always been mine. Even when you thought he was yours, it was always me he was thinking about. Every fucking time.” His lip curls, and he tries to spit at me, so I grab the little cockroach by his jaw and force his mouth shut. “If I ever hear your name from my boy’s lips again, I’ll make you wish you’d never met him.”
“What are you doing?!” “Taking you home.” “Where’s home, Nate?” he bites out, throwing back the same question I asked him not so long ago. Holding his wrists with both hands, I move closer until my chest is flush against his, placing his warm hands on both sides of my neck. “It’s wherever I am, Xav.”
“You’re not pissed at me?” “Baby, I’ve never wanted to hit you more.” “Why?” “Because you went to him,” I growl, jerking my head at Devin’s door.
You tried to kill yourself and y—” I struggle to speak around the lump in my throat. “Why didn’t you call me?” He frowns at that. “You wouldn’t have come.”
“Nate, stop.” “Why? What’s wrong?” “If you’re playing with me…” “I’m not. I…” I pause. “I want you to be mine. For real this time. We can be for real.”
“What do you want? I’ll do anything.” “Say you love me.” My hand pauses on his cheek, and I cock my head at him in exasperation, fighting my natural instinct to show the disgust on my face. “Anything but that.”
“Jesus Christ. I love you, okay?” I damn near shout, pushing him down on his back and crawling on top of him. “I hate myself for it but I fucking love you.”
“I didn’t realize before you left last night but I…I’m not letting you go. I can’t do it. The thought of you walking away from me for good, finding some other guy and being with him instead of me…”
“You’re a little crazy, you know that?” “You make me crazy,” I admit, dropping my lips to his while I tug on the button of his jeans. “What are you doing?” “Making you mine again.”
“I love you,” I groan into his mouth, hooking his legs around my waist. “But if you tell anyone everything I just said to you, I’ll beat your ass.”
I take the chain off and open the clasp before I drop the ring into my palm. Taking his right hand, I slide it onto his middle finger where he used to wear it. “Nate, what…?” “It’s yours, baby,” I say, running my finger over my number. “I’m yours.”
“Keep fucking me. I want it to hurt every time I move. I want you to know I can feel you inside me while I’m watching you play tomorrow night.”
“I would have come,” I finally say, my lips brushing the damp hair at the nape of his neck. Silence follows, but I know he heard me because he’s stopped breathing. “I know you probably don’t believe me, but it’s the truth. I would have come for you, Xav.”
Xavi Did you take my keys? Nate Yes. Annoyed, I toss the bag I’ve been searching on the floor and sit down on his bed, texting him again. Xavi You could give me a little more than that. Nate Yes, baby.
Xavi How am I supposed to get to the game? Nate Frankie’s bringing you. You’re sitting with her. Xavi Frankie sits in the front row. Nate I know. No more hiding from me, Xav. I need to see you.
Xavi Okay. Are you worried I’m gonna leave? Nate Not when I have your keys.
When Nate’s eyes find mine, he stops jogging and visibly relaxes, his hand moving up to his head to mimic something I can’t make out. I need to see you. Realizing what he wants, I drop my hood down and scrub my fingers through my hair. He smiles a little before he looks down, bounces the ball, and carries on doing his thing.
Cute
Nate Wait for me. I’ll take you to see Katy.
<33333
Baby boy
The fact that Nate has Xavi saved as Baby Boy is everything to me
“If the NBA tells me it’s him or them, I’m choosing him.” “That’s a mistake,” Xavi’s dad says bluntly. “No, it’s not.” Bringing Xavi in front of me, I turn him to face me, his back to them while I take his face in both hands, looking my boy dead in the eye while I say, “The mistake would be listening to you guys and losing the one person I can’t live without.”
“I love you,” he finally says. “I’ve always loved you.” “I know,” I tease, brushing my lips against his. “I just wanted to hear you say it to me.”
“Ugh.” Frankie scoffs, scrunching her nose at us in disgust. “I’m so jealous.”
Frankie is me
“You still want it rough?” he asks, coaxing my mouth open with his tongue. “No,” I breathe out. “Fuck me like you love me.”
“You worried it’s gonna hurt?” I ask, glancing over when I catch him playing with his ring. He nods, then shakes his head, his gaze dropping to the list he’s holding. “I’m worried it’s gonna be over.”
“She knows you’ll always love her, Xav. She knows you’re the only person in the world who would have done all this for her,” I add, tapping the piece of paper on his lap.
Still smiling, he draws a line through the three words Katy wrote at the bottom of her list. Nate and Xavi <3
