Funny Story

by Emily Henry

“I fell in love with Daphne the moment I looked up from her hat,” he’d say, no mention of the trash-noodles in my hair. When he asked if I was okay, I said, “Did I kill a bicyclist?” He thought I’d hit my head. (Nope, just bad at first impressions.)

Oh she's quirky

From the next room, Jamie O’Neal’s rendition of “All By Myself” plays loudly enough to make the coffee table shiver. My next-door neighbor, Mr. Dorner, pounds on the wall.

Awww and she only thinks of herself!

Petra is also a stoner without a college degree, but I guess it’s different when you’re a perfect ten with a picturesque family and well-padded bank account. Then you’re not a stoner; you’re a free spirit.

Lol sad but she has a point

“Things go smoother if you don’t let people get a rise out of you,” he says. “If you give them control over how you feel, they’ll always use it.” “Finally, I see your cynical side,” I say. He smiles, but his jaw is tight, and the smile doesn’t reach his eyes. “It’s not cynical. If you don’t give other people responsibility for your feelings, you can have a decent relationship with most of them.”

Only for me, it’s never been about controlling the feelings themselves. I wouldn’t know where to begin with that. It’s more, controlling the expectations you have for certain people. If a person lets you down, it’s time to reconsider what you’re asking of them.

“Let me guess: I’m a clueless fool,” I say. He starts the car. “No, just a sweet, naive, beautiful little innocent, raised in captivity by a man who loves wheatgrass.”

I dont like how he doesnt think of her as a person if Peter isnt somehow attached to her

I feel the tiniest bit disappointed. He makes it so easy to open up. I wish I knew how to do the same.

Been there...

I’d had

Typo

You can’t force a person to show up, but you can learn a lesson when they don’t. Trust people’s actions, not their words. Don’t love anyone who isn’t ready to love you back. Let go of the people who don’t hold on to you. Don’t wait on anyone who’s in no rush to get to you.

Ashleigh shakes her head. “There’s steadiness and dependability, and those are great. But settling? Just deciding you already know everything you like and dislike on the entire planet, everything you’re good at, every friend you’re going to make, and every food you’re ever going to eat? The guy wouldn’t even let me repaint our bedroom! I wanted to know new parts of him, and I wanted to find new parts of myself. So I asked him to go to couples’ counseling.”

He’s a seventy-something-year-old dead ringer for Morgan Freeman,

Thats the second comparison to Morgan Freeman and it is freaking me out

I do, however, realize for the first time that in addition to his Popeye anchor, he also has a full-on Popeye on his calf. This does surprisingly little to dampen the impulse to cross the boat and run my tongue over his skin.

Bah! Whatever floats your boat lol

It strikes me that Miles is right, that the key to being able to talk to anyone might just be curiosity. But it also takes a kind of fearlessness, to invite someone into your space and ask to be invited into theirs.

Life isn’t a competition, and neither is love, but I’m still the loser.

There will always be a Petra. Someone more interesting, someone more fun, someone who needs less, or offers more.

“Miles.” I close my eyes, rubbing my heels against the sockets as I organize my thoughts. “I don’t need a better apology present.” My hands fall to my lap. “This is my fault.” He balks. “What? No, it’s definitely not.” “You did exactly what I should’ve expected,” I say. He jerks back, as if I slapped him. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” “I’m not trying to be hurtful,” I say quickly. “I’m saying you’re off the hook.” “Off what hook, Daphne?” he demands. “You told me you don’t do expectations or obligations,” I say. “I said they make me panic,” Miles replies, sounding vaguely panicked now too. I turn in my seat, the windshield wipers still squeaking against the glass, rain pattering the roof. “And you did panic. Even though you didn’t want to. And I did expect something, even though I tried not to.” “Good!” he half shouts. “Expect something! You want to put me on a hook? Put me on the hook. I freaked out, Daphne, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”

“Honey.” She laughs. “I’m a cynic. And a cynic is a romantic who’s too scared to hope.”

“You, my girl, are whoever you decide to be. But I hope you always keep some piece of that girl who sat by the window, hoping for the best. Life’s short enough without us talking ourselves out of hope and trying to dodge every bad feeling. Sometimes you have to push through the discomfort, instead of running.”

how he messed up and it convinced him he couldn’t be who you need, yadda, yadda, yadda. And I realized, all that shit our parents did? It might not have made him mistrust other people, but it sure as hell made him mistrust himself.” My heart tightens and twists. “He can’t see himself clearly,” she says. “They made him feel like all he ever does is let people down.”

I’d tempered my expectations, packed them tight into bricks, built a fortress to protect me. But keeping every glimmer of hope out has isolated me too, and I want to be seen. I want to be loved. I want to live with the hope that things can get better, even if, in the end, they don’t.

This is how time works. The things you wait months for blink past, like the flash of a strobe, huge swaths lost in the dark beats between.

The same universe that dispassionately takes things away can bring you things you weren’t imaginative enough to dream up.

I feel like . . . like there’s so much space between who I am and who I want to be, and there’s no one to show me how to get there.

But you—you make love so easy, Daphne. You make me think I already deserve it, exactly how I am.

“You mean so much to me, Miles,” I say. “So much. But you can’t be everything. You were right that I’d love it here. I do. And you’re a huge part of why I want to build a life here. But I can’t build it around you. If this ends, I need to know that I don’t just disappear. I need to have my own stuff that’s not about anyone else. Whether it works out between us or not, I need that.”

You’re wonderful. You’re the reason for the word wonderful. It really shouldn’t be used for anything else.

I love them omg

We smile and breathe and touch one another and dream about the future without saying any of it aloud.

I can’t wait. I can’t wait for this whole world I’ve invited to surprise me.

Things were allowed to be complicated. They were allowed to be messy. We were allowed to disagree and argue and even hurt each other, on occasion, and it didn’t mean it was time to let the revolving door of life carry us away from each other. Sometimes things are hard. They just are.

Harvey and Elda

Is it elsa or elda? Make up your mind!

“Funny story . . .” he says, but he doesn’t go on, just watches me and waits. He knows how much I love to tell it.

Why am I smiling like a goddamn fool?