Funny Story

by Emily Henry

but that day, I felt like she chose me, in a way I’d never felt chosen.

56

16 days

You can’t force a person to show up, but you can learn a lesson when they don’t. Trust people’s actions, not their words. Don’t love anyone who isn’t ready to love you back. Let go of the people who don’t hold on to you. Don’t wait on anyone who’s in no rush to get to you.

The infamous low chortle sneaks out of me, and his smile is so affectionate I wish I could roll myself up in it like a blanket.

He brushes his fingertips over my bright-red shoulder. “This hurt?” he murmurs. “A little,” I admit. “But that’s what I get for trying to be the cool, laid-back girl who doesn’t need to slather every inch of her body in sunblock every half hour.”

Sounds like han

“It’s weird because I haven’t kissed anyone but Peter in, like, five years, and I didn’t think when I finally did, it would be my ex-fiancé’s new fiancée’s ex-boyfriend.”

“I think we’ve officially graduated from work friends to real friends.”

I think a lot of my friends thought I was a selfish idiot, giving up a pretty good thing just for the hope of a really good thing. But how can I teach my kid not to settle if I’m not willing to fight for the life I want?

53

3 days

“I just might have to get some work done,” I say. The work being, not finding myself alone with Miles Nowak on a Saturday night and incapable of maintaining the friendly boundaries we’ve established. “Sorry,” I force out. “Maybe next time.”

THIS BITCH!!!!!

Julia (I presume) has added in scratchy red, across this Thursday: COMMIT MURDER. Underneath it, I scribble as small as I can: Call FBI about Julia.

Theyre like a little family!!!

Great, I say, and then I text Miles too. Maybe it’s a mistake, maybe it’s not smart, but being “smart” hasn’t paid off well for me thus far. I’m in for Saturday, I tell him.

GOOD

“Miles is my roommate,” I clarify, at which Lenore and Barb exchange a knowing look.

Bahahhah

“Should we make sure you’re wearing your signature look?” I ask, gesturing toward his getup. As soon as I’ve said it, I feel that familiar oh shit dip in my stomach, unsure whether the joke crossed an invisible line. But Harvey’s coughing out a laugh along with a cloud of smoke. “You can come back,” Harvey tells me; then to Ashleigh, pointedly, “Bring her back.” Then, to me again: “Just don’t expect special treatment at work.”

Awweeeeee

“You’re a we-girl.” “Like a wee lass?” I ask. “No, like, We love that restaurant. We always vacation there. We don’t really like scary movies. A woman who’s more comfortable being a part of a whole, who never goes anywhere without a partner.”

don’t want to just be a part of we,” I say. “I want to be an I.” “You’re already an I. It’s just about how much you embrace it.”

I love that

For reasons I don’t completely understand, I feel like I could cry.

I could cry!!!

49

4 days

“It’s a fundraiser the historical society does every year. Tons of business owners here. I thought it could be a good place for you to meet sponsors. For the Read-a-thon.”

Aweeee

In the last hour, the Read-a-thon has racked up: a free charcuterie board for its volunteers, one hundred gift bags of chocolate-covered cherries, an assortment of popcorn, and one large (tax-free) cash donation.

But I don’t. Instead, I step back. Then I turn and run.

Bitch !!!

“Because I know you think you failed her, but from the outside, what I see is, something’s going on with your sister, and she got on a plane straight to you. Didn’t even ask first, because she knew you’d make space. You’re where she ran when she needed to feel safe.”

44

5 days

(IF I STILL WANT TO)

oh WOAH

Julia decides to stay another week,

Shes never leavin

On Friday the nineteenth, I find out about the children’s librarian job in Worcester County, Maryland. A quick online search tells me the Ocean City Library is twenty minutes from my mother and looks like an adorable lighthouse filled with books.

NOOOOOOOO

My dad steps out of the kitchen, into view, slipping one hand over the woman’s shoulder. “Hey, kid,” he says. “Surprise!”

Omg

16

8 days

“You finally get to meet Starfire.”

“So just,” I say, “exactly the plot of the movie, then.” Starfire’s head cocks to one side. “What movie?”

Hahahaha

the key to being able to talk to anyone might just be curiosity.

Put this girl in a room full of books, and she’s happier than anyone I’ve met.

And no matter how genuinely nice Starfire is, it doesn’t change the fact that she’s a woman who paid someone actual money to recount the plot of Titanic to her as a prophecy, and she is worthy of Dad’s love, when I never have been.

Life isn’t a competition, and neither is love, but I’m still the loser.

“Did something . . . happen in Chicago?” She flops down on her mattress and pulls the quilt up to her chin, her face steely. “Can you turn off the overhead on your way out?”

Ruh roh

14

2 days

13

1 day

I knew being with him like this would be good, and fun, and maybe even funny, but I’m surprised how my chest keeps twinging like my feelings have too much weight, and my rib cage might crack under them.

The bug conflict is quickly approaching

12

1 day

11 DAYS

1 day but no readathoj mention ???

He shakes his head. “We’re not together. We called it off.”

Knew it

I think I knew within a week, honestly, but I’d already made such a wreck of things, I figured I needed to see it through.”

Thats crazyyyyy

“He already spent all day helping her move her shit out,” he says.

THATS WHEREHE WAS ?????

10

1 day

I freaked out, Daphne, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”

Oop

He looks back to the steering wheel, and quickly wipes at the corner of his eye, which makes my heart feel like it’s shattering.

All those moments throughout the days, weeks, months that don’t get marked on calendars with hand-drawn stars or little stickers. Those are the moments that make a life. Not grand gestures, but mundane details that, over time, accumulate until you have a home, instead of a house. The things that matter. The things I can’t stop longing for.

“I love you more than everything else on this planet combined.

But no one person can be everything we need.

“Honey.” She laughs. “I’m a cynic. And a cynic is a romantic who’s too scared to hope.”