Leaving the Fold: A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving Their Religion

by Marlene Winell

The mindset of fundamentalism is as much a part of its definition as its theology. One chief characteristic is a mood of militant opposition to secular culture, liberal theology, higher criticism, and scientific views that challenge the Bible.

Therefore, no matter how altruistic its announcements, a rigid religion will produce judgment, because there will always be “others” who believe differently. Judgment leads to discrimination and, all too often, to persecution.

Christian fundamentalism can appear benign yet intolerance and mind control often lurk just beneath the surface.

the exclusivity and authoritarianism of a religion like Christian fundamentalism results in disconnection — from self, from other people, from the world.

And with more knowledge comes more ability to choose.

our perceptions and expectations color what we deem to be reality, we act accordingly, and we get results that follow. You can let this happen in an old “default” mode and produce more of the same in your life, or you can decide to actively see and create a different reality.

Some approaches leave you like a little child in the world — in touch with feelings, yes, but quite vulnerable nonetheless. My attitude is that you must also learn to be a grown-up, “adopt” your inner child, and actively create the life you want.

My friend said that when she first left, all she knew was that her favorite color was pink and what her name was. She is fine now, and I will be too.

Separation Confusion Avoidance Feeling Rebuilding

My world now seems filled with infinite possibilities. When I first left the church, I felt this weight being lifted from my shoulders. Freedom to be me is probably the most positive benefit.

I didn’t know that there was a difference between healthy self-esteem and puffed-up pride.

I am angry that I had to pay for my parents’ continued existence in their cocoon of safety. They wanted to believe that life was as they said it was, and in lying to me they didn’t have to face reality.

Because fundamentalism splits everything into black and white, you may have developed an unrelenting perfectionism.

I feel extremely guilty if I go for myself. I am to be perfect in carrying out my divine mission. When I am less than perfect, I am a guilty sinner. I am less than perfect when I get tired, needy, lonely, et cetera. It is very hard for me to take or find satisfaction in a job well done, and I do most jobs well. Praise fails to register or make any difference.

fully in the drama of humanity.

Other people are not saints or devils, and life is a rich mixture of pleasure and pain.

Notions of responsibility were confused in fundamentalism, since you were at the same time accountable for sin, for making the choice to accept Christ, and for leading others to God. You were supposed to be like Christ, but not through your own doing. In fact, self-reliance was the most dangerous of all attitudes.

For those who find spirituality to be a continuing source of meaning and purpose, their spirituality needs to be redefined and made more personal.

Confusion: 2

Anxiety or Fear: 2

Lack of clear identity or personal values: 3

Negative sense of self: 4

Emptiness: 1

Negative image of your body & discomfort with sexuality: 4

Lack of meaning or purpose in life:

Sadly, I remember strong sights, sounds, and smells in the Buddhist temples, associated only with pity and disgust.

It is sad now to look back and understand the tension between my normal teenage need to belong in a peer group and my desire for spiritual acceptability. My faith taught me to glorify the idea of being different, which psychologically fostered a feeling of alienation

Of course, we interpreted objections to the Gospel as “darkness” rather than honest reasons people had for not being Christian. We prayed for the souls we had spoken with each day and asked God to “convict” them of sin and lead them to the light.

Our goals must be to work for the genuine brotherhood of mankind — true peace — based on love and mutual respect of our fellow man. This can only be brought about by the transformation of individuals through the power of Christ.

I thought this too, but now the idea that the only way to achieve peace and respect is for everyone to believe the same thing is so damaging. It’s the reason white Christians required others to assimilate to their beliefs and way of living. Respect is a shallow and dishonest construct if it’s only given to people like you.

I debated between Oral Roberts University and the University of California at Irvine and chose the latter — so that I could be a witness there!

Sounds like me

With the benefit of hindsight, it is always tempting to judge. The awareness you have now can make your past involvement in fundamentalism seem very strange. Therefore, it is vital for you to realize that you are not the same person now. The choices and commitments you made in the past were ones that made the most sense to you at the time — just as you may have chosen a spouse or a career that you later outgrew.

The point is you are human. You try to do the best you can; no one deliberately plans to create unhappiness.

Rejecting even a truly dangerous family situation is simply not possible to children who usually lack options.

children will adjust their views of reality to survive, sustaining a belief in their parents no matter what, because that is all they have. To question is essentially to risk death.

Fundamentalism preys on the normal concerns people have by painting the world as completely out of control and humans as essentially helpless.

Individuals who do not trust their own judgment can use religion for self-control and conclude that without it there would be certain disaster.

Purity rings!

Fundamentalists in particular exaggerate the depravity of humankind and paint a negative picture of human beings as selfish and violent.

The neglected point is that people have intuitive knowledge of ethics.

Thus remaining a perpetual child in a cosmic family helps the individual avoid the developmental task all young adults have: to let go of parents and face their limits and mortality. You can refuse to grow up and feel justified about it.

When you believe in the fundamentalist master plan, you no longer have to face the challenge of creating meaning through your own choices and perceptions. In Christian fundamentalism, God’s purpose is revealed, and you can find a place in it.

Real discernment isn’t necessary

Put most simply, your purpose is to be saved and to help save others.

As described by Father Leo Booth (1991) the religious addict uses heavy church attendance and religious behavior as an avoidance of life.

At the deepest level, all of us want to be valued for simply being, instead of doing. We want unconditional love.

It is as if a voice were saying: “You are accepted … Simply accept the fact that you are accepted!”

if you leave the belief system, you lose your acceptance. The acceptance is always understood as being vicariously earned through Christ’s atonement.

The bargain is to admit your sinfulness and then be accepted.

The most important feature is a perceived unity to all things, a profound sense of oneness with the universe.

Rather than fostering a spirit of mutual help and cooperation, this religion seems to evoke the most basic survival instincts and aggressions.

This is a system of absolute black and absolute white.

In fundamentalism, there is no understanding of character development, only miraculous transformation due to God’s grace.