P.S. You're Intolerable (The Harder They Fall, #3)

by Julia Wolf

Davida wasn’t who I’d initially pegged her to be. Beneath her cool professionalism, she was a sassy, foul-mouthed mother hen. We’d become allies then friends, despite our thirty-year age gap and the fact that Davida was a freewheeling, unmarried, and happily childless lesbian, and I was a soon-to-be single mother.

“Thanks, sweetie, but I’ll pass. Pregnancy is a mystery to me, and I plan to keep it that way.”

As always, he shifted it a fraction of an inch. Probably used the lasers in his cyborg brain to find the exact center.

If I were alone, I would have said fuck it and walked back to the office. Since the last thing I wanted to do was send Catherine into early labor, we’d stay here, where the seats were soft and cushioned and there was no chance of a squalling infant making an appearance.

Since Liam had gone back to Australia for an indefinite period of time, which I was really hoping would end soon, Davida and Raymond had declared themselves Baby Girl’s new dads. She could have done worse…but she could have done a lot better. I wasn’t sure I’d trust either of them to help keep a fish alive, let alone a baby.

Hopefully, I’d be up to snuff for Elliot. If he said anything else about my clothes, I’d likely jab him with my pen. A blue one, just to make it hurt worse.

There was no giving up, but I wished I could have.

When our mother died, I’d dropped out of Stanford so I could return home and become Elise’s guardian, and I’d never once regretted it until now. If Elise had had to tough it out in a group home or something, she wouldn’t have been so goddamn friendly.

Unbidden tears stung the back of my eyes. “I did. It’s just…I can’t remember the last time anyone even hugged me, and I’ve been to all my appointments alone—” Walking right up to me, Davida pulled me into her arms and hugged me so tight a grunt popped out.

“There.” She pulled back, her hands on my shoulders. “Come to me for hugs. Don’t go searching for human contact from inappropriate sources.”

“Ten hours of labor.” Raymond took off his glasses and wiped them on his tie. “By the end, I was asking her to share her epidural with me. That experience was not for the faint of heart.”

To me, there was nothing beautiful about birth. The things that came out of my body had been truly shocking, and I’d been terrified out of my mind. But then, her.

P.S. You are the human equivalent of spilling a bag of freshly pumped milk.

To: catherinewarner@levydevelopment.com From: elliotlevy@levydevelopment.com Catherine, Thank you. I’ve found it. So you’re aware, I’m seconds away from firing Daniel. He shakes when I speak to him. It’s untenable. I need an assistant, not a leaf. You’ve never shaken in my presence. Not once. Aren’t you bored at home? What could you possibly be doing for all these weeks? I would like you to come back as soon as possible. I don’t think Daniel’s going to make it much longer. He’s currently vibrating at his desk, and from what I understand, the human body cannot sustain constant vibration. He will eventually crumble. Do you want that on your conscience? Think about it. Yours, Elliot

“Hello, Precious Angel McChunk-Cheeks.” He ran his nose along her cheek. “Come with Daddy Raymond to pick out a donut. Sadly, you can’t have one. I’m going to take one for the team and eat it for you.” “Hi, Ray,” I said flatly. He flashed me a slightly sheepish grin. “Hey, Kit. Don’t mind me and Joey. We’re having a private conversation.”

Christ, this woman. She was something else. I should have fired her for putting me through weeks of being driven insane by paper length, but this was too funny to be angry over.

“Why?” I hit the hollow box against my forehead and groaned. “Why, why, why?” What kind of mother didn’t have Band-Aids? Not that Joey would ever get hurt, but I should have been prepared for everything.

When I’d issued the invitation, I hadn’t considered all the paraphernalia that came along with infants. For such a small person, Josephine needed a lot. So much, her things filled my trunk.

Babies weren’t my thing. I’d never paid attention to them before now. But this one struck me as exceptionally pretty and sweet.

I’d never been around babies, but this one seemed especially small and delicate.

“You’re good at holding babies. Have you been around many?” “This is my first one.” He dragged his fingertip along her cheek. “I did some reading on the subject.”

Joey kicked my arm like she was sending me a message. Grow up, asshole. I took her foot in my hand and rubbed her downy soft skin, conveying back, It isn’t my fault your mom drives me to distraction.

Catherine and Sam conducted the interview with little input from me. As far as I was concerned, he was out of the running. He could say he’d been trained by Supernanny herself and was the inventor of the Montessori method and still wouldn’t have been qualified.

“You’re back,” Davida announced. “Thank god you’re back. Poor Daniel.” Raymond pulled me out of my seat to give me a squeeze. “Welcome, welcome, now where is Angel McChunk-Cheeks? Who have you left her with, and why wasn’t I consulted?” Grinning, I grabbed my phone and turned on the screen that showed the living room. Freddie was walking around with Joey in one arm, pointing to things in the room. I turned on the sound, and Freddie’s sweet singing voice filtered through. “This is the window, pretty girl, smart girl. This is the light, strong girl, wise girl. This is the light switch, sweet girl, brave girl.” And she kept going with each object she pointed to. Raymond raised his hands. “Okay, I get it. You hired the top of the line for our angel. I forgive you for not asking me if I wanted the job.”

Davida took the phone from me to watch the screen. “Can I have a nanny who walks around with me singing affirmations all day?”

“Since I’ve never looked a gift horse in the mouth once, I’m not about to start now.” I kissed Joey’s fuzzy head. “That’s your first life lesson, honey. When you’re offered something generous, don’t hem and haw, grab it and figure the rest out later.”

It wasn’t the dress, though the way it draped over her generous heart-shaped ass and round hips was nothing short of fine art.

😭😭😭😭😭😭

She had decimated my resolve with a thousand cuts. The curly wisps of hair around her face were the most persistent slices against my walls. Then there was the press of her lips, the light that always danced behind her eyes when she internally cussed me out. How she handled difficult men, including me. Her ability to be soft and strong all at once. The postscripts. Goddamn postscripts.

Her presence was relaxing and calm, soothing and bright. She wasn’t a ray of sunshine, more like a cool breeze on a scorching day. That

Catherine talked to Jo the whole way and periodically patted my arm, soothing us both at once. It worked better on the baby.

“They’re incredibly talented.” “She is—wait a second.” She stomped her foot, sending a hypnotizing ripple up her leg. “I’m mad at you.” I finally looked up at her face, not surprised to see her cheeks were flushed. It was difficult to feign being contrite with an erection, so I didn’t try.

Joey kicked her feet and gazed up at the light fixture, her brow crinkled. She still loved the fan above my bed, maybe more than she loved me, but she was crushing on this light. It was a sweet mini chandelier, so I understood her infatuation.

“I’m not going to fuck you. I want you to lie down and let me make you come as many times as it takes to switch off your whirling dervish mind. Can you do that for me, sweetheart? Can you be a good girl for me and let me lick you?”

“You’re so good to me. Too good.” “I disagree.” I raised my head, frowning. “What?” “I disagree that I’m too good to you. I treat you how you deserve to be treated. It’s unfortunate you’re not used to that, but I’ll see to it you come to expect to be met with kindness and generosity and never accept less.”

“That’s really all he had to say?” Raymond punched his palm, which was funny because there was absolutely nothing tough about him. He even winced slightly at the contact. “Fuck that guy.”

Catherine was the light at the end of a tunnel. A fire on a cold day. Clothes fresh from the dryer. The winning shot in overtime. The first crack of fireworks on the Fourth of July. She made me nostalgic for something I’d never had. A gut-deep pull to be near her, touch her, take care of her, treasure her.

“You’re gorgeous.” She rewarded me with a drugged little smile, but it was shaky in the corners. “I wish you’d seen me before I was pregnant. I’m not the same.” “I don’t doubt you’ve changed.” I outlined the curvy shape of her body with my fingertips, then sat back on my knees to look at her spread out in front of me. “But I find it hard to believe there’s ever been anything better than this.”

From someone who just today got told “you’ll be back to a size 1 in no time” this just healed something deep within me 😭😭😭😭

Her curves were exaggerated and lush, like a figure in a painting from a different era. I’d hang her portrait on my wall, just like this, then murder every man who laid eyes on it.

Logic should have interfered, but it was locked out of the room.

It was something I admired about him, along with his magic dick and incomparable mouth skills.

“You’re not being sarcastic.” I shook my head. “No, I’m not. But I think I should say you can’t ruin every man who looks at me.” His brows dropped like an anvil, and he took my face in both hands. “I can, sweetheart. Never doubt that.”

I grabbed Jo’s car seat from the back and slipped Catherine’s diaper bag from her shoulder. She grumbled a protest, but there was no need for her to carry either while I was with her. Eventually, she would get used to being treated the way she deserved, but we were still getting there.

“You do. You do have me,” I told him because it was true. I was his now. Couldn’t imagine ever being anyone else’s after this. I’d make sure there was no “after this.”

“Have I mentioned I love your girl, Elliot?” Elliot whirled around to scowl at him. “No. And you’ll continue not to mention that.”

I elbowed him in the ribs. “Be nice. Miles is helping me in a big way.” Then I addressed Miles. “Don’t antagonize my boyfriend.”

P.S. Everything extraordinary about Josephine came from you.

“Which was your favorite part? The decorations or the celebration in the limo?” “All of it. I’ve never had anyone waiting at the airport for me, much less with a cute sign and a wet pussy.”

Elliot isn’t unlike the men I’ve worked for in the past. He has an ego that matches the size of his success and takes his business seriously. I’ve never seen him break from that character, except with you. Around you, he’s a—” She nudged Raymond’s knee. “What’s the word the kids say?” Ray took a delicate sip of his wine then puckered his lips. “Simp,” he pronounced.

“This love I have for you is etched in my bones and has been growing since the moment I spotted you. If I thought you would agree, I would marry you today, tomorrow, next month. I have never loved anyone else, and knowing myself, I never will. You’re the only woman I want, and you can bank on that never changing. You are threaded through the tapestry of who I am. Even when I denied it, refused to look at you, shut off my feelings for you, you were weaving through me in inextricable ways. If you removed yourself now, I would be in tatters.”

“I don’t believe it is. Not with you. I’m not going to let you or Joey go, so there’s nothing crazy about giving you ownership of my house. You already own me, free and clear.”