The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter--And How to Make the Most of Them Now

by Meg Jay

Each person who wants me feels like an oasis. Like maybe this will be the last person to want me. I feel like I have to drink up. I have to take whatever I can get. If I don’t find someone, I view it as being rejected by everyone.”

Whether we think other people want us is, too often, what determines our worth.

I told Cathy I saw her as a person who had been made to feel “too much” and “less-than” all at the same time.

The frontal lobe is where we move beyond the futile search for black-and-white solutions as we learn to tolerate—and act on—shades of gray.

As we take part in partnering, we find new ways to feel competent in the adult world. And on the days we do feel bad about our twenties, these relationships can be a source of security and support.

She taught me that feminists want families too. That’s how you make more feminists.

Irving lets us know that good stories, and happy endings, are more intentional than that.

The future isn’t written in the stars. There are no guarantees. So claim your adulthood. Be intentional. Get to work. Pick your family. Do the math. Make your own certainty. Don’t be defined by what you didn’t know or didn’t do. You are deciding your life right now.