Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life

by Margalis Fjelstad

If you are still in relationship with the BP/NP, there may be less for you and the BP/NP to talk about or find to do together when you don’t play by the rules of the game. Doing activities together that don’t require verbal interaction often work the best. For example, going to the mall, going to a movie, watching television, hiking, bike riding, or attending a sports event usually work pretty well. Avoid long rides in a car, sitting around the house together, discussions about anything

You may need to continually remind yourself that the BP/NP has little or no interest in what you think, what you are doing, what you want, and so on. If you want a friend—someone to listen and really understand what you’re going through—look for an emotionally healthy person for that. Let the BP/NP talk about his or her own interests, and when you get bored, excuse yourself and leave. You will now be in a more cordial relationship with the BP/NP, but it has limited content and pretty much no emotional connection. You may find yourself yearning for the few early days, weeks, or months of your relationship with the BP/NP when things were fun with the BP/NP and maybe

you get it right. 121–160 Pathological Altruism. No matter how hard you try in this relationship, you often feel disappointed, depressed, and unappreciated. Although you would like to be treated better, you ignore or reject help, compliments, and kindness from others, preferring to do things yourself.