The Importance of Being Earnest

by Oscar Wilde

SCENE.-Morning-room in ALGERNON's flat in Half Moon Street. The room is luxuriously and artistically furnished. The sound of a piano is heard in the adjoining room. [LANE is arranging afternoon tea on the table, and after the music has ceased, ALGERNON enters.] ALGERNON: Did you hear what I was playing, Lane? LANE: I didn't think it polite to listen, sir. ALGERNON: I'm sorry for that, for your sake. I don't play accurately-anyone can play accurately-but I play with wonderful expression. As far as the piano is concerned, sentiment is my forte. I keep science for Life.

ALGERNON: Lane's views on marriage seem somewhat lax. Really, if the lower orders don't set us a good example, what on earth is the use of them? They seem, as a class, to have absolutely no sense of moral responsibility.

ALGERNON: My dear fellow, the way you flirt with Gwendolen is perfectly disgraceful. It is almost as bad as the way Gwendolen flirts with you. JACK: I am in love with Gwendolen. I have come up to town expressly to propose to her. ALGERNON: I thought you had come up for pleasure?.. .1 call that business.

I don't give my consent. JACK: Your consent! ALGERNON: My dear fellow, Gwendolen is my first cousin. And before I allow you to marry her, you will have to clear up the whole question of Cecily. [Rings bell.] JACK: Cecily! What on earth do you mean? What do you mean, Algy, by Cecily! I don't know any one of the name of Cecily.

your name isn't Jack at all; it is Ernest. JACK: It isn't Ernest; it's Jack. ALGERNON: You have always told me it was Ernest. I have introduced you to everyone as Ernest. You answer to the name of Ernest. You look as if your name was Ernest. You are the most earnest-looking person I ever saw in my life. It is perfectly absurd your saying that your name isn't Ernest. It's on your cards. Here is one of them.

my name is Ernest in town and Jack in the country, and the cigarette case was given to me in the country.

JACK: My dear Algy, I don't know whether you will be able to understand my real motives. You are hardly serious enough. When one is placed in the position of guardian, one has to adopt a very high moral tone on all subjects. It's one's duty to do so. And as a high moral tone can hardly be said to conduce very much to either one's health or one's happiness, in order to get up to town I have always pretended to have a younger brother of the name of Ernest, who lives in the Albany, and gets into the most dreadful scrapes. That, my dear Algy, is the whole truth pure and simple.

I have invented an invaluable permanent invalid called Bunbury, in order that I may be able to go down into the country whenever I choose.