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Almost always in this sort of situation, such persons are not feeling acknowledged for the contribution they are making to our life. Once their value to us has been acknowledged, the nagging stops.
We get what we want when we stop insisting on it! Expectation of others is a form of emotional blackmail.
Another way of preventing anger is by making a decision within oneself no longer to accept invalidation from others or the small aspect of oneself.
Chronic, unrecognized anger and resentment reemerge in our life as depression, which is anger directed against oneself. If pushed further into the unconscious, it can re-emerge as psychosomatic illnesses. Migraine headaches, arthritis, and hypertension are frequently cited examples of chronic suppressed anger.
This experience and many like it demonstrate how we are all psychically connected. The internal position we hold about another person is forcing them to adopt a complementary defensive position. It is, therefore, not Pollyanna to forgive and forget, but a reasonable recognition of emotional realities. The inner-actions between human beings are determined by the configurations of the vibrational energies that their emotions are radiating into space. The energy of the vibration, and the thought form with which it is associated, create a readable record.
Another thing that dissipates anger is our mere willingness to relinquish it. Willingness is our overall decision to find a better way, to stop relying on anger, and to move up to courage and acceptance.
As students of the martial arts are well aware, anger indicates weakness and vulnerability; it is seen as a tool that we are handing to our opponent. We can see from muscle testing why this is so. The angry person has already lost half his muscle power and has, therefore, lost the split second timing that is so decisive to victory in hand-to-hand combat.
Anger is binding, not freeing. It connects us to another person and holds them in our life pattern. We are stuck in the negative pattern until we let go of the energy of anger and its little payoffs of righteous indignation, feeling wronged, and the desire for revenge.
If not that person, then others will appear who have the same quality that triggers our anger and resentment.
pride is often thought to be a “good thing.” However, if we take a good look at it, we will see that, just like all the other negative feelings we have discussed so far, pride is devoid of love.
Pride may take the form of over-valuation, denial, playing the martyr, being opinionated, arrogant, boastful, inflated, one-up, haughty, holier-than-thou, vain, self-centered, complacent, aloof, smug, snobbish, prejudiced, bigoted, pious, contemptuous, selfish, unforgiving, spoiled, rigid, patronizing, judgmental, and in milder forms, pigeonholing.
Conversely, the humble person cannot be humiliated for they are immune to vulnerability, having let go of pride.
There is a tireless preoccupation with appearance and what other people will think, so there is a constant vulnerability to the opinions of others. When pride and self-inflation have been relinquished, there is an inner security that takes their place. When we no longer feel called upon to defend our image, criticisms and attacks from others diminish and finally stop.
This brings us to one of the basic laws of consciousness: Defensiveness invites attack.
This inner awareness is different from the energy of pride. Self-awareness of one’s true value is characterized by lack of defensiveness.
We just know what we are, and this self-knowledge is sufficient for us. That which we truly know never needs defense and is different from the energy of pride that we are discussing in this chapter.
When we have pride in our possessions or in some organizations with which we identify, we feel obligated to defend them.
If we love all of the things noted above (family, country, accomplishments), that means there is no question of their worth in our mind.
We do not feel comfortable in the presence of those who are prideful; therefore, pridefulness blocks communication and the expression of love. Although we love those who are prideful about specific accomplishments, we love them in spite of their pride and not because of it.
“What is the purpose of pride? What is its payoff? Why do I seek it? For what does it compensate? What do I have to realize about my true nature in order to let pride go without a feeling of loss?” The answer is rather obvious. The smaller we feel within, the more we have to compensate for an inner sense of inadequacy, unimportance, and valuelessness by the substitution of the emotion of pride.
a truly humble person sees the critical verbalization by another person as merely a statement of the other person’s inner problems.
If we achieve a certain goal for the pleasure, enjoyment, love of accomplishment, and the inner joy that it brings to us, we are invulnerable to the reaction of others.
It is not what we have that matters, but how we hold it, how we frame it in our consciousness, and its meaning to us.
In fact, when this was brought to her attention, she replied, “Oh, heavens! If somebody really needed something that much, they could have it!”
want to spread out my vulnerability to attack by so extensively identifying with all these passing thoughts and calling them ‘mine’?” Everybody has an opinion on everything. So what? When we look at the true quality of opinions, we will stop giving them as much value.
Instead of feeling pride about our thoughts, what is wrong with just loving them? Why not just love a certain concept because of its beauty, because of its inspirational quality, or because of its serviceability? If we view our thoughts that way, we no longer need the pride of being “right.” If we hold the same view of our likes and dislikes, we are no longer prone to argumentativeness. For instance, if we love the music of a certain composer, we no longer need to defend
We will find that if we love our religion, whatever it might be, no one will attack us. If we are prideful, however, we will have to avoid the entire subject, because anger will quickly arise as a by-product of the pride. When we truly value something, we lift it aloft out of the demeaning target range of argument.
we tell somebody that we do something because we get enjoyment out of it, there is really nothing much they can say about it, is there? If we infer that we do it because we are right in doing it, we will instantly see their hackles go up because they, also, have an opinion on what is right.
The reason that pride arouses attack is because of the inference of being “better than,” which is part and parcel of pride.
If someone tells us that they eat the way they eat because they enjoy it, there is nothing much we can say about it, is there? If, on the other hand, they infer that theirs is the right way of eating and, by inference, that ours is wrong, what they are really saying is that they are better than we are. That always arouses resentment.
Addicts and alcoholics will go to their death because of the denial inherent in pride: “Other people have the problem—not me!” Pride prevents us from recognizing our own limitations and accepting the help we need to overcome them. Our pridefulness isolates us.
“I can.” It is a positive state in which we feel assured, skillful, adequate, capable, alive, loving and giving, with an overall zest for life. We are capable of humor, activity, confidence, and clarity. In this state, we feel centered, balanced, flexible, happy, independent, and self-sufficient. We can be inventive, creative, and open. In courage, there is a lot of energy, action, letting go, capacity to “be there,” to be spontaneous, resilient, resourceful, and cheerful. In this state, we can be very effective in the world.
“I can look at my feelings”; “I don’t have to be afraid of my feelings anymore”; “I can handle them”; “I can take responsibility for them”; “I can learn how to accept them and be free from them”; “I am willing to take risks, to let go of old points of view and to explore new ones”; “I am willing to be joyous and share my experience with others”; “I experience myself as willing and able.”
We champion the people who face their fear and attempt to do something about it. Such courage is one of the characteristics of nobility and makes a person truly great.
Because we can only give away what we ourselves already have, people on the level of courage are able to be supportive and encouraging of others. This is because they are able to give as well as receive, and there is a balance between giving and receiving that occurs naturally. The levels of consciousness up to this point are concerned primarily with gain. Now, on the level of courage, there is greater power and energy. We have the ability to give to others, because other people are no longer being looked at primarily as a means of help, survival, or support.
With courage, there is the willingness to take chances and to let go of former securities. There is the willingness to grow and benefit from new experiences. This involves the capacity to admit mistakes without indulging in guilt and self-recrimination. Our sense of self-worth is not diminished by looking at areas that need improvement. We are able to admit the presence of problems without being diminished. As a result, energy, time, and effort are put into self-improvement.
Although there is still vulnerability to negative thoughts or energies—such as those that emanate from fluorescent lights or artificial sweeteners—the bio-energy field is more radiant than that of the lower, negative states.
There is vocational security, and in the work area there is concern for the welfare of others. People on this level characteristically state that they want jobs which will be of some benefit to the world.
On the lower levels, God is viewed from the emotional coloration of that level. Thus, in apathy, the whole relationship with God is hopeless, if it can be considered at all. On the level of grief, one feels hopelessly separated from any help from God. When overcome with guilt, the person feels undeserving of any relationship with God, and punishment is expected rather than love. On the level of fear, the fear may be so great that the problem of God cannot even be faced, so that the subject is blotted out of consciousness, and God is viewed as fearful, punishing, avenging, jealous, and angry.
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Carl Jung said that the healthy personality is equally balanced between work, play, love, and an aspect of personality called spirituality, which we could also define as the search for meaning and value.
We can utilize courage to reinforce our desire to grow beyond our present state, because on this level, we are already getting inklings that there is something within us that we had hitherto unsuspected. These are indicated by those sudden episodes of perfect stillness and peace in which we have great clarity, understanding, and heightened sensitivity to beauty. We discover that it was through the music—and not because of it—that we experience our mind going suddenly still, and, in that moment of stillness, we were allowed to experience a greater dimension.
harmony. We feel as though events are flowing. We feel secure. We can be of service to others without a feeling of self-sacrifice. There is the feeling: “I’m okay,” “You’re okay,” and “It’s okay.” It is a feeling of belonging, connectedness, fullness, loving, understanding, and the feeling of being understood. It is a feeling of caring, warmth, and self-worth. Because of the security of this state, we can allow ourselves to be soft, mellow, and natural. There is joy, and we feel “in tune” and relaxed. There is the feeling that it’s all right just to be ourselves.
We look inside a person and see the frightened animal that just doesn’t know any better. We are aware that, if cornered, it will surely attack us and bite. It just doesn’t realize that our intentions are peaceful, and so it flails out wildly.
There is certainty that our own personal needs will be met; therefore, there is a shift in relationship so that the focus is on the welfare and happiness of others.
The world is seen to be harmonious, and any alteration of that appearance is realized to be a projection onto it of our own inner conflicts. On this level, there is the awareness that all negative feelings are our own problem, and there is no longer looking outside of ourselves for their resolution.
If muscle-tested in this state, we test strong; we are relatively immune to negative influences, such as the weakening vibrations of fluorescent lights, synthetic fabrics, or artificial sweeteners. There is a strong commitment to health and wellness, and bettering ourselves on all levels. Health issues are often considered to be problems at the psychological, emotional, or mental levels, and resources are sought and found which help to resolve the issues at all of those levels. The power of self-healing is now available.
On the level of love, we are heartfelt, generous, nurturing, affectionate, steadfast, and forgiving. Love is protective, collaborative, uplifting, holistic, and gracious. It is characterized by warmth, gratitude, appreciation, humility, completion, vision, purity of motive, and sweetness.
Love is what we have become through the pathway of surrender. It is a way of being in the world that says: “How can I be of help to you? How can I comfort you? How can I loan you money when you’re broke? How can I help you find a job? How can I console you when you’ve suffered a major loss in your family?”
Once we become willing to give love, the discovery quickly follows that we are surrounded by love and merely didn’t know how to access it. Love is actually present everywhere; its presence only needs to be realized.
Sometimes, it is best not to tell people that you love them because they’ll get scared and think that you have designs on them or you want something from them. Frankly, some people are afraid and suspicious of love; therefore, you love such people without telling them.
