The Chimp Paradox: The Mind Management Program to Help You Achieve Success, Confidence, and Happiness

by Steve Peters

To understand how you and your Chimp work differently, we will approach this in a systematic way by looking at four aspects: Ways of thinking Agendas Modes of operating Personalities

Here are some of the traits of emotional thinking Jumps to an opinion Thinks in black and white Paranoid Catastrophic Irrational Emotive judgment

Here are some of the traits of logical thinking Evidence-based Rational In context and with perspective Shades of gray and balanced judgment

Two different agendas The purpose and agenda of the Chimp is survival. The Human’s agenda is to achieve self-fulfillment. This is usually about becoming the person you want to be and achieving the things you want to achieve. The Human will often search for the meaning of life.

Understanding the Chimp’s agenda Perpetuation of the species and self-survival Other objectives

If the typical Chimp is really pushed, it is quite likely to protect the species rather than protect itself. The black widow spider demonstrates this principle. Here there is a clash between the drive to produce the next generation and the drive to survive. The drive for the male to have sex and therefore perpetuate the species overrides his own safety and he will mate with the female knowing that he is highly likely to be eaten, if he can’t escape quickly enough. We can also see this clash of drives in people, though hopefully not quite so dramatically! For example, those who have unprotected sex despite being in a situation where there is a high risk of contracting the HIV virus.

attracting a mate, establishing a territory, searching for food and finding shelter.

Understanding the Human’s agenda Self-agenda Society agenda Other objectives

Two different modes of operating The Chimp and Human have different agendas and to fulfill these they operate by using two very different principles. The Chimp operates by the laws of the jungle and it does this by having powerful drives and instincts. The Human operates by the laws of society and it does this by using powerful ethical and moral drives, typically with a conscience. By far, the biggest challenge for the individual Human is to live with an animal within that is determined to live by the laws of the jungle and to use extremely powerful drives and instincts to fulfill its own agenda.

when we have to walk into a room full of strangers, many of our Chimps start to go into Flight mode and want to get out. Some go into Freeze mode and try to remain unnoticed, while others may take on the Fight mode and try to establish their presence. These responses occur because our Chimp has sent a message saying, “I feel under threat and need to do something.” Occasionally these responses become intense and cause us gross anxiety. In order to calm the Chimp, the Human needs to speak to it and use logic to reassure the Chimp.

If your Chimp is trying to tell you to react to a situation, and you don’t respond in some way by choosing one of the FFF options reassuring the Chimp, then your body will naturally release adrenalin. When this adrenalin is coupled with negative thoughts your Chimp will go into an anxiety state. Anxiety in this example is nature’s way of prompting us to make a decision when under threat. Anxiety typically occurs when you don’t make a decision. It is a perfectly natural response from your Chimp, showing that it is healthy. The answer therefore is to make a decision or reassure the Chimp!

As FFF is about survival, the intensity of emotion is massive and typically out of proportion to the event.

It also helps to explain why many people search out hidden meanings from things that are said to them because their Chimps are searching for potential threat. The Chimp is insecure by nature.

It is important to note that although male and female Chimps differ considerably, male and female Humans do NOT differ very much at all. There is also a great overlap between the characteristics of the male and female Chimps.

Step 1: How to recognize who is in charge

Key Point The golden rule is that whenever have you feelings, thoughts or behaviors that you do not want or welcome, then you are being hijacked by your Chimp.

There are some typical Chimp phrases worth watching out for that will give away when it is thinking for you. “But what if…?” “But what if…?” is the Chimp’s favorite way to open a question. “But what if it goes wrong?” “But what if I can’t do it?” “But what if the

“But I feel…” or “But I don’t feel…” “But I feel tired so I won’t do it.” “But I feel lacking in motivation therefore I can’t start.” “But I feel concerned that bad things might happen.”

Key Point Remember that Chimps like to go on how they feel to decide on future actions, whereas Humans tend to go on what needs to be done and also how they will feel at the end of the day when they look back on how they used their time. These are two very different approaches.

All information goes to the Chimp first The process is always the same as you go about your daily routines: in every situation and action, all input goes to the Chimp first. The Chimp then decides if there is anything to worry about. If there is no concern, then the Chimp goes to sleep and hands over to the Human. If the Chimp is concerned, then it will hold on to the blood supply in the brain and will make its own decisions on what is going on.

Key Point A chimpanzee is five times as strong as a human being. Similarly, your emotional Chimp is five times stronger than you are. Don’t try to control it, manage it. You need a management plan!

Key Point You can’t change the nature of your Chimp BUT you are responsible for managing it.

There are two aspects to working with the Chimp: nurturing the Chimp and managing the Chimp, and they have to be addressed in that order.

if your Chimp is insecure, you need to make it feel secure so that it is in a position to be managed. If you have an aggressive and dominating Chimp, doing something simple like playing a sport can be a socially acceptable way to fulfill this primitive drive of dominance behavior. The main drives and needs of the Chimp are unique to your Chimp but for most Chimps these are a combination of power, territory, ego, dominance, sex, food, troop, security, inquisitiveness and parental drives. These are common examples,

Chimps like to have praise and recognition from the alpha Chimp (i.e., people they see as important). The Chimp isn’t wrong in wanting this, so although you as a Human do not need praise and recognition from others, your Chimp probably does, so do not let it down. In order to look after your Chimp you really should seek out praise from those whose opinion you respect or think is important. This will settle down your Chimp. The consequences of not politely asking for recognition and praise (where it is worth it, of course!) is that your Chimp will rebel and feel resentful and undervalued. This will typically lead to some negative emotional interactions. Nurture the Chimp and get the recognition that it needs by asking for constructive feedback from someone whose opinion you believe is important.

Sometimes the Chimp does not need to be exercised and will go straight into the box with truth and logic. So don’t provoke the Chimp unnecessarily by making it exercise.

The easiest way of recognizing that the Chimp is thinking for you is when either you are becoming emotional or you are calm but have uneasy feelings.

Summary key points “Do I want…?” is the question to ask in order to recognize if your Chimp is hijacking you. If the answer is “no” then you are being hijacked. You are always responsible for your Chimp. The Chimp is five times stronger than you are. Nurture your Chimp before you try to manage it. Manage your Chimp, don’t try to control it. There are three common ways to manage your Chimp: Exercise, Box and Bananas.

Guilt, shame, frustration and other negative emotions are there to help us make repairs, not to destroy us.

What is the function of the Computer? Your Computer has two functions: It can think and act automatically for you using programmed thoughts and behaviors. It is a reference source for information, beliefs and values.

Potentially the Computer is more powerful than the Chimp and the Human because it is the reference source that both of them look to for help and guidance.

Are the Computers in men and women the same? The short answer is yes. They function in a very similar way but there are some differences. The typical female Computer can work with language at a higher level than the typical male Computer. Female brains have many more areas of that male brains, called association centers, for working with language. In contrast, the male brain has an area for dealing with mathematics and map-reading that is around four times the size of that in the female brain (whether it works better is another matter!).

We can think of the Computer as running at a speed around four times that of the Chimp and twenty times that of the Human. Therefore, if the Computer is operating well, it can execute commands at an amazing speed with complete accuracy and before the Chimp or Human has a chance to finish thinking.

What is in the Computer? The Autopilot is a helpful or constructive belief or behavior. The Gremlin is an unhelpful or destructive belief or behavior that is removable. The Goblin is an unhelpful or destructive belief or behavior that is firmly fixed and extremely difficult to remove. The Stone of Life contains the values and beliefs by which you live your life.

If we knew nobody thought badly of us then we would have little fear, it would be more of a nuisance to fail and we would then deal with the consequences. We would also not weigh our own self-worth by an exam result. This is the Fridge Door Goblin at its best! This syndrome is extremely common and the majority of the population seems to be affected by it. However, we can manage it and work around it, not letting it control us. Part of the problem is that the Chimp helps the Goblin. The Chimp has a very powerful troop drive that ensures our survival by being part of the troop. To be part of the troop means that we must be accepted. To be accepted means that we must be strong and useful. Therefore, from the primitive Chimp instinct we want to impress others. Clearly if we link this drive with the Goblin, it becomes very strong indeed. Therefore, many people suffer emotionally because they are constantly worried about what others think of them and they would love to just live their lives and not be concerned, but the Chimp and Goblin won’t let them.

Examples of other Gremlins include: Overreacting to situations Eating every time you feel like it but don’t need to Beating yourself up Worrying about decisions and not making them Getting angry when you don’t want to

There are three aspects to the Computer acting as a reference: General reference with Autopilots and Gremlins The Stone of Life with the “Truths of Life,” “Values” and the “Life Force” The Mindset

The Life Force To discover the Life Force on your Stone of Life, imagine that you are 100 years old and on your death bed with one minute left to live. Your great-great-grandchild asks, “Before you die, tell me what I should do with my life?” Pause for a moment now and try to honestly answer the question immediately within the next minute. You have just one minute, start now and then when the time is up and you have worked out what you would say to them, continue reading. Answering this question will identify what is important to you, what is the essence of the Sun within your Universe. It is what life is all about to you. It is your “Life Force.”

Experiment. Always experiment. Experiment with good stuff. Be very okay with mistakes. Make them, learn from them, experiment more, learn more. Find someone who you will have a perfect sex with. Don’t settle until you do. And don’t settle after you do. Love.

Whatever your advice was to your great-great-grandchild is really the advice to yourself. If you are not living by this advice, which is the essence of your existence, you are living a lie. Don’t live a lie; it will unsettle you more than anything else.

Summary of the Stone of Life The Truths of Life are statements that you believe are true for the way that the world works. The Values are the principles and ideals that you believe in. The Life Force is what you believe life is all about and how it should be lived.

The final aspect of the Computer acting as a reference is the Mindset. To understand a Mindset it is helpful to ask three specific questions. How do you see yourself? How do you see others? How do you see the world?

These three viewpoints represent the Mindset that we hold. So a Mindset is the basis that we work from when dealing with ourself, others and the world. These beliefs tend to come in clusters (of Autopilots and Gremlins), which group together to form a characteristic presentation. It is important to note that this is not your personality, although it will influence it. It is a pathway in the Computer based on beliefs that are changeable.

Let’s look at another extreme example to drive the point home. Imagine that you believe you are Miss World or Mr. Universe and are going into a nightclub; it is likely that you would walk in feeling positive and confident, striding in, head held high, wanting to meet other people. Now imagine that you believe you are a Quasimodo look-a-like. You may not feel too confident and would possibly slink in, trying to avoid other people. Your Mindset greatly influences the way in which you act and portray yourself to the world.

Summary key points The Computer has two principal functions: running automatic programs and acting as a reference source for the Human and Chimp. The Computer can be thought of as being twenty times faster to act than the Human and four times faster than the Chimp. Autopilots are constructive and helpful automatic behaviors and beliefs. Gremlins are destructive and unhelpful automatic behaviors and beliefs that are removable. Goblins are destructive and unhelpful automatic behaviors and beliefs that are firmly fixed. The Stone of Life contains your Truths of Life, Values and Life Force. The Mindset you hold is based on your perception of how things are and therefore influences your approach to life.

Making the Stone of Life visible Consider your Stone of Life and take time to very clearly work out what is written on it. Make sure that you have specific Truths and Values that you are working with. Write down your Life Force statement. When you have done this, draw up the Stone of Life onto a poster and put it somewhere prominent to remind you of what you believe and want to live your life by.

To find the Gremlins that are causing you to say “yes,” every time you are asked to do something, try asking yourself two questions: What do you believe saying “no” to someone will imply about you? What are the consequences of you saying “no” to someone?

Try to replace these Gremlins with some truths. For example: Saying “no” is the appropriate response of an adult who is respecting his or her own exhaustibility or boundaries. Saying “no” is a powerful thing to do by a balanced person. People who are realistic will accept being turned down and appreciate that you have the right to say “no.” People respect those who can say “no.”

Going back to the above example, most people will understand and accept if you say that you cannot help them. There are no medals for those who continually say “yes” and then get upset by it. The fact that you recognize you are having problems saying “no” means there is a need to change.

SHOULD COULD I should eat sensibly all the time. I could eat sensibly all the time. I should be more organized. I could be more organized. I should manage my Chimp better. I could manage my Chimp better. The differences between the two statements are that using the word “should” often evokes a sense of judgment, a command, guilt or a feeling of failure, whereas using the word “could” usually evokes feelings of possibility, hope, an option, a choice, empowerment and potential for change. The equivalent word for “must” is “might.” Try some sentences for yourself with this.

GREMLIN REPLACE WITH AUTOPILOT I have to make a good impression. I can only be myself and what they make of that is up to them. I am about to be judged. They are going to meet me and whether they judge me or not I can’t control, but I can enjoy being me. We are unlikely to have anything in common. It doesn’t matter whether we have anything in common or not, I can always ask about them and listen to them. If I make a fool of myself they will think I am stupid. If I make a fool of myself, it wasn’t intentional, all I can do is my best, and what they make of that is up to them.